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Original poster

Took away DS dummy and now he won't go to sleep

34 replies

IntergalacticP · 02/01/2025 16:29

Hello,

We took away DS's (turned 2 31st October) dummy this week. We did a build up to it, explained that they were going to go to little babies who needed them, bought a book to read about it etc.

We are on day 4 and he point blank refuses to lie down and close his eyes.

I'm so close to caving and just giving them back because it's taking so much longer to get him to go to sleep at bedtime and he hasn't had a nap at all (would usually sleep 1-2.30ish).

He isn't crying for the dummies and if we stay in the room with him he will just chat and laugh and sing. If we leave he stands and screams bloody murder.

Any tips please before I crack and give up? Thank you

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 02/01/2025 16:31

Was it affecting his teeth? If not I’d give it back. Sleep is precious! Try again in 6 months.

Upstartled · 02/01/2025 16:31

Just give him it back and try again in six months.

coverp · 02/01/2025 16:32

Wait until he gets a cold and take it away then - he won't be able to use it with a blocked nose anyway

Original poster
IntergalacticP · 02/01/2025 16:34

TwilightSkies · 02/01/2025 16:31

Was it affecting his teeth? If not I’d give it back. Sleep is precious! Try again in 6 months.

Dentist said to try and get rid before 2. He got all his teeth on the early side of normal so has had teeth and a dummy for a long time compared to some kids

OP posts:
Original poster
IntergalacticP · 02/01/2025 16:36

Upstartled · 02/01/2025 16:31

Just give him it back and try again in six months.

Sorry should have said. DS2 will be here in about 12 weeks so we were hoping to deal with it before he comes as we know fine well neither of us will want to deal with it in addition to a newborn and that then means DS1 getting nearer and nearer to 3 still with a dummy

OP posts:
Upstartled · 02/01/2025 16:36

Have you tried giving him it to fall asleep and then easing it out when he's fast asleep?

verycloakanddaggers · 02/01/2025 16:38

Give it a bit more time, four days is a short trial. He's not upset so you can keep trying.

The dentist is correct, so worth a try.

Plus the next baby coming.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 02/01/2025 16:39

You’ve done 4 days - don’t give it back or you will have wasted those 4 days!! Just keep going , you may need to create a new sleep routine though- eek sorry

Original poster
IntergalacticP · 02/01/2025 16:43

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 02/01/2025 16:39

You’ve done 4 days - don’t give it back or you will have wasted those 4 days!! Just keep going , you may need to create a new sleep routine though- eek sorry

Any ideas what to try? We literally used to just give him the dummy and he would lie down and go to sleep so completely clueless about what to try!

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 02/01/2025 16:46

Neither of mine napped at that age anyway . Now you’ve done 4 days I’d persevere , he will improve and it will only get more difficult to get rid as he gets older .

MangshorJhol · 02/01/2025 17:04

He will need to find something to soothe himself, whether it’s singing to himself or just letting his thoughts drift. Think of how hard it is for adults to just switch off. I would stay by him and maybe pat him a bit. Not constantly, just a little and say shh. That’s what we did at this age. And then over time you can reduce the duration and frequency of the patting.

Jabtastic · 02/01/2025 17:13

Our now teen kept their dummy until age 4 then willingly gave it up. Perfectly good teeth, and a happy healthy child. You really don't need to force this.

PokerFriedDips · 02/01/2025 17:18

Can you get him to suck his thumb? He gets the same comfort but generally the thumb will come out of his mouth once he's asleep so much better for teeth. And if he needs to suck for comfort in the day he'll get distracted and start using his hands as soon as he doesn't need the comfort any more.

CremeEggThief · 02/01/2025 17:22

Well you obviously need to give it more time. 4 days is not long at all to break or instil a new habit.

I wouldn't recommend getting him to suck his thumb instead at this age, as that is usually worse for your teeth and a much harder habit to break. My DS couldn't stop sucking our thumbs until we were pre-teens and our teeth aren't great either!

HPandthelastwish · 02/01/2025 17:24

Honestly I wouldn't have done it over Christmas, there is far too much going on already. But if he isn't asking for it but gets upset when you leave get a chair in his bedroom. Read his bedtime story from it, put an audio book on for him to listen to and then get comfortable with headphones and an iPad or kindle etc and sit with him whilst he goes to sleep.

It takes 30 days to break or instill a new habit properly

ShineyMoonChild · 02/01/2025 17:31

Don't cave it's so bad for their teeth and you'll just be faced with the same all over again. You would just be delaying the inevitable.

I would do your usual bedtime routine then say goodnight, you might want to stroke his back for 2 mins to soothe him then leave the room. If he screams let him scream for 1 minute and time it. Then come back and soothe him but minimal talking and eye contact. Then leave again, if he cries leave him for 2 minutes. Then go back and soother him, give a short hug and maybe stroke his back but keep it very short. Then if he screams leave him to scream for 3 minutes. Then go back and soothe him. Then if he screams again ( which I highly doubt) but go back after 5 minutes.

This is what I did with mine and it worked after two nights of doing this and they would fall asleep after the second round of me soothing them.

It is extremely hard to hear them scream but it will be worth it as you are teaching him to self soothe which is absolutely a life skill which is needed.

Good luck.

Lavender14 · 02/01/2025 17:32

We've just done the same so following along!!

frecklejuice · 02/01/2025 17:33

Give it back! My dd had hers for sleeping until she was 4.5, if he was sucking his thumb what would you do then?!

frecklejuice · 02/01/2025 17:34

Also dd has zero problems with teeth.

SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 02/01/2025 19:06

If you want to keep on without it, do the supernanny thing. Keep putting him lying down every time he sits or gets up. Keep saying bed time, night night, sleep now etc. He will soon learn that it is time to stay put until he sleeps. You have changed the sleep association, so he needs to develop a new one.

BobbyDazzler11 · 04/01/2025 06:23

If it's just for sleep and not hanging out the mouth all day, I'd give it back and try again later!

useitorlose · 04/01/2025 06:26

I did this to DD, who is now 25! It went, she screamed for an hour the first night, for 10 mins the second night, and then she was ok with not having it. I threw them all out so I couldn't cave in. She was 2 on 3 Oct and we did it at Christmas. Persist and you will most likely find that he adapts quickly and manages without it.

Lots of good advice here about soothing but not pandering to him.

LegoHouse274 · 04/01/2025 06:38

IntergalacticP · 02/01/2025 16:36

Sorry should have said. DS2 will be here in about 12 weeks so we were hoping to deal with it before he comes as we know fine well neither of us will want to deal with it in addition to a newborn and that then means DS1 getting nearer and nearer to 3 still with a dummy

Show quote history

I was in this situation and I still would suggest giving it back tbh.

We didn't take our DC1's away until she was 3.5, and we had a 2 month old at the time. It was fine tbh. DC1 was old enough to understand better, we did it Xmas eve, left it out for Santa to take to give to new babies and swap for 'big kid xmas presents'. They went to bed happily, also no longer napped anyway apart from odd cat naps in the car sometimes. Night 2 there were tears at bed time and a couple of short lived times in the night, night 3 same but less, night 4 back to sleeping soundly no issue and stopped asking for them. Our dentist told us they weren't concerned about dummies unless usage continues to much older ages of 4+ or if the dummy is being used heavily i.e not just for sleep. DC1 is 6 now and has a few adult teeth now and never any dental problems so far.

Bobbie12345 · 04/01/2025 06:40

I would try to find something soothing that he likes and then hold firm that you don’t do it until he lies down. Calmly keep repeating, ‘lie down and we will do……’.
I am thinking a favourite song, read for a few minutes, or one of the night time glow lights.
We loved these lights. I would get the kids to lie down, then turn it on, I had it facing a different way each night so we would spend a minutes finding where the mooon was on the ceiling.

www.amazon.ca/Cloud-Twilight-Turtle-Constellation-Nightlight/dp/B007SJ6HBW/ref=asc_df_B007SJ6HBW/?tag=googlemobshop-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=706841537651&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6812366820478076623&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1001925&hvtargid=pla-435329727829&psc=1&mcid=52e5e94cbf1a34f5be7eb3f8c96df222&gad_source=1&th=1

LegoHouse274 · 04/01/2025 06:40

Oh I should have said too, your DC1 is very likely to have disturbed sleep for some time after your DC2 is born. We had this both times with new babies and our kids were 3 both times. Basically everyone I know had their kids start to wake at night for awhile etc after a new baby was born if they were like 7 or under. So keeping the dummy could be a lifesaver for that too. As chances are you will have the toddler night waking for awhile anyway but it might also now be harder to settle them.