3 week old- tell me it won't always be like this...

[Trulybloodymassive]

DW and I had DD nearly three weeks ago. She's an absolute dream baby in the day. Loves the car, the pram, baths, having her nappy changed etc but at night she's proving so tricky.

We're struggling to put her down in the next 2 me for more than about 15-20 minutes at a time. She breastfeeds or is rocked to sleep and transfers over ok but it just doesn't last.

She's in a love to dream swaddle which she seems to quite like as it gives her access to her hands but she does seems to have quite a strong startle reflex too. It's so so hard. I'm back to work in a week and so worried about having to choose between exhaustion at work or DW having to shoulder more of the burden.

We can't cosleep due to low birthweight and not having the money to replace our soft mattress currently. I know babies this tiny just want to be close to you but I don't know how to fix this. We have the side down on the next to me and do patting and shushing from there.

Please help!

I'd wait a few more weeks until she's put on a bit of weight and cosleep then. We coslept from about 6 weeks and it changed everything. It was so much easier after that point.

John Lewis Anyday firm mattresses are decent and not too dear if you do end up deciding to switch.

But tbh I think no one would judge you for arranging safe cosleeping arrangements even while she's tiny. It's possibly more dangerous to only be sleeping in 20 minute chunks.

My DD refused a bottle and didn't sleep through until she was 2.5. For those early months, I slept in a different room from DH so he got some sleep before going to work. He would get up at 6ish, take the baby to hang out with him downstairs while he had breakfast and I would get an hour or two's sleep then. We used a Sleepyhead and a swaddle and she did build up to 90 mins between feeds quite quickly.

@RabbitsEatPancakes please tell us how you switched from contact naps to napping alone? And from co sleeping to their own crib in their own room?? As step by step as possible, thank you 😅

https://amzn.eu/d/3SxYHfQ
don’t get a hot water bottle, get this. Heat pad, heats the bed in 5mins and can be used throughout the night. We started with a hot water bottle but took so long and didn’t stay warm. This is genius

My DD was exactly the same, she would be constantly agitated all night until I think 5am, slowly it got earlier and earlier, I think around 3 months she started sleeping through until the regressions hit, there will be easy periods and hard periods

Can I also just say I love how you are considering DW in this.

White noise all night louder than you'd think
All my babies have slept on their side from night 1 the midwife in hospital told me and physically did it in hosp they all had horrible reflux so I felt much better about them not choking on their sick like this.
She will eventually go longer but it's really hard when you're in it

No advice but I remember being at your stage with my first and thinking 3 weeks felt like a lifetime and how was I ever going to get through it!!

my elderly is now 14 and the years have flown in faster than those 3 weeks.

it does get better

Congratulations!

It will get better - they go through phases, nothing is forever, not the bad but also not the good so try to enjoy the nice things while you can!

The only thing that saved us was sharing shifts and unsafe sleep. If you have money to burn, buy an owlet sock. It went off once with my DS when he was about 3 weeks old and we fell asleep on the sofa in the night. He was on my chest and his neck was in a funny position.

I am pregnant with my second and plan on using that and owlet sock to co-sleep because I can't keep the transfer dance up for weeks on end with a toddler to look after in the day.

Good luck!

Along with the solutions above we used my worn t shirt in the crib and a myhummy bear with heartbeat which worked for ours as white noise... it's not forever even if I know it feels like it right now to you! Second the sleeping in shifts arrangement too.

For the nighttime we used Lucy Wolfes book. It's a stay and support method of sleep training so you never leave them alone to cry- both slept through so quickly, we were gobsmacked.. We moved then to their own room/night weaned all at the same time. The night weaning was the easiest part- neither were at all bothered, you cut the feeds by 2 minutes every night- at that point they were very short but very often. Because was breastfeeding DP did the first 3 days of settling- you do need a hands on dad for this. He was always very good at soothing them, I'd always made sure it wasn't just me who could.

The contact naps to crib bit- mine never slept in the pushchair, only ever sllings/ on me/ maybe the car. I just started popping them in the crib sleepy but awake at the right wake window time- first nap of the day is always the easiest. The timings you need to work out for each baby - My 2 were very different to each other at the same age. And I followed the sleep, feed, play idea so they were full and didn't feed to sleep- both were incredibly refluxy/ CMPA babies so this suited them better too. Also white noise and blackouts made huge differences! My 5yo still has quiet white noise on but is perfectly happy to sleep without it.

My DD and DS, struggled with sleeping in the next to me at first. For the first few weeks, we used to put them in the Moses basket inside the chicco. Then after a few weeks they were fine in the chicco and enjoyed all the extra room

It will get better OP! So many babies are like that at this age, they're so tiny and dependant! I passionately recommend a swaddle that enclosed her arms and keeps her snug. I honestly think they're a game changer. In addition, dummy, white nose and blackout curtains. All of this combined creates a "womb like" effect. Sounds ridiculous 😂 but it worked wonders for us!

Good luck I hope you and your DW manage to get some sleep soon!

Update!

We have tried a load of these ideas (thank you!) and started to see some improvement. Last night DD did 2 consecutive hours in the next 2 me (we high-fived about that) and several other stints of up to an hour. Swaddling does seem to have made the difference- we're living the little seeds- think that was what they were called- swaddles because they're small enough for her but will also try the gro bag once she reaches 7lb.

Honestly never thought I'd be so excited by two hours of consecutive sleep but here we are. Also doing shifts which helps and both surviving.

Thanks so much!

Wondering how things are for you now, OP.
My baby is 3w today and literally in the same boat, absolutely exhausted