Baby Bedtime

[Makennahamley]

My 4 month old has been starting bedtime at 10pm each night and wakes every 3 hours to feed (i’m assuming it is to feed). He is exclusively breastfed and feeds more at night during the day. I have tried to stop this but i am so sleep deprived from 2 hours of sleep each stretch that i offer him my breast to send him back to sleep. I really have tried to get him to sleep earlier in the night however he sleeps from 8:30 - 9 and then won’t settle again until 10. Any advice on how to bring bedtime earlier and whether or not he is genuinely waking up hungry in the night?

In my experience that's really normal for that age and yes, they definitely need feeding during the night. Bedtimes didn't go to 8:30 until one was six months, the other fed till 9/10 until 12 months at least, then went to bed earlier. Feeding at night stimulates production of milk so it's really important. It will get easier as he gets older. Just be careful if you're Co sleeping he's not latching on for comfort. I always put mine in cot after feed.

I sometimes have to co sleep and feeed lying down because i am so sleep deprived that doing it any other way is dangerous. How did you keep yourself awake? @Rowen32

Oh that's so tough :-( I was lucky I was getting from about 11 until 4 at that age so I would get up at 4, have a snack, watch something on my phone and then go back to bed afterwards. Some people argue against sitting in a chair but for me it woke me up.. if you're not getting a chunk like that though it must be very hard
Is it possible they're distracted during the day and not drinking as much as they could and feeding more at night?
I would have had longer stretches between feeding at night than during the day..

Not in the newborn stage obviously (the longer stretches at night) but as time went on..

He is so distracted during the day whilst feeding, some days he refuses day feeds most of the day. i feel like i’ve tried most things to stop that, and have just accepted it’s going to take time to sort it out. it is especially hard when losing track of how long i’m feeding him at night if i can’t stay awake. Think it might just take me some sleepless nights to try and sort this by the logics of things. He also only cat naps during the day so i’m not sure if that has some impact, he never wakes from a nap and is hungry

Gosh yes anything you could do to bring up day feeds would be great. He might be feeding so much at night he's not hungry during the day...I'm only going by my own experiences and the few other babies I knoe but 4-5 hour stretches at night should definitely be possible, even longer depending on the baby

I wouldn't worry about cat naps, I think they're normal in the early months

Do you need him in bed before 10? Is it to go to bed earlier yourself? If not there isn’t a problem, he can be in a moses basket or bouncer wherever you are in the house. Or do you also wish to be in bed at 8:30? If so that’s another matter.

I only would like him to sleep by 10 to get some more sleep myself but if it is a feeding problem i understand that needs to be fixed first. As he only sleeps for around 30 minutes at 8/8:30 i don’t mind where he chooses to do this, the main problem is sleeping later than 10pm to wake up at 11 and then 00:30 and then every 2 hours during the night and up at 6:45 with the only thing to get him back to sleep is a feed. I understand he does not need feeding at those times which is probably the root cause of rejecting day time feeds but nothing else seems to work. We are in a vicious cycle. I don’t know wether to attempt a night where i continuously try to settle him without feeding however am then aware we both may not sleep during the night so am completely unsure what is best to do

Gosh, I'm not sure what to say. Do you have support to break the co sleeping? Someone else to comfort baby to reduce the night feeds..or even try stretch them a little. I don't know how you'd get him to be hungrier in the day except not to feed him at night which sounds cruel but even if you stretched the feeds a bit you might get there over a couple of weeks.. did he always feed more at night or is it a new thing?

I think once you're sure it's not cluster feeding and you know he can last x amount of time without milk I'd be trying really hard not to feed him until that time is up. So either distract him (hard during the night I know but maybe you've to treat night as day for a while) or have someone else there to take him. Also, make sure each feed is a proper feed, don't be letting him latch on and off for short times. Do a proper feed, both sides so you know he's definitely full up and then no more for x amount of time.
Have you spoken to a lactation consultant? Your supply is okay?
Just thinking if it's not do you have more milk at night, I know production is stimulated by night feeding but not sure you'd actually have more at night but a lactation consultant could advise.
If this is just a new thing though it's probably more likely a habit he's just gotten into you need to break

It is a new thing, we got into an okay ish pattern of doing a 5-6 hour stretch and then 3 hours but one day it just stopped. Day feeds dropped after he got unwell :(
Unfortunately it is just me. Tonight he went down at 10, woke up at 11, went down at 12 , then woke up at 2:15. fed for about 20 mins each time which is already less than usual so hopefully i can keep that up

My eight month old was the same, but he started to naturally fall into more of an early bedtime from five months onwards. Hopefully you don’t have too much longer to go.

For the night feeding, I would think that every two hours is totally normal for such a little baby. My oldest struggled to do more than that for at least his first year!

Sleep deprivation is awful though, do try and take care of yourself. I have found embracing it is easier than fighting it. Flask of tea/ hot chocolate, biscuits, box set on your phone. If you’re awake anyway, might as well enjoy the time! And, if you have a DP, make sure he takes the baby for a chunk of time each night so you can get some uninterrupted hours. Good luck!

Thank you! If you can recall, how long was yr oldest feeding for when he/she was waking every 2 hours?

I'd definitely be stretching the night feeds especially after an hour and trying to comfort him a different way..
If he could do 5-6 hour stretches it's just a bad habit he's gotten into I'd say..
It'd be different if he'd never gone long stretches..
As PP said every baby is different and hers fed a lot but mine were doing 5-6 hour stretches at 4 months and sleeping through 10/11 hours by 9 months, when he was doing long stretches too I'd be trying to get back to them, best of luck :-)

I have been giving him full feeds during the night however during the day he latches on n off and i’m lucky if he will feed for 10 mins straight. Last night i fed him no more than 10 mins on each side (however aware right now that means more frequent wakes so not sure if that is right to do) in hopes he may be hungrier for full feeds during the day. It is really hard cause every “solution” seems to have an issue lol