Baby in separate room

[FFarm]

Exploring the possibility of putting baby in separate room. I've read a lot about the risks of SIDs and that NHS/ AAP recommend first 6-12 months in same room but I have multiple friends who put baby in own room from as early as two weeks old and recommend it as something that worked really well for them, with all their children. The babies are never far away, and always can be heard from parent's bedroom but the slight distance means that every toss and turn isn't waking up baby or parents. Challenge I'm having is I'm struggling to find any books or research that supports separate sleeping. My mother had all four children sleep in separate rooms, as did her mother and so on... and although NHS now recommends against it but they are overly cautious as an institution and I'd really like to have all information for and against it to help make a informed decision.

The guidance is there because there is evidence of the protective impact of sleeping in the same room, particularly in the first 4 months. The fact that other people make different decisions is down to their own assessment of the risks vs the benefits, it doesn’t change the underlying facts.

For what it is worth, both of mine slept in a separate room from three weeks old and we didn’t have a monitor. when I had my DC it was what we all did. They also slept on their tummies and were weaned at three months old.

There is a reason it's advised against. Sharing a room with your baby helps them to regulate their breathing. Is it worth the risk? If something were to happen you would never forgive yourself. Just because others do it doesn't mean it's right.

My mother had all four children sleep in separate rooms, as did her mother and so on...

The 'and so on...' won't go very far back as people having multiple rooms and babies having a sole room to themselves is a relatively new thing.

The drastic reduction in cot death numbers since the back to sleep and same room guidance came in is the data.

It's your choice, but it should be remembered that babies are not, biologically, meant to sleep through the night from very young. Those that do are the exception.

There’s plenty of evidence outside of the NHS as to why newborns should sleep in the same room as parents. The Lullaby Trust for example is a great one for evidence-based safe sleep guidance.
Personally? There’s no way I was dragging myself out of bed and into a separate room multiple times a night during the early months of frequent night wakings 🫣🫣🫣🫣

Challenge I'm having is I'm struggling to find any books or research that supports separate sleeping.

You aren’t going to find any research that supports sleeping separately under 6 months and certainly not from 2 weeks.

Why are you trying so hard to convince yourself sleeping in separate rooms is beneficial when all the research says otherwise?

Mine went into his own room with a video monitor at 4 months because he was getting constantly disturbed. I don't think I could have done it at 2 weeks though. They're still so little and reliant at that point. And nighttime snuggles are the best 😊

Babies are designed to sleep close to their mother's. That's the natural way for a mammal. It is therefore, not surprising that the incidence if SIDS has decreased since the recommendation of having baby sleep in the same room as its caregiver for the first 6 months (for naps and nighttime sleeping). Babies are designed to wake frequently at night.

Please don't do this. When people say 'back in my day it wasn't a thing' they fail to realise that's because there was limited research. We are learning more and more each day based on research. The guidance is there for a reason. It's not worth the risk, which is why you won't find anything to support not sleeping with your baby in the same room.

Why do you think the widely known guidance is wrong? Why, when it’s something about keeping a tiny baby safe, would you listen to friends rather than the advice?

I find the question you’re asking very strange. As our knowledge changes so does the advice. We currently have low levels of infant mortality, partly because new parents are made aware of the up to date best practise.

even the biggest CIO sleep training companies dont recommend separate rooms under 6months, which i think probably gives you the answer you’re looking for.
can you move the next to me away from the bed instead and try that?

can you have you + baby in a separate room (separate from DH) for the first 6 weeks or so? you won't get much sleep in that time anyway. and then when things settle down, you can see where you want to move to.

I think swaddling is more useful to help baby sleep than a separate room anyway.

Back in the day people thought smoking was good for you. People gave whiskey to babies. Things change

You won't find evidence to support what you want to do. You still can choose to do it but you can't then expect any sympathy if your baby dies from SIDS, you will have to accept you're putting your baby at risk for your own selfish reasons.

Can you accept that?

OP it sounds like baby isn’t here yet - is that right?

I honestly think you will reconsider how protective you will be of them and how fond of them and want them near you

Both of mine slept in their own rooms from week 2 with a monitor and volume up. We tried cosleeping and having them beside us, but no one got any sleep. To each their own. The guidelines are guidelines, not laws.

I would not do it. It’s not recommended or safe.

I would think it would be much more detrimental to your sleep to be going in and out of different rooms for feeding and soothing a baby every couple of hours. Or actually frequently even more often than that in those first month or two when they don't even know day from night yet. Even if you don't care about the protective effect from SIDS, it will be a huge inconvenience to you.

My DC1 and 2 stayed in our room until 16 and 18 months purely because we couldn't be bothered traipsing in and out of bedrooms when they still woke in the night relatively often. I find it much harder to go back to sleep when I'm in and out of my 3 or 6 year olds bedrooms when they wake in the night (rarely) compared to when my 5 month old wakes (regularly - still in our room).

Has your baby been born yet? Why do you want to put them in a separate room? Newborns are tiny and vulnerable, and should sleep near their primary carer. You won’t find any studies to support this because it’s a bad idea. Like others have said, it doesn’t matter if it’s what people used to do in the past.

If your baby hasn’t been born yet, you might feel very differently about this when they’re here. The primal urge to be near your baby is usually very strong.

The biggest affect on SIDS numbers was the back to sleep campaign. If your baby is otherwise well and has no other risk factors the risk of putting them in a separate room is very, very tiny. Personally I think it's very stressful to feel a baby cannot be left alone ever and there have been many posts on MN with mums refusing to even go to the loo for fear of their babies dying.

Another option is for both parents to take turns to sleep in the same room as the baby, and get a really good sleep on the alternate nights.

You might change your mind when you see your baby, I did. I was adamant beforehand that I'd never co sleep, but then it was the only way to get the little buggers to sleep.

It's not that the parent needs to be able to hear the baby. It's that the baby regulates their breathing by listening to and presumably co-ordinating with the parent

I doubt you’ll find the research you’re looking for @FFarm to be honest. Babies should sleep in the same room as their parent until at least 6 months. It’s such a short length of time. Why not just do what is safest?

Theres always going to be the “back in my day we never did any of this…”. No doubt we’ll be thinking the same in years to come when looking at our grandkids etc. It’s just a case of “know better, do better”. Smoking was fine when pregnant. Car seats didn’t exist. Cot bumpers were a ‘must have’ item! More up to date research allows us to make better choices 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not putting your literal 2 week old newborn to sleep for the night in another room is hardly saying a baby can’t be left alone ever for any length of time. The strawman arguments are just stupid.