4 year old bedtime

[EleSI88]

My DD has never been a great sleeper. DH and I have to sit in her room/by the door until she falls asleep. She also comes in with us at some point in the night and very rarely sleeps all night in her room. Neither of these things bother me usually, I know she'll grow out of them.

This week however she's been awful at bedtime. Not getting into bed. Jumping on her bed. Running around her room. If I leave she follows me. If I swap with DH she gets very upset. Her grandparents put her to bed a few days ago and she was like this with them, and has been like it since with me. Could she be very overtired? Her bedtimes are getting later and later and she's not catching up. She seems wired at bedtime. We've been taking her up for a bath/stories with her younger brother (who sleeps brilliantly..) at 7:30. I know it sounds late but she usually just isn't tired before. But last night it took 2 hours and fell asleep with me eventually in her bed at 9:30! Any advice welcome! I know I should leave her to it eventually, but that would be a big and sudden change at this point.

What time does she get up in the morning?

At this age, 10-11 hours overnight is the average. Obviously some kids need more or less than that.

She's usually asleep sometime between 8 and 8:30, and awake sometime around 7. I'm wondering if she's exhausted from school or having some form of separation anxiety with me. I'm just not sure how to approach the crazy jumping around! Maybe once we've hit that point it's too late and I need to change the build up/timing of bedtime.

I don’t have much advice just want to let you know your not alone.

my 3 year old sleeps in my bed at the moment she won’t even entertain sleeping in her bed 😩 I take her up at 7 and we listen to a children’s sleep meditation and it normally takes about 30 minutes to get her to sleep.

I’m not worried to much right now I’m prioritising my sleep and mental health x

My 4 year old goes to bed at 8, is asleep by 8.30-9. He is up at 7. We have a strict routine, the only thing I would deviate for would be an extra cuddle, water or needing to go to the loo. We have a digital clock in the room so I have taught him to recognise 8.30 and he knows that at 8.30 mummy goes to bed. So at 8.30 I leave the room. He isn’t allowed to leave his room, if he needs me he can call me (he knows that and I remind him that). I always go when he calls me, even in the middle of the night. But the interaction is minimal: what do you need, X, ok there you go, good night. And I leave.
Also I tend to repeat to him that he is home and he is safe. He shares a room with his 6 year old brother and that helps them both feel safe and have company. It took a while to enforce all those boundaries but we were clear that this is what we wanted for bedtime, we couldn’t take any more how long it took to put them to bed. And 100% didn’t want the kids in our bed. We tell them: in our home everyone sleeps in their own bed.
So I suggest that you talk to your daughter and make a bedtime routine together while maintaining your boundaries (mum will put you to bed and will leave after the light are out). And be consistent, don’t deviate. Eventually it will become the norm x

I’m with you, Mumma!! I could have written this post about my son. He has bags of energy. You know after a long day of activities, or a soft play party, people often say “Oh, he’ll sleep well tonight”, I reply “No he bloody won’t!” 🤣. We do have a routine, sometimes it goes smoothly, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m hoping the universe will reward me for my efforts and it’ll smooth sailing when he turns 5 🙌🏼🫠. I have one good sleeper, so I thank the heavens for that atleast!

I had two good sleepers and one who seemed to think it was as a waste of jumping and running around time. She is pretty much still the same as a grown woman. It has been fine for her growing up, she can take a short nap when needed and then exercise, work, study socialise. She is very successful in everything she does but blumming heck I was tired when she was growing up!
In the end I found (for us) the best thing to do was put the little one to bed and then she and her older brother got in my bed for story time and quiet chat. When he was tired he would nip off to bed and I would read my book, sometimes she would lie next to me chatting and sometimes she would practice “ quiet ballet” at the end of my room. If she was being particularly energetic and the “ballet” turned into leaping on the bed we would have a game of sleeping lions or practice “yoga”.
I empathise with you. Good luck!

My daughter was like this (she’s just turned 7) and her younger brother is 3 - he’s always, always gone to bed between 6/6.30 (couldn’t stay awake any longer!) and I thought absolutely no that’s way to early but he’s always slept 11-12 hours straight through so I started it with my daughter when she was 4-6 and she’s slept a solid 10/11 hours. Obviously now she’s older she goes to bed between 7.30/8 but I would try giving her an earlier bedtime and see how you get on!

We're similar to @mama38midlifecrisis - bedtime was getting silly when DS was nearly 3 and we couldn't handle the shenanigans, so we had some chats about what bedtime should look like at calm moments when it wasn't actually bedtime, and we always stick to the routine. We realised that staying in the room till he fell asleep, which we'd been doing, was counterproductive because he was waiting anxiously to spot the moment we left, so was tense and keeping himself awake. So ultimately we decided it was kinder to just make it really really clear when we were leaving and how many times we were able to come back in, and after a few difficult nights he settled down and I think actually prefers it because he doesn't have to fixate on when we might sneak out. I will now go back in once if called, and I say 'I can't come in any more times after this' and he believes me. He did try to exploit a loophole of calling his other parent after I'd said I couldn't come back, but we've closed that one!