Can someone help me with our sleep routine.. I’m losing my mind

[Alittlebit9]

DD is 2.10 and sleep has become a.. challenge. She wakes at 5:30 every day, and doesn’t go to bed until 8:30pm. Some days she has an hour nap at lunch, some days she doesn’t. She fell asleep on the way to her grandparents at 9am today, so had 45 min, up at 9:45.

Bedtime is where it all goes wrong. We go upstairs around 6:30, do bath, stories, brush teeth and then put her into bed around 7:15. A few months ago I could just shut the door and she would be asleep within 20 mins.

Now she won’t let me shut the door at all, wants it wide open and says she’s scared. I tried putting a night light in but she says she needs the door open. That’s now changed to me sitting in the hallway as she goes to sleep because she needs me there.. if I move out of her sight she screams in fear and cries and when I come back she then clings to me and won’t let me leave. I don’t even know what she’s scared of, some days she says the monster, some days she says there’s a bear in the wall?! She wants nothing to do with DH and just asks for me.

I wouldn’t mind, but it’s taking an hour minimum every night so I’m sat here, doing my back in until 8:30 most nights. I put her down at 6:30 tonight as she was exhausted and here we are, she’s still getting up/down/sitting up in bed/asking for a wee/drink/talking to herself. I thought it might have been quicker tonight as she’s been up for 9+ hours at this point, been to the farm, done a half hour walk, been out for lunch, played in the park etc.

It’s been about 3 weeks of this and I’m losing my patience, I miss my evenings with DH. I don’t know how to help her.. she has a Yoto box on. Ugh.

She’s 2, it’s only been 3 weeks and she’s still asleep by 8.30!! God I’d have killed for that. She’s a baby and she needs you (or her dad) and your resssurance, enjoy your evenings after 8.30 and just keep reassuring her, it’s a phase and it will pass. I’d be totally calm and reassuring and slowly sit further away on the landing every night, then eventually start popping downstairs to grab something and then start taking longer to come back up. You will have your evenings back before long.

It won't help. But at this point we got dd a small double bed and just got into bed with her. Taking it in turns so we always had 1 night off after a bedtime night.

Sometimes it took an hour, sometimes 5 minutes.

Like you I just got.bored with sitting on the floor for ages and figured if you can't beat them, join them! DH used to fall asleep on his nights.

DD started going to sleep on her own just after she turned 4 with no drama. She now has a story, a tonie box story then we turn on her white noise and leave her to it.

Oh God I remember these days, and I empathise hugely 😳

What eventually (sort of) worked for us was accepting that it was a phase and just sort of trying to go with it. So we'd lie down with our son and not make a big deal of it - so no talking, just lying there with eyes closed so it looked like we were going to sleep too. To begin with we sometimes had to lie there for bloody hours but it did at least get him to sleep, and eventually things got better BUT I am very firmly of the belief that sleep is 10% creating good conditions and sleep habits and 90% just the nature of the kid you get.

Have you tried co-sleeping? People get a bit judgy about it but all the people I've known who've done it did it because it was the only thing that worked, and their kids eventually went back into their own room and a couple of years done the line it didn't seem like a big deal.

Other standard things I'm sure you've tried:

Music/white noise
Lava lamp/light projection lamp
Audiobooks (on Yoto you can record your own voice reading them, or family members)
A big girl bed
No screens after 3pm

Actually I've just realised she's usually still falling asleep by 8.30, and you posted your OP at 7.15...that's really not that bad! It might be that you need to manage your expectations a bit?

I think 2 and a bit is a common age for this sort of thing to kick in. Get a red night light if you hadn't already, it interferes with sleep less. You might need to accept this for what it is for a bit, then start super gradually reducing input. I found pottering about putting washing away was helpful, they'd hear me about so feel more secure. I also recommend a well timed wee as an extraction tactic! Also the promise of popping back to check on them. It'll pass! Take a book up.

Thanks everyone, I know it’s not that bad in the grand scheme and she does sleep through once she gets there, it’s more the fact she won’t let me swap out with DH so we could at least take it in turns, though he does deliver me tea to the landing. That, and I hate the thought that she’s so terrified. I will try and embrace my new routine for a while, and try and ease off gently.

We use a Yoto box playing music as she goes to sleep, but I will get a red night light. I’ve heard good things about those, thank you.

If you can is it worth trying to go up a bit earlier? If she’s up at 5.30, 7.15 might be too late a bedtime & then she gets that whole over tired second wind? Mine was like this (same wake up) & had a brief consultation with a sleep consultant who said to have very basic dinners & to aim for 6.15/30 bedtime which is very tight on nursery days but it has worked (& does seem to even on days where they’ve had a short nap) & interestingly has shifted the wake up to 6 as well.