Separation Crying. Wont resettle

pinkpepperclove · 2025-01-24T07:04:48+00:00

Looking for any tips or techniques to get my 9 month old through the night. Shes typically a good sleeper. We can get from 7-2am with no events. But recently the separation anxiety has kicked in and the only way I can settle her in in bed with me where she will go back down till 7am. It’s not sustainable as I’m due back at work next week. I also don’t want to create bad sleep habits. All online guidance doesn’t give tips on it being about comfort. Literally the minute I put her back in her cot she kicks off. any help! Open to anything at this point x

Downbadatthegym · 24/01/2025 07:13

Someone might have a magic solution but I would just keep them in with you and make sure you are safe co sleeping. They aren’t going to want to sleep in your bed forever. That said my 18 month old won’t sleep that long so maybe I am the wrong person to comment.

Sagittarius25 · 24/01/2025 08:40

DS went through this in his 12 month sleep regression. would be fine when we were there then stand up and cry when we left. we didn't want to co-sleep at all ever, it's not right for us. so we did have to leave him to it most of the time. if he was really hard crying or hysterical we would obviously go in and comfort him, in timed intervals if needed, but if just on and off moany crying we left him to try and settle with dummy and comforter. he was already sleep trained way before this and would self settle so we were just trying to reinforce those habits during a tricky time. he got through it in 2/3 weeks and went back to normal.

Eenameenadeeka · 24/01/2025 08:43

Downbadatthegym · 24/01/2025 07:13

Someone might have a magic solution but I would just keep them in with you and make sure you are safe co sleeping. They aren’t going to want to sleep in your bed forever. That said my 18 month old won’t sleep that long so maybe I am the wrong person to comment.

This.

Original poster

pinkpepperclove · 24/01/2025 09:43

Sagittarius25 · 24/01/2025 08:40

DS went through this in his 12 month sleep regression. would be fine when we were there then stand up and cry when we left. we didn't want to co-sleep at all ever, it's not right for us. so we did have to leave him to it most of the time. if he was really hard crying or hysterical we would obviously go in and comfort him, in timed intervals if needed, but if just on and off moany crying we left him to try and settle with dummy and comforter. he was already sleep trained way before this and would self settle so we were just trying to reinforce those habits during a tricky time. he got through it in 2/3 weeks and went back to normal.

Can I ask how you did it? As in pat/rock/don’t pick up?

She isn’t a bad self settler normally so think this might be the only approach

OP posts:

Sagittarius25 · 24/01/2025 09:50

@pinkpepperclove when we did the initial sleep training around 5 months we used the ferber method so increasing intervals of leaving him until going in to reassure and leave again when calm, but not asleep. he cracked it in about 3/4 nights. We also ditched the dummy at bedtime at the same time so DS learnt not to rely on something. He still naps with the dummy, even now and is nearly 15 months, but not at bedtime. he has the dummy anytime from about 3am onwards to get him through the last bit of sleep which is naturally lighter sleep as less sleep pressure. I know there is a lot of sleep training haters out there but ferber is a responsive method so not complete cry it out and it worked for us as a family. he's a great independent sleeper now.

during the 12 month regression and his tricky separation anxiety phase we would go in if crying badly, reassure, try not to pick him up out the cot, so try and lay him down, couple pats and shhh and then try and leave again. it was a lot of in and out and on one night he was like it from 4am - 6am and never really went back to sleep in that time so had to start the day at 6am. but we stayed firm on the boundary that he stayed in his room and in his cot and the day didn't start before 6am, as we didn't want to change any sleep habits. it was tiring on us as in and out a lot but he got through it.

Original poster

pinkpepperclove · 24/01/2025 11:07

Sagittarius25 · 24/01/2025 09:50

@pinkpepperclove when we did the initial sleep training around 5 months we used the ferber method so increasing intervals of leaving him until going in to reassure and leave again when calm, but not asleep. he cracked it in about 3/4 nights. We also ditched the dummy at bedtime at the same time so DS learnt not to rely on something. He still naps with the dummy, even now and is nearly 15 months, but not at bedtime. he has the dummy anytime from about 3am onwards to get him through the last bit of sleep which is naturally lighter sleep as less sleep pressure. I know there is a lot of sleep training haters out there but ferber is a responsive method so not complete cry it out and it worked for us as a family. he's a great independent sleeper now.

during the 12 month regression and his tricky separation anxiety phase we would go in if crying badly, reassure, try not to pick him up out the cot, so try and lay him down, couple pats and shhh and then try and leave again. it was a lot of in and out and on one night he was like it from 4am - 6am and never really went back to sleep in that time so had to start the day at 6am. but we stayed firm on the boundary that he stayed in his room and in his cot and the day didn't start before 6am, as we didn't want to change any sleep habits. it was tiring on us as in and out a lot but he got through it.

Edited

Next question… do you want to come and do this for my little girl?? 😛

OP posts: