Night time potty training / sleep advice needed… 🆘🚨‼️

[M2021]

Hi! My daughter is three and a half and has been daytime potty trained since she was around 2. She has recently begun waking in the night to use the toilet. We struggle with her sleep a lot, frequently waking and trying everything to get me into her room. This ranges from turning the tonie box back on, putting her blankets back on, adjusting her door so it is in the position she’s requested…. The list continues. I have recently begun refusing to go into her room in the night, there are often lots of tears before she finally puts the tonie box back on, gets into bed, and goes back to sleep. With the recent development of toilet trips, it is very difficult to know when she actually needs to go and when she’s just trying to make me get up. I’d say 50% of the time she actually uses the toilet and the other 50% she’ll sit on the toilet and reel off her lists of demands before telling me she doesn’t actually need to go.

WHAT DO I DO?! I don’t want to prevent her going to the toilet and potentially stunt her developmentally and make night time potty training harder down the line. But I also don’t want to keep getting up a fuelling the need to get me into her room when she wakes in the night. She has slept through on a couple of occasions, but most nights wakes between 2-5 times.

Note: There is a baby gate on her room to prevent her from wondering the house or coming into my room when she wakes and refuses to go back to sleep. If I remove the gate to allow her to go to the toilet alone, on the times she doesn’t need to go and is just causing havoc, it’ll take much much longer for her to self soothe.

Please help!!!

I am following here for some advice as we’re in the same boat with our 3 year old

Can you put a potty in her room to use at nighttime?

I had been thinking about this, but also might that cause problems down the line? Would the transition from potty in bedroom to using the bathroom be tricky? I guess it could work for the time being, until her sleep in general is better, then make the transition when I know she won’t be escaping her room for the sake of it!

one problem that I think you have is that once awake, your bladder wakes up.
The hormone we produce to stop us weeing only happens when we are asleep.

You probably know this for yourself because if you wake up for some reason in the night, you usually end up going for a wee before you go back to bed.

So it is a bit chicken and egg, once she is awake, she really does end up needing to go.

This makes so much sense and I hadn't thought of this before... Although adds a further layer of complication- which do I tackle first!

I'd agree with trying the potty in her room - in the morning could you reward a wee in the potty that you haven't had to deal with in the night? By way of an incentive to do it herself? I'm sure you've tried rewards before but this might add an extra twist.

If she sleeps in with you does she actually sleep or does she fuss about? I'd be tempted to just let her come in to your bed if it's your comfort she's looking for but I know that's not everyone's choice - and if she's not actually going to sleep then neither is anyone else.

Thank you

I made the mistake of co-sleeping since she was a newborn until 2, and breast fed that entire time too. I think that is the root cause of the sleep problems, I am her comfort thing. She does sleep through the night in my bed, but she takes up so much room I don't get any sleep, we both need to be in our own beds I think. I'm just so tired, but can't give in otherwise going back to her own room is going to be a mammoth challenge!

Perhaps don't focus on her needing a wee in the night and focus more on your bed time routine and make her feel safe and secure before she goes to sleep. She might be waking up because she's a little anxious when she goes to sleep and then needs the loo. Do you stay with her untill she falls asleep and have lots of cuddles and snuggles before bed? You could also try some high activity before bath time to get her endorphins up before bed. You probably find a good night's sleep harder when you're stressed or anxious - it's the same for little ones.

I would also say, I have 3 kids. They were all early potty trained, the youngest trained herself at 18 months in the garden in the summer. (nothing to do with me!)

But the oldest wore a night time nappy until 4+. The middle one, who was the worst during the day for accidents, actually was dry all night from about day 3 of daytime training, and the last one, the early trained toddler, wasn't dry at night until a year later.

So daytime dryness does not necessarily = night time. My oldest also drank loads and we had to lift him at night for a long time, as he just had such a full bladder he couldn't make it through the night.

I know it seems backwards, but I would be tempted ot put a pull up on at night and not deal with nighttime potty at all, just concentrate on sleep. Once she is in a good sleep pattern, you can get rid of the pull up.