17 months old sleep issues are driving me insane

[Glowz]

My 17 month old has slept through the night probably 6/7 times since she was born. And she was up at 4:30/5am on these nights. Every night without fail she will end up in our bed between 12-2am. Sometimes she falls back to sleep, sometimes she is just in-between asleep and awake and just crawling over us. She is then up and ready for the day at 4/4:30am as she climbs out of our bed and wants to go downstairs.

She was breastfed until 6 months due to having reflux and I couldn't pump enough to put the gaviscon in a bottle so she moved onto kendamil. At around 10 months she was prescribed a blue inhaler but now the doctor doesn't think she needs it (totally fine with this and I agree)

It's now impacting my relationship with my husband, I feel resentful towards her and my son (4) is now also waking up super early to go downstairs. She naps for around 1-2 hours a day depending on if she's at nursery or home and she is only sleeping around 7-8 hours at night if she settles in our bed (including broken sleep, some nights it's as little as 4-5)

Things I've tried
We've moved from a sleeping bag to toddler duvet and pillow
Trying a bottle of milk before bed
Not giving a bottle of milk before bed
Putting her down drowsy
Rocking her to sleep
Using a dummy
Humidifier in the room
Calpol vapour plug in
Colder room
Warmer room
Milk when she wakes up in the night
Putting her in my son's double bed with me if he has come into our bed
Cot is tilted

I've been to the doctor's so many times who are just not helping, I need sleep! We have a solid routine of bath, book, bottle & bed and she will be settled until 12-2am but she never goes past this.

Is there anything anyone has tried that I've missed? Literally willing to give anything a go at this point no matter the cost. We've tried a sleep 'reset' where I kept her awake in the day until as late as possible and put her to bed at 8pm but this seemed to make things worse.

I wish there was a safe sleeping pill/medicine for kids even if it was just one night of sleep.

Should add, I have tried just letting her cry but I physically and mentally cannot do it.

Hey, posting in solidarity because I have a similar situation with our 18 month old. She sleeps in the cot until about midnight and then cries until one of us co-sleeps with her on a guest mattress in her room. Also not going to let her cry it out. Any words of wisdom welcome!!

It's so hard isn't it! And everyone else around bragging about how well their kid sleeps. My son slept through from 3 months (with the exception of regressions and illnesses) but I never used to tell people he was a good sleeper until 18months as I didn't want to be one of those mums

My oldest daughter was like this at 18 months. She used to wake at 1.30ish, I'd go in and feed her (breast) then lie down in a bed in her room and she would climb about on top of me pointing out bits of my body and happily declaring "Mummy eye, Mummy nose" etc while I was trying to get back to sleep.

She would fall asleep at about 4 and then T 5.30 the alarm went off and I'd get up for work. I was completely exhausted.

I don't agree with "cry it out" but "controlled crying" worked well for me. When she woke up and started crying I went into her room and soothed her with my voice and by stroking her back until she stopped crying, but I didn't pick her up or feed her. As soon as she started crying again, I did the same. She was never left to cry without me for more than the few seconds it took to get into her bedroom.

On the first night she cried four times. On the second night I was steeling myself for a similar experience but she didn't cry once and from then on she slept through every night.

I wished I had done it earlier!

Thank you for this advice. I am still in a similar position to your 'before' scenario. When you say soothed her with your voice, did she stop crying? I can't imagine my daughter would, she stands up in the cot and bellows. But maybe I need to steel myself to sit in her room and wait until she 'cries it out' in my presence?!

@Elliephant07 dIt's many years ago now but as far as I recall I mine never bellowed. I went into her room at the first sign of crying so she didn't have time to get really upset.

I got down to her level and talked to her quietly, stroking her back, or perhaps arm or face, depending on what position she was in, until she calmed down. It didn't take long as I recall (perhaps a couple of minutes each time). As soon as she was quiet again I left.

I would definitely stay with her, but not just let her cry it out with you sitting there. It is your touch and your voice that will make her feel secure and eventually soothe her. I wanted my daughter to know that if she cried I would come and comfort her, but that it was time for her to sleep and I wouldn't play with her or feed her.

Good luck!