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Sleep

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Original poster

I cannot take it anymore

67 replies

Givingup2025 · 14/04/2025 19:51

My 4yr old child has just broken me. I cannot take it anymore. Every day is lovely, bit of bad behaviour but listens when told and most days together are nice.

then it comes to nighttime. We have a routine. Teeth, pjs, bedtime stories then bam he turns into this horrible monster you can’t control. I’ve tried being firm, very firm, leaving him to it , keeping everything calm and just repeating its bedtime time to sleep. This has been going on for nearly a year.

he jumps on his bed, he runs around the house, he’ll throw his toys everywhere and the last two weeks it’s turned into him biting, kicking, spitting and slapping me. He finds this funny whilst I’m sitting there trying to remain calm.

I have tried different bedtimes, no screen time, tonie box, reading books , cuddling him to sleep. When he misbehaves I am firm with him telling him it is bedtime. But it doesn’t stop. He will sit there singing, I leave him to it and he trashes his room.

i cannot take anymore. I just want to leave and give up as I’m clearly failing as a parent.

I just want to disappear. I’ve had enough

OP posts:

spoonandfork · 15/04/2025 08:32

I would talk to your HV. Describe everything you said including seeing a monster coming into his room. You need help from the professionals.

Redfloralduvet · 15/04/2025 13:13

Clutching at straws here, but is it possible he could have a different room (or if not redecorate the old one)? I have insomnia and can be plagued with nightmares. What works sometimes is just going into another room. Like I'll sleep fine in the living room that night. There's no logic to it at all but sometimes a change of venue helps. Maybe he's got negative associations with his bedroom now and a change would break this current cycle.

I'd work on making the room look and feel soothing and calming. I mean he may have chosen eg red wallpaper with spaceships on it but that doesn't mean it's the best thing for him. If there's a place somewhere in his life where he's calmest and quietest, try to recreate that place in his room with posters, decoration and accessories (bedding etc).

Also can his toys permanently live somewhere else, so he has no need to guard them at night from monsters taking them? That alone could be enough to make him not want to sleep. Keep then in the living room and you guard them for him.

S0j0urn4r · 15/04/2025 13:20

HerNameIsDebbie · 14/04/2025 21:50

We had the same, we were recommended a sleep consultant who was absolutely life changing and I do not use that term lightly.
Our now 7 year old is unrecognisable from the 3.5 year old who nearly broke me. It was around £170 if I recall, I'd have paid ten times that.
Ask around for recommendations.

A friend did this. Her little girl was a nightmare at bedtime. Wasn't an instant fix but did work eventually. Could be worth a try.

Tiswa · 15/04/2025 13:27

You are locked in war and it isn’t working.

first off what is he room like looks wise - are there shadows making him scared etc, what kind of night lihht

and maybe get a sleep consultant - but listen to him this doesn’t sound fun for him either

work out what bedtime works for him as well - everyone has a different bedtime time and learning to recognise when you are tired and need to sleep is vital rather than a time enforced on you!

TISagoodday · 15/04/2025 19:17

Some mum's I know have had success with a lavender spray which they call monster or witch spray. Spraying it around the room to get rid of the monsters plus it's lavender can help sleep.
But I also think much more is needed than a quick fix, a whole reset is needed.
Redecorating room maybe, just the bare minimum, a floor bed so nowhere for monsters to hide and a regain of control for him, knowing what he is doing but also being able to control elements of it.
So a chart with routine but he can choose PJ's etc on the chart?
I have a friend who's daughter is also like this, a dream of a child through the day but a hyperactive mess at bedtime. I will ask her for some tips and try and post them too

Rightbackinit · 15/04/2025 19:32

TISagoodday · 15/04/2025 19:17

This is the approach I was going to suggest too. One of mine wouldn't sleep until I explained that lavender makes you sleep. We picked some, put it in his room. He slept…mind over matter I suspect.

Another of my DC’s it was a dream catcher hung in the room, it worked, caught the bad dreams and amazingly my DC slept.

Could you create something with him that stops monsters/keeps him safe from monsters. Add a narrative. Mind over matter if he believes.

Redfloralduvet · 15/04/2025 20:28

When he's trashing his room is he breaking his toys? Just wondering if he could be the monster he's talking about. It could be his way of saying he's out of control and it scares him.

IBloodyLoveMyBlanket · 15/04/2025 22:35

I’m not sure I’m convinced by the monster story, DD would have been astute enough at that age to invent that to guilt me into not taking her toys away as a punishment.

How did tonight go, OP? Any luck with a pared down number of stories?

QueefQueen80s · 15/04/2025 22:40

I would let him fall asleep with the ipad to end this current nightmare OP. It won’t be forever.

Original poster

Givingup2025 · 16/04/2025 07:34

Hi all. Last night was much the same. We have given punishments. We were due to go to the zoo today but we aren’t now. We have lavender monster spray and I was so hopeful but didn’t have any luck. Set up a reward chart today and will be explaining it to him

no trashing of room though so that’s a bonus

OP posts:

EmilieDuChatelet · 16/04/2025 07:56

One of our sons has a 'busy brain' as we called it. He finds it hard to switch off and had to learn how to wind down to go to sleep. At ages 4-6 his bedtimes nearly broke us, so I understand where you are at.
I also think that he was cross that he couldn't just fall asleep like his brother could do. We worked out that he was comparing himself (in some way) to his brother or us, but wouldn't have able to articulate that.
Good luck with figuring out what works for your DS.

PenguinChops · 16/04/2025 07:58

You shouldn’t be punishing him by taking away day trips. Won’t work

Oioisavaloy27 · 16/04/2025 08:05

If he's not going to sleep till 9 I would take him for a walk from 7-8pm then bedtime routine from 8-9, he is getting plenty of sleep from 9pm till 6am.

Geneticsbunny · 16/04/2025 08:36

Aren't you the one taking the toys away...

I agree with others saying you need a reset. Drop the current bedtime routine and if possible find a different room for him to sleep in for a couple of weeks.

Let him choose new pyjamas and pick some things he would like for bedtime so he has some control over what is happening. Like bedding or a book or toy.
Put him to bed a bit later, maybe 8 and do something different before hand. Quiet craft like stickers or drawing or perler beads are good for quieting the mind. Then let him go to bed and stay with him in the room until he is asleep. You could even get in the bed with him or lie down near him to show him what to do.

Never carry punishments over from one day to another. It will make him feel like he can never get back to "0" and will give up trying. If he hurts you then leave the room. I also think restraining him is a terrible idea as you could just scare him more.

Night light might help with monsters and you can make some "monster repellant" spray i.e. water with an essential oil in like lavender which is meant to be good for sleep.

When you move him back into his room, move the furniture around or redecorate a bit so it feels different. Maybe one of those IKEA bed canopy things might make him feel safer?

Growsomeballswoman · 16/04/2025 08:45

Have you ever put him to sleep in your bed?

Blinkyy · 16/04/2025 09:08

Is he worse with you?
Can you ‘go to the gym’ every evening for several hours for a week and leave it to DF see if that changes anything.

Mamofboys5972 · 16/04/2025 09:19

If he doesn't have a lot of screen time I would honestly put a small TV in his room, make it very special and a night time treat, we do our routine, teeth, pj's, stories, and then you put a Disney film on (no youtube), and he can lie in bed with a toy and watch a film for bed. My mam had to do this for my brother as it was the only way to get him to calm down. I think a TV is better than an ipad as its not right in front of his face and be has zero control over what's playing. I am militant with screen time, but even I would do this. Worth a try at this point. It got to the point where my brother would say, "mam if I want to watch toy story all the way through what time do I have to go to bed". And he would willingly go up early to watch his film and he always fell asleep before it ended x

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