HELP US PLEASE - Going insane, so very stressed and tired.

[BritishBeef]

My DS is 7 1/2 months old and has never been a great sleeper. For the first 6 weeks of his life he never slept AT ALL until diagnosed with Acid Reflux and was medicated. Then he started to sleep. He will only ever sleep swaddled otherwise he just ends up rolling around his cot and crying. He has always woken 4 or 5 times a night.

He started nursery 2 mornings a week a couple of months ago and has been unwell ever since. He picked up a cold which led to a chest infection. As soon as that cleared up he got another cold. Then he had a stomach bug which meant violent vomiting for a week. Now he has ANOTHER cold which has just become ANOTHER chest infection! To make things worse, he's passed these colds onto us. My wife and I had a cold for over 3 weeks and as soon as we got over it we got another one which we stil have now. The problem is that we are so sleep deprived and therefore run down that we can't seem to shift these bugs.

His sleep has really deteriorated over the last few weeks too. He started to wake crying as many as 10 times a night.

Now we have another problem. His room gets so hot. At the moment it's 27 degrees in there and it's 10pm! His room faces the sun all day and we've tried everything to cool it. We have a blackout blind, the windows are open with his door open slightly but there is little air movement. We have put a fan in there but that doesn't cool his room - just blows the warm air around it. It's crazy but for some reason his room gets warmer as the night progresses?!

As we stil swaddle him he's too hot so obviously that has to stop but we have tried him without it and he screamed all night long.

The last few nights have been absolute hell. He has been crying for most of the night.
I am at the end of my tether and so is my wife. I get so stressed and wound up I feel I'm going insane. It feels like the last 7 months lack of sleep is finally catching up with me.
My wife started back at work full time this week (she was main earner). So that is putting even more of a strain on us.

Are there sleep experts you can hire to help with these issues?

I'm not sure what advice I want after typing all this. We are thinking of taking DS out of Nursery for a while to give him (and us) a chance to get well again as that is where he must be picking up all these bugs.

Thanks for reading, I guess I needed to vent.

oh it sounds terrible, there is nothing worse than getting no/little sleep

is there nowhere else he could sleep just for a wee while until you get him into a routine, if you think that the heat isn't helping the problem?

have you tried him in a summer weight sleeping bag?

will have a think again

why not have a look on here and see if there is anything you haven't tried or something that sounds familiar?

sorry I can't be more help, good luck

sleep clinic

He has to pick up bugs to boost his immune system so you are not going to be able to protect him from these.

Sleep patterns can be disrupted by an illness so this is completely normal. If you find that you and your wife are unable to manage with the lack of sleep I strongly recommend that you have a chat with your GP, who will give you a prescription to help you out with this. There is no quick fix to this. It's a case of going in and lying him back down. Try to limit any attention you are giving him to an absolute minimum, first time stroke his head and tell him it's bed time, he should sleep now, then tell him to sleep, then just lie him down. It does take a while, hence the GP trick which should work after the first dose (all being well). He may be waking up because he's thirsty and hot so you should try to fix this first.

Heat rises, this is why his room's hot. Is there a cooler room you can move him into? Air conditioning should be your next thought. You can swaddle until he's asleep then unwrap if you are feeling brave.

You poor things, my DS was the same for the 1st 12 months and it was Hell.

Could he be teething? Have you tried Calpol or Medised?

Is he still on medication? Maybe the acid thing needs looking at again?

How much milk is he taking? Is he taking water as he will be extra thirsty in the heat.

How is weaning going? Has it got worse since weaning?

Have you tried co-sleeping?

Sleep downstairs? Air conditioning unit?

Racking my brains for you.

oh, and agree with avenanap re the bugs, he needs to get used to them or he won't be able to fight them, sorry

Gosh this all sounds so familiar. Sorry you are going through it - it is bloody awful. I have no quick fix - it eventually got better. (Very eventually. And after controlled crying every now and then, which obv you can't do when they are ill.)

Just googled and Sleep clinic.

We bought the first of our two air conditioning units when DD was a baby - her room at the time was south facing, it was a hot summer and it was ludicrous in there. The air con is noisy, but it's kind of white noise which babies often quiet like anyway.

We'd put her to bed in a nappy and summer sleeping bag when it was really warm - some friends questioned the sleeping bag, but I figured the familiarity of a sleeping bag was worth more than trying to keep her cool in that instance. Does that make sense?!

As to nursery - yeah, that's hard. But unless you have specific doubts about the hygiene of the nursery (the vomiting bug), or unless you can come up with a plan for the next few years that doesn't involve childcare, he's going to pick up the bugs sooner or later. DD was ill a lot in her first year (nursery from six months) and it's fallen off steadily ever since. First and second winters were the worst, wall-to-wall chest infections.

We never swaddled DS (he was still a terrible sleeper) but have heard that using a Grobag can help wean them off swaddling, I think you can put both their arms inside the bag then free one at a time as they get used to it. A 0.5tog bag would be fine for the hot weather.

For an 'air conditioning' effect you can put a bowl of ice in front of a fan, make sure as it melts it's not going to leave a puddle of water anywhere near the fan though. You could also try wiping his face with a damp flannel when he wakes.

If he is unwell and sleeping badly then I would give Calpol or Medised.

How does he go to sleep, is he rocked/cuddled/fed or does he go to sleep on his own?

It's horrible isn't it?
Could you try swaddling him in thin sheet rather than blanket?

We put ours in a gro bag at 2 months. Not sure if he minded as he screamed alot anyway. Think a light tog one is great idea.

Can you leave a window open and locked. We canleave ours cranked open a little but it's still locked IYKWIM?

Can you get someone over to give you both a break for night or two?

It will get better and it's always worse when they're ill. his little immune system is taking a bit of a battering at mo and there are always loads at this time of year.

If it makes you feel better our 2yr old -usually a bit rubbish with sleep but only wakes once usually now and goes back to sleep has been crying the early hours away recently adn it's been rough on us.

Good luck.

Yes, I'd go to the doctor - all three of you?! - and ask for some help. Make sure it's one with children (i always check this now as they seem to understand what you're gong through) I got some sleeping tablets (when he was 1)and I stopped bfing. After 5 hours sleep I felt like a million dollars. Hope you all get better soon!

Oh you poor things, I remember you posting a long time back, sorry to hear you're still having a tough time.

A few thoughts - make sure he's getting plenty of fluids during the day, and try the ice-in-front-of-the-fan trick. We have a similar problem with our bedrooms, and this year I'll be opening the loft hatch to try and let the heat out. Just now I put DS to sleep in a short-sleeved vest and use thin blankets. You might be able to tuck them tight to give a sensation of swaddling. Have you tried putting him to sleep on his front? That can help with babies who like swaddling, and by this age he should be well able to lift his head and turn himself if he needs to.

It might be worth cosleeping if your DS will settle - although it can get hot in bed together, you may be able to skip the swaddle and just put him down in a nappy if he settles with you there next to him.

I definitely sympathise with the constant illness thing - between diarrhoea, teeth, a cold and the usual painful wind DS (9 months) is almost always "going through a bad spell" of sleep. Good nights are infrequent and treasured, even though by good we mean less than 4 or 5 wake-ups! The thing to cling to is that the good times will slowly stretch out and become more consistent, and slowly and gradually the bad times become less and less. I think when you have a challenging baby you just crave easiness and it's really tough not to get really resentful and angry when baby has other ideas.

I second the suggestion to see the GP - desperate times and all that. It sounds like you all need a break, and I honestly do understand the feelings of complete despair you're enduring just now. I can't tell you that it gets better from personal experience because I'm still frequently reduced to shouting/crying with tiredness and frustration but it must get better, surely, and it will.

Feel so sorry for you, god I remember the desperation.

Try all the above and fwiw here are a few more suggestions;

Bedroom - if you can't change his room, keep window and blind SHUT during the day. That's what we do in Southern Europe in hot weather...only open window when air outside cools down.

Make sure you and dw don't skimp on eating, plus take multivits to build up your immunity.

Can you take it in turns to have an off duty night...one of you goes to bed with earplugs, eyemask...the works and is allowed the whole night without getting up?

or, as someone suggested- you both go away for a night...just one night you'll see the world differently after some sleep. Do ANYTHING to get some sleep and then when everything's calmed down a bit you can try some new sleep plans for ds!

It does get better I promise!

It is so important to address the heat situation - babies overheating is a serious issue. The fact that he has been crying all night and you can't solve the problem means you should definitely go to the GP to try and get to the bottom of it. There IS a solution, you just have to find it...Easier said than done, I know, but you have to try everything, and suddenly, something might work. Can't you move his cot into your room when it is so hot? Or try unswaddling him - we did this, and put our ds on his stomach to sleep (I know there are risks, but not so bad at 7.5 months). This stopped his startle reflex and he slept much better. Can you hire an air conditioner? Like a pp said, the white noise often helps, and the baby will be cooler. As someone who suffers CHRONIC sleep deprivation due to baby, I can sympathise and know that I would spend every last penny if it meant a good night sleep!!

Oh, and re: the nursery thing. This happened to our ds too, and I took him out of nursery just 'cause I couldn't bear any more sleepless nights due to illness. At one point, he had a high temp for about six weeks due to one virus after the next. We have an au pair now, and it is SO much better. We will try the nursery later in the year, if his sleep improves....

Hi all and thanks for your replies. We had a better night last night, I think the chest infection is clearing up and his room seemed to be much cooler.

We have now made the decision to take him out of Nursery, you have to drawn the line somwhere, we only put him in 2 mornings a week for the social skills and to give me a bit of a break to catch up with housework etc in the day. My MIL has agreed to take him 1-2 days a week, we no longer feel that the Nursery has a benefit, will maybe try later in the year.

I think the key is to get him out of the swaddle however how we will do that I'm not sure how as he really struggles to fall asleep with his arms free. We have him in a 0.5tog sleping bag at the mo and just use a really light weight strip of fabric to swaddle his arms. We have tried putting him on his front with his arms free but he just pushes himself up on his arms, scratches the bedsheet, rubs his eyes, pulls his dummy out and chews on the cot bars!! I think we will just have to go cold turkey though as I can't see any other option. I guess once we have him out of this then the heat will no longer be as much of an issue, the thing is we HAVE to do it quickly as we are off to spain in 2 weeks and it will be BAKING there! anybody got any other swaddle weaning tips? or is CC the best option?

On the sleep front when we are in Spain we are staying with my Parents who have offered to take him for a few nights and put us up in Hotel so we can get some sleep, this should help.

glad you had a better night

Have you tried the suggestion of putting his arms inside the grobag? Make sure the grobag is a good fit first though or he could wriggle down inside it.
I tried CC for a couple of nights and then gave up, DS was beside himself and I just couldn't do it to him or me. I'm so glad we didn't continue as a couple of months later he started sleeping through, he just needed a little more time.
Believe me, one day all this will be a distant memory. I went to hell and back during DS's first year and hit the depths of despair, 10 months on and it seems a lifetime ago.

I would definitely consider visiting the doctor if his crying continues for extended periods of time.
Try changing mealtimes, adding snacks throughout the day, concentrate on upping fluids as much as you can. Does he poo before bed?! My DS went though a stage of needing poo at about 9pm, wouldn't sleep if he hadn't had one and wouldn't do it in the cot either We would give up get him up, he would fill his nappy and then happily return to bed and feed to sleep!

The holiday sounds fab and just what you need.

British Beef, please consider putting him down to sleep on his front. I know it's not recommended but at your baby's age many will be able to roll themselves onto their fronts anyway. You might well find the scratching and wriggling is resolved when you do this. I still can't put DS down on his back and he's approaching 10 months, but he'll go down on his side or front with some rocking and patting.

Sorry, due to being up since 4am following a disturbed night with my darling insomniac child, I seem to have lost the ability to read!

I'll shut up now!

Sorry to join this so late - just wanted to respond to your question about sleep experts. I haven't used one myself, but I know that some nanny agencies do offer a service where a nanny comes and does a couple of nights with your child to troubleshoot sleeping problems. I doubt it's cheap, but if you get someone good they could deal with the hurdles like ditching the swaddling and training your baby so sleep better whilst you get a good night's sleep undisturbed. Don't know if there's any guarantee, but I've heard good things from 'friends of friends' so it might be worth calling an agency if you're getting desperate.

Quick update:
The screaming has stopped and he's going to sleep no problems at 7pm now. However, he's now waking at 5am and won't go back to sleep. I'm finding this as hard/tiring as the screaming! When he wakes at 5am he is all chatty and happy but if I don't go in to him after 10 minutes he starts crying. If I then leave him the same happens again.

He's had one hell of a development phase over the last week - He started crawling (in a fashion), one of his top front teeth came through yesterday (bad few days prior!) and he has just started sitting up. Also, yesterday, he ate for England! Could this be a reason for the early starts or is he going to be one of those that wakes early (please, no!).

Hate to say it but you can't have everything 7-5 is pretty good you know!
You could try blacking out his room, we've just done this and DS is now sleeping until around 7am.
Milestones certainly mess around with sleep routines, what a buy week he has had! Will probably be hungrier now that he's crawling too, keep up the healthy snacks between meals to keep his energy levels up.

I dream of a ten hour stint! DS is 10 months and the longest he's ever slept is 7 hours (he did that once, 3 months ago). And he routinealy starts the day at 5

You've got it made, trust me!

Seriously though, it sounds like you've had a regression associated with milestones. It will get better (for a while, before getting worse again, then better again, etc etc!).

He is now waking at 4.15am and not going back to sleep............I am soooo tired.

Did you try blacking out his room? Use a dark duvet cover or throw to see if it works.

Or what about a dream feed before you go to bed?

He is at such a tricky age, learning new skills and my DS struggled very badly when his teeth were coming through. He had none at 7 months and then they came through one after the other for months.

In a few months time he will be totally different again, hang in there it does get easier. For starters you can actually communicate and understand his needs a whole lot more!