4 month old will only sleep on me

[TheUndoing]

I’m absolutely desperate for help with my four month old, I feel like I’m losing my mind.

He just cannot be put down. We started co sleeping when my husband went back to work, I thought it would be a week or so until we could get him to sleep in his bassinet but he still wakes instantly if you put him in it. He will only contact nap during the day and now hates the pram or the car seat because he can’t sleep on then. He will basically only feed to sleep now too so it’s getting harder and harder for my DH to get him down.

I adore my baby but I feel so smothered. I worry about the safety of co sleeping so much, especially if he starts to roll. I’m desperate for him to sleep in his own space but I just have no idea how to make it happen. I’m so tired I cry almost every day. I just want to enjoy my lovely baby properly but I feel like I’ve let him down by not making any effort to support him sleeping independently.

All the other mums seem able to pop their baby in the crib at night and have a few hours to themselves or have their baby nap in a pram on the go. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.

You haven't done anything wrong. It is so normal, but that doesnt mean it isn't also really hard. Mine only contact napped until 6m but thankfully did nap in the car. The pram only worked when he was really really tired and he only did 30mins. At this age too they're more alert and so don't want to miss out. Have you tried a sling? At night we used a t shirt of mine as a fitted sheet so it smelled like me. We warmed the cot beforehand and waited until he had been asleep for at least 20mins before transferring, feet first. Swaddle sleeping bag also helped. We also used whitenoise continuously. At that age he was waking every 2hrs sometimes less but was also breastfed so I did every bed and wake. This is a really difficult age and I hope it improves for you. If you want to try and get them to sleep independently it's a little young. You also don't have to and are not letting them down. We never sleep trained and he now sleeps all night by himself, it came naturally. They are hard wired to want you close

I have no advice on how to get baby to sleep independently but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and I’ve been there.

what helped me was looking after me rather than trying to solve the sleeping issues. Co-sleep for naps and nap too. Hand over baby as soon as DH comes home and go off somewhere else or even go to bed for a bit. You are effectively on duty all night and all day and you are so overwhelmed and over touched from all that time so the time your DH is home they need to be on duty as much as possible.

I remember a particular low point was laying on the bedroom floor breaking down because of the rage I felt from being touched by my DH walking passed me 😅

we found a separate co-sleep bed in babies room better. We took down the cot and put a firm double mattress on the floor. I put DC to bed with me in there and then rolled away and we’d get at least 45 mins of baby free time. DH cooked while I was putting down and then watched the monitor so I was completely off duty and enjoy a meal together.

just to add, it does get better. My DC is 2 now and last night he fell asleep by himself and slept through until 6am in his bed. This has only started to happen regularly recently but what helped me get through was remembering that in the grand scheme of their and our lives 2 years is a small amount of time (regardless of if they’re the hardest 😅)

Just to add, you have not done anything wrong. Not all people are the same and therefore not all babies are the same. They are biologically wired to want us close for their own survival. You’ve not failed because you’ve not got them to sleep independently, that’s stupid western social media crap that makes you feel bad.

You are not alone. Same thing happened to me when my son was a baby. I thought I was going mad with exhaustion. Have you tried to put an item of your clothing underneath of him , so he could smell you and think that you are close.

You're not doing anything wrong and contact napping is so normal, babies just want to feel close to you.
Do you have a sling or baby carrier? I had to carry my DD around the house in one at one point so I could get stuff done because she literally wouldn't be put down.
The thing to remember with all the tough baby stages is "this too shall pass".