Anyone still EBFing and co-sleeping at 4 months? How do your days look?

[Shalley]

No one in my antenatal classes or any of the other local mums I’ve met are still EBFing and co-sleeping at 4 months. So when they talk about how much their baby is sleeping through the night etc I don’t feel like I can compare like for like. We are also the only family I know who isn’t putting DS in his own room (I mean he co-sleeps anyway!), and some families are also using Sleepyheads etc which we won’t do. So I just don’t have anyone to speak to about what’s ’normal.’

DS is just about to turn four months. He co-sleeps as he - at first - screamed whenever he was put down, and now simply wakes instantly if we try to do so.

Therefore, he naps on us throughout the day and evening. We aim to go up to bed at around 10ish; by the time DS nods off it’s about 11:30.

His first sleep stretch is about 3 hours. Then next one is about 2 hours then the one after that will be about 1.5 hours. With maybe some light dozing after that. It’s all very approximate. Feeding is straightforward as we’re lying down.

I just wondered how this compared to others in the same boat?

Hi, my babies are older now (3 and 2) but we did this with both and what you're describing was completely typical at that point. Don't pay too much attention to the parenting noise and just do what works for you. Many babies in their own cot will still need night feeds at that age, and much older. Some co-sleeping babies sleep through and don't have night feeds. They're all different!
It's hard not to compare when the people around you do things differently. 4 months is still very very young and things change fast.
With both of mine they were around 6 months when we started 'putting them down' upstairs earlier in the evening. So I would feed them to sleep in bed, then keep the monitor on from 8-10pm while I was downstairs, then I'd go up and co-sleep as usual. The stretches got longer and once they seemed to be sleeping longer we moved them to their own rooms. Then, I'd put them down and they would do a bigger stretch until waking for a feed and I'd bring them back in with me. Slowly this got longer until they were sleeping through. They both slept through in their own room before 1yo and are great sleepers now. It was all very gradual!

Also your phrase ' I don’t feel like I can compare like for like' - you don't need to! Don't worry about anyone else and do your thing!

I co slept and ebf all three of my children for two years each. At first I questioned it as everyone else "seemed" to be sleeping through the night, the milk portions so precisely measured and parents in separate rooms from baby. I got so much more sleep if I co slept and latched baby on when needed, it was so cuddly and felt so natural. Much nicer than baby waking up and screaming as mummy wasn't there, then having to go and soothe, then feed, then unlatch, then put back in crib, then tip toe back to bed.... only to repeat it 30 mins later. Follow your instincts, and do what gets you the most rest. Research safe co sleeping methods. You'll be fine and your baby will grow so fast and you'll get so many snuggles!

It is however utterly relentless when they're ill or growth spurts, so be kind to yourself. Wear the pjs, watch the netflix and cancel the plans on crazy days; deserve the rest.

We’re 6 months in as of next week and also EBF. He’s had a few bottles here and there but he’s not keen on formula.
We have also coslept since day 1 due to him also not settling by himself! It’s exhausting. I remind myself it’s not forever though. My first two were formula fed and pretty much sleeping through the night by now whereas we are still on multiple wakes.
You are not alone!! Xx

@Shalley my baby is a slightly younger but she is EBF and we co sleep most nights. Obviously every baby is different but we are similar to you. We go to bed about 10ish and DD tends to go down before 11, she will sleep 3/4 hours for her first stretch, I don't always feed her at this point, sometimes shushing and a cuddle will settle her, if she doesn't settle within 5 mins then I will offer her milk. She will usually sleep til about 5.30/6 then

I'm the only one in my regular mum coffee group that gave up on co-sleeping!

What i would say is that by 4 months mine needed a much earlier bed time. So he would do a really good stretch of sleep 7pm -2 am. Putting him down later makes no difference. I read that their melatonin is higher in the evenings so you have a better chance for a good stretch at that time.

I have a 5.5 month old and we are also co sleeping, EBF and contact napping! we also seem to be the only people in our antenatal class doing this…
I can’t get him to sleep in his cot at all for any naps, he seems to wake up before I even try to put him down (how does he know?!). For his first sleep on an evening I put him into the cot around 7/7.30pmmand he will do somewhere between 20-90 mins in there before waking up and then I bring him in with me. He’s then generally awake every 2 hours until 1am and then it’s more like every hour or more frequently! It’s so exhausting.

i was hoping he might start extending the first stretch at night in the cot but he really isn’t…. Would also love to hear more gradual transitions from co sleeping to independently sleeping through. I dont want to force it and definitely don’t want to sleep train!

Thank you all sooo much for posting, each one has made me feel a little less alone!

I do find it incredible that without exception, the other mums I know are putting their babies down for naps (and in a couple of cases, down in the evening), in their own rooms, or in the bedroom. So say the baby is having a midday nap, they’re putting the baby down in the bedroom then just watching them on the monitor. All the babies are four months or under and it’s not something I can get my head round - but again it’s yet another point of difference between me and them.

I feel so reassured knowing that we are doing okay! ☺️

How’s it going @Pheebs1507? 😊

Hi OP, just wanted to say we are also EBF, contact napping and cosleeping here - DC is almost 5mo and it’s working really well for us!

I don’t know anyone else doing the same, but for me it’s been really relaxing (after a truly terrible first few months BF) and I can’t imagine dealing with failed cot transfers, tracking apps, sleep training, and so on - all sounds super stressful from what I hear from NCT friends.

I have no idea how often DC wakes to feed at night as I don’t track it, and I sleep really well. Cosleeping and BF while lying down were totally gamechanging for me very early on!

Hope everything still going well for you!

I did this and each time and until one/two years. All went fine. No one else I knew did BF and cosleeping. I found that my kids slept independently and also really well from 2years and that conversely good sleeping stopped for my friends kids, that had used the cot from birth, around 2years. You’ll putting the hours in but it will pay off as your child will sleep well later . They will have made a strong attachment. I carried my smallest in my arms and a sling and breastfed as I looked after my other kids. It all worked well. I found that my kids were adaptable and used to being out at any moment. I could do all my tasks without being tied to naps. My kids had no naps in a cot.

OP how are things for you now? I'm in the same position you were in. My little one has just turned 4 months. I EBF, on the boob as he won't take bottles or pacifiers and have always co slept, contact naps during the day.

It's always worked for me but I find it's incredibly hard and demanding at times. He used to go down to sleep really well for his first stretch of sleep, sometimes up to 4/5 hours. Now I'm lucky if he lasts an hour. Then he's up every 1.5 - 2 hours all night without fail.

He's also getting harder to settle for contact naps, it's like, he wants to be held but at the same time he doesn't and seems he can't get comfy. But I try and transfer him to sleep independently and he will just wake up.

He's learning a lot of new skills, he's grabbing his feet, got so much better at tummy time, makes all kinds of noises and has started to roll around. Could this just be a temporary patch while his brain is developing so much?

Any answers or advice welcome, from one EXHAUSTED mumma.

@AmberAnastasia my DS was like yours at 4 months and it's why we sleep trained. Rocking, swaying and cosleeping were not working anymore, he was finding it really stimulating. Naps were really hard work and very short too.

One night we decided we have to just put him down. Awake, he started crying. We went in to do regular check ins every 2,3,5 and 10 minutes and he was fast asleep after 25 minutes! The night after that he cried for 5 minutes. And then pretty much never again. He does moan (not cry) for a few minutes sometimes if he's overtired. He's 9 months now.

We also gently night weaned him so we were down to one feed a night by 6 months (which he still has not dropped).