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Original poster

how long to change routine for 5 yo

13 replies

fanaticalfairy · 29/01/2025 09:43

DD5 is being transitioned to going to sleep on her own.
We did used to stay with her to sleep, but now can't do this. it's is time for her to learn to sleep on her own. She has lights out oat 7pm, and is usually asleep by 7:30 - and wakes around 7:30am not tired.

We started on Friday night - and she had her usual stories and cuddle, then we said goodnight and we'll check in on her in 10 minutes. She was allowed to listen to a story on Yoto - and then sleep radio. She fell asleep around 9.30pm after many getting up out of bed etc, she went back easily and eventually passed out...

Saturday night, getting up "can I go to the toilet..." " can I drink my water..." after lots of discovering her playing with her cuddly toys / reading books/ rolling round on the floor. Put her back into bed and said we'll be back in 10 mins etc. she eventually passed out at 10:30pm :/

Sunday night, explained she didn't need to ask to go to the toilet/have a drink - just do it - had one story - 8:30pm
Monday - 8:30pm
Tuesday - 8:45pm

I've been having to wake her up at 7:45/8am and get her up and out to school.
How long do we keep trying this? She will sleep within 15-20 mins if we're there. But now she's taking 1h30m+ to settle. And she's TIRED. She tried to get back into bed this morning - I told her she couldn't and she feels so sleepy because she's taking too long to go to sleep, so tonight she has to try really hard to fall asleep as soon as she can. I'm going to help her by limiting her to only sleep radio OR one story on Yoto after lights out.

But, how long should it take to get her back to a sensible falling asleep time? considering we're "breaking" a 5 year long habit.

OP posts:
BigSilly · 29/01/2025 09:53

It's only been 4 days!Much longer than that I would say. Also 8.30 til 8am is 11. 5 hours and a pretty good sleep I would say!

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 29/01/2025 10:21

yes, it is, but we need to be out of the house at 8:20! :)

she's still catching up from the 10:30pm sleep too

OP posts:
UninterestingFirstPost · 29/01/2025 10:29

Pop in every, say, 3 minutes. The next night every 4, etc. Have one parent be around upstairs (e.g. folding laundry in the next room). It will take at least a week.

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 29/01/2025 13:19

ok, ill try shortening the time between check in and give it another 4 or 5 days

OP posts:
Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 02/02/2025 20:43

We're still having 8:30-9:30 sleep times, with lots of getting up

Any tips on how to stop the constant getting out of bed?

OP posts:
doihaveacase · 02/02/2025 20:56

Maybe try the disappearing cushion technique? I did this with my admittedly younger child but it was very gentle. And since you start off inside the room, you can shush her, tell her not to get up etc. As she's 5, maybe skip straight to cushion by the door and then outside.

One of my other kids responded well to a reward chart. Sticker for each time they stayed in bed from lights out to morning, get 5 in a row and win <insert suitably motivational prize here!>

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 02/02/2025 21:03

doihaveacase · 02/02/2025 20:56

Maybe try the disappearing cushion technique? I did this with my admittedly younger child but it was very gentle. And since you start off inside the room, you can shush her, tell her not to get up etc. As she's 5, maybe skip straight to cushion by the door and then outside.

One of my other kids responded well to a reward chart. Sticker for each time they stayed in bed from lights out to morning, get 5 in a row and win <insert suitably motivational prize here!>

It feels like "failing" to go back in her room 😞 😞 😞 and feels like it just means she's getting exactly what she wants. I.e. me in the room?

She's been up and out of her room 6 times already since 7:30 :'(

I kind of want to just give up, she will be so tired again tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
Eachpeachpears · 02/02/2025 21:07

Might be missing the point but why is it so important she does this on her own now? You say you 'can't' sit by her to fall asleep anymore but don't say why. If it only takes 15 minutes then is it really a huge issue?

doihaveacase · 02/02/2025 21:08

Well, I totally get what you're saying but it would be more of a "fail" if you gave up. Maybe she needs a bit more time to get used to the idea you are not in the room, and if she knows you are near by, she might be able to focus more on falling asleep than on strategies to get you back into the room?

Solidarity though - we have 5yo twins and just did this after their 5th birthday. However they have each other there and so protests so far have been muted. On the other hand one or other of them is frequently discovered in our bed the following morning Blush

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 02/02/2025 21:23

Eachpeachpears · 02/02/2025 21:07

Might be missing the point but why is it so important she does this on her own now? You say you 'can't' sit by her to fall asleep anymore but don't say why. If it only takes 15 minutes then is it really a huge issue?

No, it got to the point where it was taking 80+ minutes. It used to be 15 minutes.

Maybe she's going to bed too early? I've tried earlier times, later times.

I just don't know what to do anymore..

OP posts:
Tryingtohelp12 · 02/02/2025 21:30

I usually just say I’ll be back in 10 minutes… you stay here and relax while I just (put the baby down/put jammies on et ) and then by the time I check on her she’s asleep

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 02/02/2025 21:37

I say that, bit of she feels it's been "too long" she gets up...
If she has the urge to tell me something, she gets up ....
I keep putting her back to bed (not saying anything) and she just gets up again:(

OP posts:
Ohana2020 · 19/01/2026 11:45

Did you ever get anywhere with this @fanaticalfairy ? Sounds just like my daughter atm! 11pm bedtime last night 🤯

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