Ferber Method and Dream / Night Feeds

[Goldendoodlelover]

We have decided to Ferber sleep train our 6 month old (no judgement please) and just wanted some advice on how to manage dream / night feeds. Previously my son had 6 180ml / 6oz bottles a day, one of which was usually a dream feed between 10-11pm (he would go to bed between 7-8pm).

My husband I aren’t sure the dream feed was always helping though - sometimes it would make him gassier later at night, or his wet nappy would wake him up, or he would need another feed in the night anyway.

So the first night of Ferber was a relative success - he cried for about 45 minutes at bed time which was absolutely horrendous, but we gave him a dream feed and he went back down straight away and then didn’t hear from him until 5.45am.

Today though we were really busy and active, and because of the early wake up, he ended up having 6 bottles by bed time (7.30pm). He woke up about 10pm crying - I think we should give him a dream feed as that’s what he is used to, but my husband says he has had his normal calorie intake for the day and isn’t crying out of hunger but fussing because he hasn’t quite learnt to self soothe yet.

I’m unsure what to do moving forward. Should I continue with the dream feed, regardless of how much he has had in the day? Should I try and wean the dream feed and then only feed him if he wakes up in the night? I had read with Ferber that you should leave them 5 hours from their last bedtime feed before feeding them.

I just feel guilty - I want to give Ferber a go but I hate the idea of not knowing whether he’s crying because he is learning a new skill or whether his needs haven’t been met…

I should add that tonight he fell asleep within minutes of putting him down (awake) in his crib, so I do believe the Ferber method is helping

God I couldn’t go a whole night without a sip of water and I’m an adult. Your baby is six months old- there is a reason they are waking for a little soothe or drink! In my mind it goes against every biological need that a baby is born with - they are calling to you for a reason. Personally I’d be giving them a feed and I can’t believe you’d consider not to.

I mean this gently, but even if he isn’t hungry, his needs haven’t been met and that is why he is crying. Babies needing parents to comfort them in the night is biologically and developmentally appropriate. Comfort is a need as much as water or food. All sleep training does is teach your child not to signal for you because they know you won’t come. There are huge numbers of studies showing this and the sleep training industry preys on vulnerable, sleep deprived parents.

Oo @Goldendoodlelover so sorry you’ve not had any helpful responses up to now - even though you stated no judgement - people can’t help themselves can they.

Also Ferberised my happy healthy baby who has slept through since 6/7 months and it is quite possibly the best parenting decision I’ve made. My dc is so much happier after getting a full 12 hours sleep and I parent better. No shade at all to anyone who chooses not to but overall I think they actually cry less whilst you’re sleep training them for the 3-7 days it takes to work than the possible many more months / years of tears when they’re not settling to sleep.

Anyhoo to your question - I bf and never did a dream feed but I kind of made up my own rule - because at the time we started sleep training dc would go a maximum of 4 hours in the day without a feed once we’d put her down if she woke up within 4 hours I’d continue with the Ferber rules but if it was after that I’d feed her just incase she was hungry - although v likely not. It’s harder with bf because you never know how much they are having with each feed. Even if you do give him the dream feed once you’ve started ferberising and they start sleeping much much better they should find it easier and easier to self soothe so you shouldn’t find it too arduous to get rid of the dream feed eventually. Soemtimes it can be too much at once and need to pick your battles. It gets a bit easier when they start having more solids as you can be more confident they shouldn’t be hungry.

good luck - you’re doing a great jobb

I did this at 6 months! We gave it 15 mins and if he was still upset we figured it was hunger! Then we started noticing a pattern of wakes at same time always (12 & 3) he Would settle with husband coming in and patting him briefly at the 12 wake

3am I fed him!

still doing the same now at 10months

its just trial and error op! You’ll get it know what works
good luck

It's best to get rid of the first feed. So get him out the habit of that dream fees, then you can go to bed early. The 2/3/4am feed is less easy to remove as it will have been enough time for them to be hungry.