Help we’ve broken our baby’s sleep

[piggg]

Our little one is 9 weeks, and since he turned 8 weeks he has been only sleeping in 45 minute chunks (ie one sleep cycle), night and day. Previously was doing maybe 2-3 hour chunks. Honestly from one day to the next it’s like everything has been forgotten and we’re now just so so tired (and at our wits end reading all the internet advice).

Even in the pram where he would previously conk out for a good 1-2 hours, he wakes up at 45 minutes on the dot. Same in the sling. Only thing that gets him over an hour is a contact nap on dad, which isn’t super sustainable. We try to get him down for a nap every 60-90 minutes in the day, but not always successful as he has also starting becoming fully awake as soon as we place him down 90% of the time (and the other 10% he wakes up at 45 minutes).

At night he wakes up and always always needs a nappy change, so not sure if that’s stopping him from falling back/staying asleep? I’ve tried leaving him to resettle and cry, but it quickly escalates to full on screaming (the type where he almost stops breathing) and I’m wary of waking neighbours who are v noise sensitive! So not sure if we just need to ride it out until his bladder is a bit bigger. I also feed him at every wake up and he does get a good 10-15 minutes in before dozing off, so maybe he is hungry?

I’ve read it could be a milk protein allergy - would there be any other symptoms of this?

He’s done some huge developmental jumps this week (smiling, learning to grab) and he is quite content for periods of the day. I know part of this is developmental and he’ll hopefully learn to connect cycles in time, but wondering if anything we’ve done to break his sleep? Anything we can do? Or even just give us some hope this is temporary?

Four month regression.

Baby sleep changes all the time, it's never consistent for very long. Just keep your routine as consistent and low energy as much as possible. But with regressions you just have to weather through I'm afraid. It does end though.

My son was sleeping in 15 minute chunks. Contact napping helped to establish the connection of his sleep cycles and now he sleeps wonderfully touchwood.

Use a tracker maybe to see when he is in the mood for a nap. Every 60 to 90 minutes sounds bit too often to me.

Maybe build in regular out door time in the routine as this is amazing at tiring kids out. Fresh air, stimulation does wonders.

thank you for your reply! We did think this sounded a lot like the 4 month regression, but then he’s only just turned 2 months so we weren’t sure if our boy was just advanced (lol). There’s some stuff online about an 8 week regression linked to melatonin levels but that didn’t seem to be an established thing.

Will try to keep consistent and have a look at the nap times; I say 60-90 minutes because it normally takes us a good half hour to get him to actually fall asleep and settle properly (which now that I read it maybe it’s indeed because it’s too soon).

We do get out for a long walk every day (more for my sanity than anything else) - it’s just these walks have become less enjoyable now he wakes up 45 minutes in and starts to scream. Maybe 2 shorter walks would work better…

There's usually a window for 4 month regression (8 to 12 weeks old) and similar for subsequent ones. I remember my daughter going through all of the regressions but funnily enough not my son. Even though he's younger.

Yeah, I'd take baby's lead in this case and just use a tracker to identify a pattern. Once you have a noticeable pattern you can work around that to keep your sanity. You don't need to use trackers forever too.

A walk might not be interesting enough...take him to stay and plays, library baby groups etc where activity, noise, toys etc will give him more to process and be stimulated about.

It sounds very normal. Shit, but very normal. I think you can overthink these things and try to look for a cause to fix them but unfortunately, the answer is usually just ‘because they are a baby and it will get better with time’.

WRT changing overnight, if it’s just a wee (usually they have stopped pooing overnight by now), I wouldn’t necessarily change. It’s quite disruptive. Particularly if it’s causing him to become upset. Every time you raise cortisol levels, you knock off melatonin and disrupt sleep.

Please don't leave him to cry again. You left him until he was almost unable to breathe because he was crying so much? Srsly?

It's so tough with babies when they sleep so little or at times that make life unbearable.

I don't think babies are meant to sleep for long chunks of time. You can't break their sleep, so to speak.

Are you working, op? Is it possible to nap when he naps during the day if you're not back at work yet.

Contact napping until it passes. It will pass 👍

I’ve tried leaving him to resettle and cry, but it quickly escalates to full on screaming

He is WAY to young for this- please don't do this again until he is six months old at the very youngest.

You CANNOT leave a 9 week old baby to scream like that. I’m sorry but even the arseholes to believe in cry it out don’t do it to 9 week olds. They’re screaming because they need something, not for fun. All they learn is that you won’t help them and nobody’s coming. I know it’s hard but please don’t do that.

In terms of the nappies, do they genuinely need changing? If they are just a tiny bit wet then leave it. Modern nappies are very moisture wicking. They don’t need changing the second they are the tiniest bit wet. Also, have you checked in case you need to go up to the next size or try another brand?

Developmental leaps happen at this age and again at 4 months, and it does make their sleep go to shit. Take it in turns for contact naps, while the other parent sleeps if that gives you more time. It won’t be forever.

You don't need to change every wet nappy, they're designed to absorb lots of liquid. Stopping changes overnight will help.

In the day, at 40 mins of nap, get the pram and rock it so he stays asleep. He needs to link the sleep cycles to sleep longer.

This is not the age for trying to analyse or try to fix sleep. It will cause a lot of stress for everyone and be a waste of time. Young babies are developing so rapidly, just when you think you understand them it all changes again. Yes it is exhausting but it will pass. You can try to encourage good habits of course but don't enforce them. See where you are at 6 months.

Thanks everyone for your replies - just want to reassure you all that “leaving him to resettle and cry” I’m literally talking about 15-30 seconds from first whine (as I read sometimes they can stir and then fall back asleep; I’m also stroking his head at this point and shh’ing) to the point where he screams and I pick him up. I would not and could not leave him like that for any length of time. I’ve just seen the advice to let them resettle a lot online, and I wanted to mention in my post that doesn’t seem to work for us.

For nappies we can try to leave it - I will say that most of the nappies overnight are mixed so I wouldn’t want to leave him too long. Also our guy is a sensitive soul and really seems bothered by wet nappies, even in the day we can always tell he’s wee’d because he cries (even before the magic blue line) and fusses until we change him. Maybe though because they’re mixed and not just wet there’s another issue at hand if they’re only supposed to be wet by this point? We’ve only just gone up to size 3s this past week and currently using Aldi as Sainsbury’s were just awful for him. No leaks or anything so far with Aldi so I think they’re ok, but may be worth checking another.

I’ll look into some more baby groups now - we already do baby sensory but tbh i was thinking about stopping (and finding something else) as he’s so little im not sure what he’s getting from it! I’ll see if i can pack our week a bit more, thank you.

Thank you that really helps - reassuring that it’s normal developmentally and it should pass, and not something we’ve necessarily done! I’ve been veering between just leaning into it and going with the flow, and trying to follow these more rigid schedules you see online. For my own sanity we’ll got with the former and try to do best by our little man.

Although lots of helpful advice in here for things we can maybe do better so I’ll do them!

He won't be getting anything out of any kind of baby group at this age. They are for you to get out of the house and meet other new mums etc.

Sounds absolutely normal for a newborn only 9 weeks old. Too early to be 4 month regression. There's a growth spurt at 9 weeks though.

Remember wake windows should lengthen throughout the day so they are shorter in the morning compared to before bedtime.

Does he always fall asleep on the boob? Might be developing sleep association- mine did this and woke every 45mins through the night until I night weaned at 7/8 months.

Thank your for the reassurance - if it’s normal then fine to dig our heels in and ride it out, I think it was the abrupt one day to the next change that got us thinking we’ve done something wrong here and I’d hate to reinforce bad habits. Plus the internet is full of “my baby slept 5 hours at 8 weeks” so something wasn’t adding up for us. He’s definitely nice and chunky now so hope a big development leap and growth spurt is coming our way!

Great tip on wake windows, I didn’t know that!

He doesn’t always feed to sleep; my partner is able to get him down with lots of rocking, and I do it too - it’s just usually in the middle of the night on the 7th wake up the temptation to just do what works is too strong! Last night after feeding though he was still fussing so I gave him a cuddle and a pat until he slept, so it’s not always the boob that does it, but we’re probably guilty of forming some sort of association.

The advice to resettle is NOT applicable to newborns.

It is worth managing your expectations about the realities of baby sleep. Multiple night wakes are natural and normal well into the toddler years.

Also feeding to sleep is natural and normal, you cannot for a bad association here. Please do not stop feeding him to sleep.

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

This is a normal developmental phase and you just have to go with it. He’s WAY too young to self settle. It was really unfair of you to try to allow him to do that at 8’weeks

Again we tried to “allow him to self settle” for about 30 seconds maximum with us at his side and stroking/patting in case he was just stirring/in light sleep. As soon as it became clear he is properly awake (and he’s very good at making that apparent very quickly!) we scooped him with plenty of cuddles and kisses.

I understand your point and your care for baby (for which I thank you and it’s taken on board), but really your first sentence was sufficient. I already felt like a bad mother creating this thread because I couldn’t help my child sleep well; I now feel like a terrible one.

Multiple night wakes are all well and good (very much signed on for it when we had a child), was more curious about the sudden degradation from 1-3 nightly wake ups to 5+ and what we might have done to cause that if anything, or if this is just baby’s first regression and we should buckle up (I’m thinking the latter which honestly is reassuring!).

You haven't messed anything up.

Walks are FINE for baby. Not saying don't do groups too but daylight and fresh air are really important for both of you.

You say he's waking up screaming 45 minutes into the walk. Is he hungry, dirty nappy, cold, hot, windy?

My baby didn't enjoy being flat at a similar age but loved the sling and slept in it. We were usually able to transfer him from the sling when we got home.

For the pram we put a rolled-up towel underneath the pram mattress at the head end so he wasn't totally flat.

He sounds exactly like my baby. Mine was sleeping 7 hour chunks weeks 7-9 and then it suddenly went to pot the same way. Sorry to say it didn't improve, we did everything every book says and we would only get 2 hour chunks out of him. He improved around 3.5 months and then 2 weeks later we had the 4 month regression which was BRUTAL. We sleep trained at 5 months. Hang in there.

I had the same problem with my little one, and i found a solution, it's maybe kind of silly, but my son was sleeping at 2/3 am... I was going crazy, and now 20/20:30 is sleeping almost every day..

The silly solution??

This YouTube video

He immediately liked the first time, and every night i put the video, sometimes once was enough, sometimes 2/3 times, and he starts closing his eyes..

It's silly, but this video saved me from going crazy....

🙏🙏

@piggg how are you getting on? Passing a similar phase with my 9 week old. 😫

Your boy is an individual so try to take his lead than what books or the Internet say. Secondly, don't spend time trying to fix this. It's too early. It's about getting by. Personally I'm not a fan of contact naps. Lovely for short periods but you don't get much rest really and you can't do anything else either. Is he warm enough?
The best advice I can give you is a mantra and is THIS TOO WILL PASS. Honestly it will. Try going with the flow 】and accepting life is very different for a while. Good luck. You sound lovely and are doing well!