Please can someone help? I am desperate now.

[ali23]

I have a beautiful daughter who has just turned one and who has never - not even once - slept through the night. On average we have two or three wakenings and I breastfeed back to sleep. I have tried alternate methods but eventually gave up because it was too exhausting as dd screamed and refused to settle. I have basically tried everything - the NCSS etc - everything bar CC but I am now on my knees with lack of sleep. She is now pushing me away after feeding at night and is then taking up to an hour to go back to sleep but won't settle in my arms, is in fact biting me constantly which is sore and frustrating. If I put her in the cot she wakes up completely, laughs and pulls herself up to walk around the cot. I am shattered and need some help. My HV has been useless - CC all the way - but I just don't feel this is something I want to do and my partner agrees. But we are out of our heads with no sleep. What can we do? Will it ever get better? Right now it feels like it's getting worse rather than better. Sorry for long, rambling post.

Hi,

I have a non-sleeper too, also just turned one. Although I have had 6 full nights sleep since she was born so I count myself lucky.

I met a girl this weekend who told me how she has got her 15 month old dd to sleep. She put a mattress on the floor in her dd's room and made the room child proof. She then started to put her dd to sleep on the mattress. She stopped feeding her to sleep and just lay down next to her stroked her hair, sang etc. If her dd woke up she did this again, sometimes she would fall asleep next to her. Within a week she was only waking up once during the night and the mummy didn't mind as she could just curl up next to her and they would fall asleep together. It's now been a month and most nights she sleeps from 7.30pm to 6.30am.

I'm moving house soon, so I'm going to try this method.

Good Luck

agree with pyschobabble. I co-slept on and off with my dd at this age, she never slept through the night and i found it much easier to feed and then go back to sleep rather than keep having to get up and put her in cot etc.

around about 14 months i think, I did start to get tired and hv simply said 'stop feeding her at night then if you want'. I never thought it would work but it was actually really easy just to stop feeding her when she woke up, it took a day or two and she just stopped waking up! (didn't do any cc cos i was in bed with her, didn't offer water, just lay down next to her till she gave up).

i know this sounds glib, and it might not be that easy for you but it might be worth a try.

Thanks! I have co-slept but recently she just doesn't want to lie down if she's awake and i have to get up and walk/rock. However, last night wasn't too bad - we were only up twice and the worst for for half an hour. This is absolutely fine and I feel almost normal today! Always helps when the sun shines like it does this morning too - somehow a decent night and a bit of sunshine makes the world seem a little brighter. I will take these suggestions on board and thanks again. Rationally I know it has to get better but there are just some nights when things seem desperate and it helps just to know you are not alone as you navigate the stormy waters in the not sleep ship!

Jesus, Riven, you deserve a medal.

Hi Ali,

My boy was like that, so I feel intense sympathy for you. I felt like I was going to either a) go insane, or b) throw him out of the window (whichever came first....either looked a possibility to me!)

I think, looking back from a (sleepier) place - I think I fell victim to my own perfectionism. I wasn't going to let my baby cry, ever, oh no! I was going to breastfeed until HE wanted to stop, I was going to be the perfect parent, etc. etc. etc. It was my HV (and my mother) who made me see sense. Babies need to stop breastfeeding eventually. Babies need to cry sometimes. I KNOW it's hellish - but my lad cried solidly for 3 nights in a row (I was weeping in the living room, rocking backwards and forwards, and feeling like a murderer...), but then - stopped crying and slept for 7 hours through. And I stopped breastfeeding...and he lived. I got sleep. I got happier (I was heading straight for the box marked 'depression', and you might be too...). My relationship got happier (we were ready to kill each other as well...)

At this rate, your health will suffer. Your relationship will suffer. Your job will suffer - and your life will suffer. Make the big decision and give yourself permission to let her CIO. She'll be fine - honestly!!!

Good luck - whatever you choose to do!

Mhairi