Being later because baby is sleeping? Do I wake them?

[Llama25]

How do you ever plan to go out anywhere without the caveat ‘I may be late?’

DD is currently having her morning nap, but it’s lasting a bit longer than I’d anticipated. Do you wake a sleeping baby so you’re not late when going out?! Or are you just a bit late for lunch?!

Gah - that should be “being late,” not later!

Depends where you're going and with who etc. Some situations I'd go late, others I'd wake them (or just transfer quickly to pram or car, which often would wake them anyway), other situations I'd just cancel entirely.

I should add that DD has never stayed asleep when being transferred in all of her six months, so it’s not like I can transfer her down to the bed to get myself ready and then to the car seat, without waking her up.

I have cancelled too in the past but it’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one who has to do this!

For me it very much depends on the situation.
If baby is under the weather, had an awful night, or if it's a low low key thing which isn't going to cause much inconvenience, I'd probably push it back a bit.

If baby will manage with a shorter nap or people have come from far/have their own complicated logistics to manage, I'd wake baby.

Though I'd usually make sure that baby fell asleep in either doing it pushchair and just try to leave with them still asleep (unless driving) so if didn't happen much thankfully.

Depends. How much do you value the other person’s time? Are they expected to just sit and wait for you? I’d be pretty hacked off if I’d shlepped to the local Costa only to find out you weren’t going to show up for 45 minutes because little Gerald was still having his nap.

If i’d arranged to meet someone at a specific time/place i would wake the baby. They can usually catch up on sleep with a slightly longer afternoon nap.

I just scooped up mine and went out, they were better at sleeping in the buggy anyway

If I was planning to go out at a time that might overlap with nap time I would just start the nap in the pram (possibly leaving a bit early and walking around the park on the way) so I was guaranteed to get there in time and baby could sleep on the way.

I went out when we needed to. It was important for my mental health to see other people.

Well this morning is turning into an utter shit show. Typically, we need to be somewhere really important. We can’t miss it.

DD has now been awake for 2 hrs 20 mins and is desperate for a nap. But she won’t sleep. She’s screaming and crying. If I leave then I have 15 mins of screaming before we get in the car at which point she’ll be screaming down the motorway.

if I stay and try to get her to sleep then we likely are late for the important appointment.

she’s six months next week? When the fuck does this get easier?

Just put here in the car and go. She might scream but she will wear herself out in the end.

poor you!!
change, check, feed, get in the car nursery rhymes on and drive. Hopefully she will fall asleep! You do need to get to your appointment

I’m so fed up of being ‘the’ parent who flakes or is late. I’ve lost touch with my NCT group as they’ve all been going to boot camp sessions at 9:30am and out for wine in the evening, things simply impossible for me to do.

It’s all about choices. If you want to keep your friends, continue being invited to places then you need to be on time. It’s rude to be late, particularly if you are meeting friends who do not have children.

I’d just put her in the car, especially for something you can’t miss. Even with friends meetings I just took my DCs at the right time, imagine if eve try one was late or cancelled based on when their DCs were sleeping, no one would ever meet up! I found everyone is accepting of 5-10 mins late, and turning up a bit frazzled is fine but much later is a no.

are you a single parent OP? If not, why can't your partner be taking over in the evenings so you meet your friends?
FWIW when you are back at work and your kid is in childcare, you may see an improvement - nurseries seem to have a knack of getting babies to sleep.

They all have babies exactly the same age as mine so clearly I am doing something wrong but cheers for the judgement 🍻

I breastfeed - pumping is difficult to get enough for what I’d feed DD in the evening.

Another mum in the group also exclusively breastfeeds - but her baby sleeps 7pm-midnight and she says she doesn’t need to pump as there’s no chance the baby will wake. So she just leaves the house and her husband has no milk but it apparently works for them!

The evening will be trickier if you exclusively breastfeed so that may be a no for now, but I don’t see the issue with a 9.30am class if that’s what you want to do? Get baby ready before the class if she’s going to nap around that time leave before nap time or just scoop up and take her with when you need to leave.

I'd try to time naps so they are in the car or buggy on the way.

I'm a childminder and babies have to fit in with the general routine and plans so they get used to just sleeping in the buggy on the way to/from morning activities.

I would just get ready and go tbh. Would she not fall asleep in the car if she is so tired?

I mean this kindly OP, but stop comparing yourself to others even if their situation seems the same and they have a perfect outcome. I've had two DC and did exactly the same with both....but wow how different they were in every aspect - sleeping, feeding, clinginess, general mood etc. I know its hard not too but comparing and not getting the same result will just bring you down.

I just got on with things. Obviously if they were sick etc I wouldn't but normal day to day. Go out when I planned - classes, meeting people, mum and baby exercise class. DC would sleep around it when they wanted (if they slept - I had 1 bad sleeper/napper). Plan for every eventuality when you are out just in case.
I couldn't have stayed at home all the time or stopped seeing people for interaction on maternity leave.
I didn't do much that didn't involve bring my DC with me but the odd time I had evening plans with friends, my DH just had to deal with it.

Like all the other PPs, if this would me I would just leave at the time we needed to, nap or screaming regardless. You make it sound like a healthcare appointment or something so that's what I'd do. Baby will sleep in the car on the way and later again as needed. All babies cry and nap at random times OP, this is completely normal behaviour. We just crack on anyway or we'd never go anywhere. I have school runs to do now for my DC1 with my DC3 in tow and a few days a week my DC2 as well. I can't just not do them because DC3, the baby, hasn't napped, or is crying, or DC2 doesn't fancy going and is throwing a wobbler. We get out and go cos we have to.

Well I bundled her in the car and she cried for the full 25 mins on the motorway; she fell asleep 4 mins before we got there. Of course, she woke up getting out of the car so that was a 4 min nap.

On the way back, she screamed and sobbed the entire journey home. I thought she would make herself sick at one point. She was crying so much that her arms and legs were shaking.

Thank you for your kind posts, but I just don’t see or hear of this happening to anyone else. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if in a few years’ time she had a ND diagnosis. My experience is so very different to that of other mums, it seems, whose babies sleep in cars or can be bundled out of the house even if they haven’t had a nap.