Safe sleeping question!

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My little boy is 12 weeks in a couple of days. I’m really eager to start a bed time routine.

Currently I take him upstairs when I go to bed which is around 11pm. He could easily sleep from 7/8pm with feed wakings.

My problem is, the guidance states that they should sleep in the same room as you until 6 months.

What I would like to do is put him in his bed with his sleep environment with frequent check ins and the baby monitor. I don’t fancy going to bed at 7pm myself! Too many chores!

Backstory, I have a two year old who i kept downstairs and no fixed routine. She is a terrible sleeper and I think I may have encouraged it!

i just wanted other’s thoughts, is it an absolute no go? Downstairs the TV & Lamp is on so it isn’t reflective of the sleep environment I want to create.

With my first i didn’t even consider this but her sleep is awful! I have a nanny breathing pad but i guess im looking for others experiences!

Also if anybody can help me navigate getting a toddler to bed with a newborn that would be great! He always seems to wake during her bedtime, were managing but its rough! Dad works away!

A baby monitor is not an acceptable substitute for a baby sleeping in the same room as you. The Lullsby Trust are clear on this

Babies should always be in the same room as you for at least the first six months for sleep, day and night*. This doesn’t mean you can’t leave the room to make a cup of tea or go to the toilet, but for most of the time when they are sleeping they are safest if you are close by.
There are no devices on the market that will substitute a parent or carer being in the same room as baby for safer sleep.*

It isn’t worth the increased risk imo. The guidelines exist for good reason and should be followed.

It's not safe, but that doesn't mean people don't do it.

No one can answer this except you! There is a risk, it is very small but obviously the worst case scenario is serious.

I used to put DC1 down for an hour before I went to bed, I think around 9pm. She is a good sleeper now at nearly 3 (to be honest I think it's all luck of the draw). We used a baby monitor, doors open and regular checks. We have a small bungalow, not sure I would've been comfortable doing it in a large house or a two storey tbh! I'm going to start it at the 3 month mark with our second child!

As for your toddler, I would do all the bedtime routine in your sitting room (dressing, bedtime story, whatever your routine is) and then leave the baby somewhere safe in the sitting room while you put the toddler into bed. That's what we do.

I think some babies are good sleepers and some are bad sleepers. I was a terrible sleeper, my sister was a wonderful sleeper and my other sister was somewhere in between. We all had no fixed routine.

I also absolutely would not risk it. I know that some people will tell you that they have done it and everything turned out fine but I personally wouldn’t risk it. If you don’t want to go up to bed at that time then turn off the TV and listen to/watch something on your phone/tablet while baby is asleep.

I honestly don't know anyone who is with their baby 100%of the time that they are asleep once they are past the newborn stage. That would be insane, I'd be trapped in a dark room for 15 hours a day. Take a few hours for yourself if you can.

I am someone who remained with their baby while they slept!

My problem is, the guidance states that they should sleep in the same room as you until 6 months.

It's not a problem. It's a requirement to help keep your baby safe. It might be inconvenient and annoying, but there it is. Safety matters more than chores.

I started putting my baby to bed upstairs (in my room) from 4 months. It is a risk but you need to weigh up the pros and cons for yourself. Around this time I started putting him down for naps in my room too during the day as he wouldn’t sleep in the living room.

Around the 3 or 4 month mark my kids slept upstairs in a cot in the evening while I was downstairs op, it's absolutely fine imo.

Personally I wouldn't leave a 3 month old to sleep alone, it's just not worth the risk I my opinion. You could either set up a sleep space downstairs, possibly screened off so it was in the same room but not so bright, or maybe go up to 'bed' but read or watch something with headphones?

Though to be honest, I think some kids are just bad sleepers no matter what you do, so even if you'd had a cast iron routine, your 2yo may still have ended up the same.

Thanks everyone, i followed the safe sleep guidelines to a T with my 2 year old. I guess its different now in a sense i have two of them to ensure are getting enough rest.

Something I am going to have to decide! Really appreciate all of your input!

I had baby's bedtime after toddler's, and then baby came along for the ride whilst I did pyjamas, teeth, toilet for the two year old, sometimes in a sling, sometimes in the bouncer, sometimes on a play mat. I generally used to feed baby whilst doing stories, baby on one side, toddler on the other. Toddler kiss, cuddle, night-night, love you, and then go and get baby down. As they got slightly older, I did pyjamas, teeth, toilet/nappy together, but kept actually putting baby down for second.

We used the pram carrycot for our downstairs sleep space, and it had a 'snooze shade', so we could put that down to make baby's space a bit darker.

This is the honest answer I think. We kept our little lady napping on us or in her swing with us until 6 months but I fucking hated how we all had to tiptoe around it! But I personally felt compelled to do it. My sister and my friend both started to put theirs upstairs with video monitor from 4 months because they were sick of the constant wake ups when the baby was with them in the lounge. Keeping her down with us meant frequent wakes, lots of paranoia about wakes, and a strong feeding to sleep association, but gave us peace of mind. I know others who kept their little one with them until 6 months who would do stuff like watching tv with subtitles instead of sound etc. Another one of my pals went up at same time as baby for the last 2 months of it and watched stuff on her phone.

It is the very opposite of fine - read up as to why.

I put all mine to bed at 7pm and used a baby monitor. At the end of the day you could be fast asleep beside baby and they could have issues breathing. I don’t think you can stay awake 24/7 watching a baby. If you aren’t happy doing this then make a quiet dark area downstairs and put baby to bed there. Then carry baby upstairs at your bedtime….hopefully without waking them.

even with a routine and putting them down upstairs some just aren’t generate sleepers!

It’s not about you watching baby it’s about them being able to hear you.

Hi OP. Congratulations. Is there anyone who could be in the room with baby whilst you get on with other bits? In the evenings I used to settle my baby in the front room with my partner and then get all my bits done. When I went to bed, I’ll bring baby with me. The 6 months is significant to help regulate babies breathing, my son had something called periodic breathing. I’m not sure how common it is but it understandably made me far more aware of the potential risks of solo sleeping too early.

I got mine ready for bed together from the get go. Baby 2 I would feed to sleep sitting snuggled with toddler in my bed reading stories together quietly. When baby was asleep, I'd put in the next2me to with white noise playing and take toddler into their bed. Then I'd go back and retrieve the baby, still sleeping, and plonk them in the pram bassinet downstairs in the living room with me. I had to lights on low and TV quiet, baby in pram out of direct TV semi shielded by the sofa, in the same room as me. Took them up with me when I went to bed.

At 6months I started leaving baby in the next2me with the monitor on, instead of retrieving them.to bring downstairs.

Congratulations on your baby 🫶

I just used to have baby in a moses basket in the lounge and watch tv in the evening. If they woke I would feed back to sleep and plop back in the basket or me or DH would just cuddle on the sofa.

Blimey @ChaosAndCuddlesAndTeacups how did you manage to get your baby to sleep through two transfers? Much respect for that, amazing!! Mine has eyes wide open as soon as he’s put down in the N2Me!!

With some very delicate placement, white noise witchcraft, and booting the toddler out the room first 😆

And to be fair the second transfer I usually timed it for when baby starting stirring for a feed

Me too, I could never have dared as mine didn't EVER survive the transfer without waking! !