Does sleep training work for very high needs babies (13 mo)

[Beeloux]

Hi all,
Ds2 is 13 months old and wonderful but very high needs (also has CMPA and other allergies). Hates the carseat, buggy and highchair. Compared to ds1 who was sleeping 9 hour stretches by 3 months, his sleeping has always been awful and he’s never went longer than 3 hours without waking.

Ever since he was born he has contact napped and is bottle fed to sleep before falling asleep on my chest. He has a one hour nap in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon. He really fights his naps unless he’s in his buggy.

He goes to sleep on me in my bed at 7pm and will be transferred into his cot if he’s in a very deep sleep. He’ll then wake at 10pm for a bottle (He has 3 meals a day but a very picky eater compared to ds1). He only ever drinks 5oz milk at a time). When I say wake, he starts screaming as soon as he wakes up and cries uncontrollably until he’s picked up and given his bottle. He’ll fall straight back to sleep in my bed but if I try and put him back in his cot, he will wail and claw at his face despite having a scratch sleeve on in frustration.

From then on, he wakes every 2-3 hours in my bed and is up for the day at 5:30. When he wakes, he will sometimes drink a full 5oz bottle, other times he will have 1-2 oz. I’ve tried holding back off the milk and giving him water but he will wail and then not go back to sleep.

I was hoping to try and sleep train as I’m a single parent to a 3yo also and I’m tried from the lack of sleep. I’m a bit worried it won’t work as I’ve tried putting him down in his cot at bedtime, after his bottle and story and he will cry instantly. I also live in a flat and don’t want ds1 waking from the noise.

There was once in the car seat on the motorway where ds2 was hysterical for almost an hour simply because he didn’t want to be in the seat. As soon as we arrived and I got him out of the seat, he was laughing and smiling. He does have separation anxiety and won’t let anyone but myself hold him so I’m wondering if that’s connected to his hatred of the cot.

Any advice for sleep training a high needs 1 year old greatly appreciated!

Forgot to add, he’s never accepted a dummy and I’ve tried a comforter but he wasn’t interested.

Gosh that sounds tough for you. Have you spoken to your Health Visitor for their advice on sleep when CMPA/allergies are involved?

My DD15 was a high needs baby. She didnt sleep day or night for over a year until we sought professional advice. We did sleep train but DD was never left alone on her own to "cry it out". Myself and DH were always with her and reassuring her. It was a full routine/ wind down from 4pm that day but it worked. After three nights it got easier and in less than a week she was sleeping in her cot through the night.

She also never took a dummy.

My DD was a bit like this. Very high needs due to reflux and wouldn't sleep unless glued to me in some way.

As a small child she would settle in my bed then get transferred to her own, then come into our bed every single night.

This went on until she was about 6.

My DH tried to sleep train her but it never worked and I felt she would simply grow out of it, which she did at age 6.

I know it's a long time to have a child coming into your bed every night but I honestly felt that was what she needed. And it feels like such a long time ago now.

She is now 15, amazing kid, happy, settled, very close to us but also very independent.

She is also a twin, her twin brother slept through the night at 6 weeks old and never needed me like she did. He was half a pound heavier at birth and didn't have reflux like she did.

That's just my experience but I honestly feel that was best for her and what she needed. Sleep training was not the answer.

Thank you all for your replies.😊I think the two main problems are potentially his allergies as he still much prefers milk to actual food so is waking for bottles during the night (he’s under a dietician and awaiting another appointment).

The other thing is that his dad isn’t involved (his
choice) so he has only been around me since birth. Unlike ds1 was at his age, he will not be left with any other family members without wailing the whole time. He’s only been babysat by DP a few times for dentist/hospital appointments and cried the entire time.😫

I live in a small flat too so worry that the neighbours would complain if I sleep train.

A 1 year old does not get to ‘let’ his parents do anything and yes that includes who he is left with, going in a car seat, and sleep. You decide that.
Yes he might cry, wail, scream. It will be bloody unpleasant. But then he will learn.
Everyone needs to be in their own beds.

I do agree @QuickPeachPoet . The problem is my family members no longer want to babysit as he cries the entire time. 😫 I’m applying for jobs so he will need to go to nursery soon, really hope that his sleeping/separation anxiety improves soon.

My DS1 was similarly sleep averse and clingy. Also an eczema / allergies baby.

You mention scratch sleeves, does he have bad eczema? If it's flared up, I'd consider getting steroids creams to help the itchiness and settle things down.

If he's potentially experiencing reflux, consider meds for this too.

My son gradually improved without me doing anything and slept through from 2. It was a tough time though, you've got my sympathy.

Only one baby here, now 16 months.

Mine has CMPA and other allergies. Didn't sleep stretches longer than 30 min until we worked out CMPA at 4 months. Then we were blessed with the occasional 2 hour stretch. Latest allergy we found at 12 months. Something he had eaten before lots in small quantities and I ate a lot myself (breastfeeding). One day had a bigger portion and hives everywhere. Cut that out mine and his diet and within a couple of days was a different baby. Now sleeps the odd 4 hour stretch, once even 8 hours. Rather than waking up in the night and instantly howling, back arched, throwing himself around inconsolably until given a drink, he now whinges and whines a bit and even sometimes takes himself back off to sleep.

Sleep training would never have worked. It was because he was upset and uncomfortable due to allergies. Me leaving him to cry wouldn't have stopped him being in pain. He wanted to sleep on me because being propped up helped the reflux and pain. He wanted to drink because like when we have reflux the liquid soothes the burning.

Just consider your baby may have another allergy/reflux and is drinking to soothe the pain, meaning they're full on milk all the time from all the drinking.

Both my dcs were high needs. Breast-fed, clingy, won't play by themselves, needed to be moving/carried all the time, cannot lie flat, did not sleep for more than an hour at a stretch. Co-slept as there wasn't any other way.

I agonised about sleep training dc1. We tried but could not do it as she would not stop wailing. I almost lost my mind. She suddenly decided not to breastfeed at 17 months and started sleeping through.

When ds came along, I just went with the flow and did not sleep train. I would just co-sleep and enjoy the cuddles. I ignored the health visitor. It was much more relaxed to not make ds conform to sleep norms if it was working for both of us.

Both went into ft nursery at around 12 months. They would sleep, play nicely at nursery and do things they would never do with dh and I at home

Now as teenagers and young adults, you don't see them before noon on a weekend.