13mo sleep struggles. Currently 8mo pregnant with 2nd.

[Lkjh098]

Hi,

I have a 13mo who goes through phases wrt sleep. There have been weeks where I csn stick her in her cot with a bottle when she's tired and she'll fall asleep herself within 5-10mins. She spent the first 10mos being held to sleep (something I decided I would continue to do until she no longer needed it), but now seems to have regressed to this when my 2nd baby is nearly due!

I cannot get her on a schedule st all. Most days she wakes up at 10am. She's down go 1 nap a day usually around 3pm for 1-3 hrs. If we're going out around lunch time, she'll have 2 short (~1hr) naps around 1pm and 4pm. She'll stay awake until around 9-10pm when she'll start showing sleepy cues. At the point we'd start her bedtime routine (just cuddling, changing her, sleep bag, then taking her upstairs). We have a red light in her room we've always used and keep on during the entire night. White noise never helped so we don't use that. This is the struggle. It will take 3 or attempts and 2 or 3 hrs to get her down. This involves numerous bottles of milk (which I'm trying to cut down! She's down to 1 during the day but has numerous at night). Tonight she slept at 10.30pm (but was up at 8am), yesterday she was up at 12pm and slept at 11.30pm. The day before I struggled with her until 2am.

She's always struggled with sleep, but we go through good patches which make me think the worse is over, then regress again. I'm so exhausted. And anxious about having managing a new born at the same time.

Please send help (or advice ot guidance!). Sorry for the typos and appalling grammar. Thank you!

Oh OP I feel your pain.
My DD is 23 months & a nightmare at bedtime.
I feel like she did the 4 month sleep regression... and never got back to 'normal'.
Only in the past few months, I'd put her in cot , say goodnight & she'd actually fall asleep... a MIRACLE!
However, 2 months ago she figured out how to throw herself from cot (not climb, actually FLINGS herself from the cot) so I had to move her to the double bed in her room. She's then fall asleep in that no problem & wouldn't fall out.
Then in the past few weeks, as soon as I put her in, she's jumping from the bed, screaming blue murder, jumping all over the place. It's a bloody nightmare.
For the past week, I've been leaving her to cry for 1 min, go into her, then 2 mins and so on.
The last few nights I'm now down to just 2 mins of screaming and then I rub her back & she falls asleep.
I genuinely don't know why she is like this. I have 2 sons who were bad sleepers until they were 2, but nothing like this.

For you, I would recommend trying to get her up earlier. Over next week, up at 9am, then 2nd week at 8am.
This will bring naps earlier and also bedtimes earlier. If you just wake her tomorrow at 8am, she'll be like a bag of cats, it needs to be gradual.
Also you and DP need to discuss who is looking after her bedtime. In a few weeks, you will have a little one taking up your time so might be best if DP looks after bedtime and gets into a consistent routine?
When you say it takes 2-3 hrs to get her asleep, is she crying or what's happening that it's taking her so long to settle?

I’d try waking her up at a set time every day. Typically for kids that age I’d suggest one long nap around 12pm, though I’m guessing some might still need a later short one too, in your situation I’d aim for one big one though.

So something like
7am - up & breakfast
11.30am - lunch
12-1.30/2pm - nap
6pm - bathtime
7pm - bedtime

It’s not going to work for every child but it’s the routine a lot of nurseries set so it must work for many.

Also no guarantee it will make her sleep through the night (my youngest still doesn’t and has a great routine and can self settle!) BUT it gives you some structure and will hopefully take away the bedtime battles. It also gives you some time of an evening which you will no doubt need with the new born once cluster feeding etc kicks in