Sleep advice for 10 year old!

[PontypandyPioneer]

My 10 year old son just cannot get to sleep. It's after 11pm and he's crying for the umpteenth night because he can't get to sleep. It's causing him anxiety and stress in the evenings just thinking about it.

We've had a bedtime routine with bath/shower and wind down time since he was little.

So far over the past few months we've tried:
Screens / no screens
Audio books
Books
Carry calm device
Weighted blanket
White noise
Music
Teddies / comforters
Darkness / nightlight
Mindfulness drawing or colouring before bed
I'm sure I've missed something!

He's very active and eats well.

He's brilliant at school, I've always had a thought about autism but school say no. He had counselling a couple of years ago for other anxieties and she told me about the 'over sensitive child' which describes him perfectly.

I'm open to all suggestions to help him!

Honestly I'd try melatonin.

What about meditation type techniques? Either Breathwork or Relaxation.

I use both; sometimes one just isn’t working so try the other. If he knows some simple techniques in both, he is in control of his body and that may help too.

Have a look online.

Hope you find a solution.

Does he just need you with him to fall asleep? DS co-slept for years on & off & currently sleeping on my bedroom floor on a mattress. Will go to bed ok but only goes to sleep when I lock up/ turn the lights off etc. and come upstairs to bed.

Also if you suspect autism I wouldn't let school's view stop you having your dc assessed/getting support for him. It's not their decision & they don't do the assessments and the older I get the more stories I hear about hopeless schools when it comes to SEN

Have you tried not going to sleep? Because sleep is important, he is stressing about it, and more stress leads to less sleep. So totally de-emphasise sleep. As in there is absolutely no pressure about actually sleeping. As long as he's doing something quiet and non-alerting in bed, he is not expected to try to sleep. No questions at how he slept or when he went to sleep, no analysis of or discussion about his sleep (at least not where he can hear you) and no comments about him being tired or rested.

Try lavender drops in a tissue or Rescue Remedy Night Spray

Melatonin works

Have you tried a Worry monster? If he’s anxious it might help. You could try a Slanket or sleeping bag.
A Snooze band? You can set it to turn off after an hour.

@RandomMess how do I even get that - do I need a GP?

@SerenStarEtoile we've not tried that. I'll look some up. Part of the problem is that he won't stay still long enough, he'll not get to sleep then get frustrated and thrash about! While exhausted.

I've tried being with him, he says it distracts him trying to get to sleep!

@24Dogcuddler yep we've got one of those!

@Aparecium this is what I might try tonight!

Weighted blanket.
melatonin
Therapy- he’s anxious and that needs unpicking.

Sorry no advice, poor boy that must be so frustrating for him. Good luck

Magnesium might be worth a shot. Can help with anxiety and sleep

We have an autistic 11yo who often struggles to sleep. We often find coming out of his room to come downstairs, watch a couple of short cartoons and go back to sleep really helps. It's enough to break to worry of being in a room then helps him set back down. I know with adults they suggest getting back up for a short while is better than stewing in a room.

Re: school and autism, they aren't qualified to know! I would look up the autism screening questionnaire (AQ) and fill that in. If it's showing a high score you need to use that as a basis to push for assessment.

Parent to another non-sleeping 10 year old here 👋
My DC is autistic and sleep has always been a huge issue. In desperation we bought melatonin from the US but it made him feel nauseous the following day. I completely agree with other posters about deemphasising sleep. The more he tries to sleep, the more anxious he gets, the less sleep he gets and it’s a vicious cycle. DS now goes to bed at 8.30pm with a book, soothing lighting etc. and I’ve taught him meditation techniques so he can calm himself down if he feels he’s becoming anxious (we often do a Headspace sleep meditation before bed too). Nighttimes are now about relaxing & reading rather than trying to sleep. I still don’t think he’s getting enough sleep and we always have to wake him up in the morning but he’s doing well at school & has the energy for loads of sport so we’re accepting this is the way it is for now.

Melatonin.
i would also agree that school aren’t qualified to tell you whether your DC has autism or not.

I would see a GP. It's a serious issue.

See an Occupational Therapist. He may need a series of calming/heavy work/proprioceptive activities in the evening to help his body wind down. They can do an assessment and go from there. I’m afraid you’ll need to go private as NHS has long wait list. Melatonin may help also but I believe it’s worth trying other avenues first.

It's not a magic bullet. It may not work at first. It takes take a long time to learn a new mindset.

My AuDHD 10yo always struggled to get to sleep and had frequent wakings in the night. What works for her is the good sleep hygiene you've described, a later bedtime of 9.30/10pm, and a huge amount of sport. The bedtime is counterintuitive, but it was suggested on a sleep webinar and works - she was up until midnight before!

When you say DC is 'very active', what does that equate to?
I started to see a noticeable improvement once DD was swimming three times a week (she swims competitively, so the sessions are fairly intense), plus another sport once a week, and Cubs at quite an outdoorsy pack. She was also walking to and from school as well as the usual PE. Every time she's moved up a swimming squad, her sleep has improved further.
She now swims 5 times a week and the sessions are longer (1.5-2hrs instead of 1hr) and she still does her other sport once or twice a week. She has dropped Scouting. Her sleep issues now only reappear during the Summer and Xmas hols, when she's on a reduced swim timetable.

Wow you lot are amazing and so helpful - thank you so much!

@SkankingWombat very active means walking to school 4/5 days (about a mile), after school club one night, cricket once a week and football 4 times a week! We also try to fit in a swim but depends on time as I have a younger son too.

You can just buy melatonin on line. My GP told me just to buy it for myself. I am waiting for my ADHD diagnosis I've always struggled with sleep.

I would try meditation and a relaxing yoga routine