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Feeling like a failure. 6 month olds nightfeeds

17 replies

Feetupkettleon · 08/01/2025 21:01

I'm a sole parent to a (just turned) 6 month old DD. DD breastfeeds several times a night (up to 8 times) and I'm exhausted. Would very much appreciate any advice on how to stop the night feeds. I've tried but DD gets hysterical and I just can't bare her being that upset when I know can comfort her ... She has never fallen asleep without breastfeeding. Please be kind I have PND and I'm feeling like such a lousy parent for not being able to settle her without feeding. Also, apologies for my poor English.

OP posts:
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SarcasticMrsKnowItAll · 08/01/2025 21:24

I was in your shoes when my DD was 6 months, it was awful and mentally and physically i was on my knees. My heart goes out to you especially as a sole parent, its so hard but this is not your fault, you're not lousy, its what some babies do and you're a great mum.
I got a book by Lucy Wolfe called the baby sleep solution which was about slowly and gradually weaning off night feeding and soothing baby back to sleep a different way. Took me a while to get the courage and mental strength to do it, but it really worked. Night waking went down to about 2 a night which was really manageable.
Please reach out to health visitor or GP if you are struggling with PND, you shouldn't suffer alone.

SpringTime2023 · 08/01/2025 21:25

You're not a lousy parent for being responsive to your child. It's actually the opposite. It's extremely common and normal for night feeds to continue at that age...But if you wanted to make some gentle sleep changes then this Instagram account might be helpful. But remember, your value as a parent has NOTHING to do with how your baby sleeps x

Post edited by MNHQ

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cr3ksuHIaaR?igsh=a2gydzg5Nm5rc2E3

Moomin37 · 08/01/2025 21:34

@SpringTime2023 has put it perfectly! My BF daughter was the same at that age. You have done nothing 'wrong' and your daughter doesn't need 'fixing' or 'training'. Be kind to yourself, take each day as it comes and reach out for support.

Noodlesnotstrudels · 08/01/2025 21:40

SpringTime2023 · 08/01/2025 21:25

You're not a lousy parent for being responsive to your child. It's actually the opposite. It's extremely common and normal for night feeds to continue at that age...But if you wanted to make some gentle sleep changes then this Instagram account might be helpful. But remember, your value as a parent has NOTHING to do with how your baby sleeps x

Post edited by MNHQ

When I clicked on that link, I think it showed me your name IRL so you might want to report your post to MN and ask them to remove.

Somanymumquestions · 08/01/2025 21:40

This sounds rough OP, hoping you can get some advise to help. 💐Sleep really does help with PND in my own experience, which is easier said than achieved.

Would you be open to giving a bottle at night, to see if that would stretch the first sleep? This didn't work on my first, as they refused bottles, but has worked a treat on my second. I use ready made formula bottles, to minimize the nighttime prep. They're expensive, but I get two nights out of one bottle. I give it around 10pm, and usually get a 4-5 hour stretch after. I would prefer to EBF, but pumping is a lot of work and I needed to prioritize my mental health this time.

Other things that worked (a little) with my first DC (who was a frequent waker):

  • outside first thing in the morning to set they're circadian rhythm with sunlight
  • outside as much as possible tbh
  • feeding them as much as possible during the day, to get the calories in before night time. Don't think this worked too much for mine, as they just got extra roly poly 😅
  • waking them up at a consistent time in the morning, to book-end the day
  • consistent bedtime routine & time
  • sleep sack & sound machine
  • sticking to wake windows pretty religiously, and aiming for one sleep in the crib a day if possible. Even if it was 10 minutes I took it as a win.
  • trying to make the biggest nap the one in the middle of the day. Took a lot of contact napping / feeding to make it happen
  • co-sleeping using the safe sleep 7 guidelines
  • this didn't work for us as mine hated being spoon fed, but baby cereal before bed is meant to be great for sleep too
  • FYI it took 1-3 weeks after implementing any change to see a difference, so consistency is definitely key.

Just to add, 6 months is a particularly tough age I found. They're so alert, and processing everything, which massively impacts nighttime sleep. Plus, they're getting used to solids, and teething too. Every breast fed baby I know feeds to sleep, so you're definitely not doing anything wrong. It's a natural way to soothe them, and often the fastest way.

At this age, my first was up every hour. They're now fast asleep in their own room for the night. This was a very gradual achievement, but I promise this sleep deprivation won't last forever. ❤️

Frequent night wakes are so hard with PND, as it's hard to stay positive in the middle of the night when you know there's more wakes ahead of you. I found journalling on the notes app on my phone helped a little, instead of doom scrolling. Or downloading a trashy romance on my kindle app - anything to make it easier to stay awake and not catastrophise. Plus therapy obviously.

Hope things get better for you!

JosieB68 · 08/01/2025 21:44

You’re not a failure at all! The fact you’ve posted here already means you care.
breastfeeding is bloody hard work and doing it while sole parenting is even harder.
My daughter was the same at that age and honestly just time progressing was what made her feed less. Sorry I don’t have bundles of advice but know that you are a great mum ❤️

SpringTime2023 · 08/01/2025 21:45

Noodlesnotstrudels · 08/01/2025 21:40

When I clicked on that link, I think it showed me your name IRL so you might want to report your post to MN and ask them to remove.

Thank you :) I've reported it but pasted the original note without the link below.

You're not a lousy parent for being responsive to your child. It's actually the opposite. It's extremely common and normal for night feeds to continue at that age...But if you wanted to make some gentle sleep changes then this Instagram account might be helpful - called careitoutsleepconsultant. But remember, your value as a parent has NOTHING to do with how your baby sleeps x

Sherrystrull · 08/01/2025 21:49

I was you. 12 years ago. 6 months was the lowest point for sleeping and bf over night. I honestly think ds fed every 45 mins.

Go with it. It doesn't last forever. When weaning increased and bf started to decrease it became easier and now it's a very distant memory!

You're doing awesomely!

user3827 · 08/01/2025 21:59

Yes it's super hard! It gradually tapers but i still did night feeds until dc was 2! Lower your expectations and sleep when you can

user3827 · 08/01/2025 22:00

I always fed to sleep also, i didn't fight it

Feetupkettleon · 10/01/2025 18:47

SarcasticMrsKnowItAll · 08/01/2025 21:24

I was in your shoes when my DD was 6 months, it was awful and mentally and physically i was on my knees. My heart goes out to you especially as a sole parent, its so hard but this is not your fault, you're not lousy, its what some babies do and you're a great mum.
I got a book by Lucy Wolfe called the baby sleep solution which was about slowly and gradually weaning off night feeding and soothing baby back to sleep a different way. Took me a while to get the courage and mental strength to do it, but it really worked. Night waking went down to about 2 a night which was really manageable.
Please reach out to health visitor or GP if you are struggling with PND, you shouldn't suffer alone.

Thank you SO much for your kind reply. I so appreciate your kind words. It made me feel a bit better about the whole situation and less self critical.Will try and get hold of the book you recommended. Thanks again💛.

OP posts:
Feetupkettleon · 10/01/2025 18:48

I'm so very grateful to all of you who have replied. Thank you so much for your kind words, encouragement and advice. Feel less alone now! DD slept well for the first time in months last night so I very much hope that will continue to be the case.

OP posts:
Feetupkettleon · 10/01/2025 18:54

SpringTime2023 · 08/01/2025 21:25

You're not a lousy parent for being responsive to your child. It's actually the opposite. It's extremely common and normal for night feeds to continue at that age...But if you wanted to make some gentle sleep changes then this Instagram account might be helpful. But remember, your value as a parent has NOTHING to do with how your baby sleeps x

Post edited by MNHQ

Thank you! That Instagram account was very helpful. It's also nice to hear that I haven't done anything wrong by breastfeeding on demand.

OP posts:
Feetupkettleon · 10/01/2025 18:59

Somanymumquestions · 08/01/2025 21:40

This sounds rough OP, hoping you can get some advise to help. 💐Sleep really does help with PND in my own experience, which is easier said than achieved.

Would you be open to giving a bottle at night, to see if that would stretch the first sleep? This didn't work on my first, as they refused bottles, but has worked a treat on my second. I use ready made formula bottles, to minimize the nighttime prep. They're expensive, but I get two nights out of one bottle. I give it around 10pm, and usually get a 4-5 hour stretch after. I would prefer to EBF, but pumping is a lot of work and I needed to prioritize my mental health this time.

Other things that worked (a little) with my first DC (who was a frequent waker):

  • outside first thing in the morning to set they're circadian rhythm with sunlight
  • outside as much as possible tbh
  • feeding them as much as possible during the day, to get the calories in before night time. Don't think this worked too much for mine, as they just got extra roly poly 😅
  • waking them up at a consistent time in the morning, to book-end the day
  • consistent bedtime routine & time
  • sleep sack & sound machine
  • sticking to wake windows pretty religiously, and aiming for one sleep in the crib a day if possible. Even if it was 10 minutes I took it as a win.
  • trying to make the biggest nap the one in the middle of the day. Took a lot of contact napping / feeding to make it happen
  • co-sleeping using the safe sleep 7 guidelines
  • this didn't work for us as mine hated being spoon fed, but baby cereal before bed is meant to be great for sleep too
  • FYI it took 1-3 weeks after implementing any change to see a difference, so consistency is definitely key.

Just to add, 6 months is a particularly tough age I found. They're so alert, and processing everything, which massively impacts nighttime sleep. Plus, they're getting used to solids, and teething too. Every breast fed baby I know feeds to sleep, so you're definitely not doing anything wrong. It's a natural way to soothe them, and often the fastest way.

At this age, my first was up every hour. They're now fast asleep in their own room for the night. This was a very gradual achievement, but I promise this sleep deprivation won't last forever. ❤️

Frequent night wakes are so hard with PND, as it's hard to stay positive in the middle of the night when you know there's more wakes ahead of you. I found journalling on the notes app on my phone helped a little, instead of doom scrolling. Or downloading a trashy romance on my kindle app - anything to make it easier to stay awake and not catastrophise. Plus therapy obviously.

Hope things get better for you!

Thank you SO much for sharing what worked with your DC and for taking the time to write such a detailed reply💛. Having those bulletpoints is brilliant since I'm so tired that I'm finding it hard to absorb new info🙂. Will remember the importance of consistency as well.

OP posts:
Feetupkettleon · 10/01/2025 19:01

Moomin37 · 08/01/2025 21:34

@SpringTime2023 has put it perfectly! My BF daughter was the same at that age. You have done nothing 'wrong' and your daughter doesn't need 'fixing' or 'training'. Be kind to yourself, take each day as it comes and reach out for support.

Thank you! Really appreciate your kindness. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one.

OP posts:
Feetupkettleon · 10/01/2025 19:03

JosieB68 · 08/01/2025 21:44

You’re not a failure at all! The fact you’ve posted here already means you care.
breastfeeding is bloody hard work and doing it while sole parenting is even harder.
My daughter was the same at that age and honestly just time progressing was what made her feed less. Sorry I don’t have bundles of advice but know that you are a great mum ❤️

Thank you so much. Reading that made me feel better💛

OP posts:
Feetupkettleon · 10/01/2025 19:04

Sherrystrull · 08/01/2025 21:49

I was you. 12 years ago. 6 months was the lowest point for sleeping and bf over night. I honestly think ds fed every 45 mins.

Go with it. It doesn't last forever. When weaning increased and bf started to decrease it became easier and now it's a very distant memory!

You're doing awesomely!

Thank you💛 I'm sorry it was so tough for you aswell but it's so reassuring the hear that it WILL pass.

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