Mothers who are deep sleepers: what do you do?

[OptimisticRealist2024]

Hi - I'm in my second trimester (ftm) and have a "what if" question that I thought I'd ask here.

I've been told most babies are okay to go into their own room at about 6-9 months, but I'm a heavy sleeper. My husband works shifts so I'll be the one doing the nights.

I'm praying that when they're very little and in our room that I'll be on a much higher alert, which is what everyone's told me - I'll be awake at every sniffle, my milk will come in and instinct will wake me up.

How do you cope if baby's in a different room and you're a heavier sleeper? Do you use a specific monitor/app? Do you just decide not to chance it so share the room anyway?

(I won't be co-sleeping, so please don't suggest this!)

TIA!

We use a monitor. Although my husband wakes a bit more quickly than me if she cries, its only a matter of seconds more quickly - I've never, ever not woken up when she cries. We have an audio monitor and a separate pet camera which works through our WiFi and links to our phones, it was cheaper to buy these two than one monitor that does video and audio! So when we hear her on the monitor, if she's just grizzling, we check the camera app to see what she's doing and sometimes it doesn't turn into a full wakeup. If she's properly crying, we either go straight in to settle her or check the camera depending upon how bad the crying is, as sometimes after 20 seconds or so, she stops and is back to sleep again. I think it is pretty standard these days to use a monitor once they move into their own room.

Had baby in with me til 12 months the first time and 9 months second baby. Just at the end of my bed. I slept better knowing I wouldn’t miss them crying.

also heavy sleepers will probably become lighter sleepers after giving birth, it’s natures way of making you a more responsive mother

Just to add - ours went into her own room at 6 months old. And until then, while they are in with you, believe me they will wake you when they need you! You don't have to jump at every sniffle, you just need to wake when they actually need you, and you will when they are in the room and you will with a monitor next to your head on your bedside table once they are in their own room.

I think it’s common for the days of being a ‘deep sleeper’ to be over for at least twenty years… your maternal instinct will wake you up every half hour/if a gnat farts

I'm a very deep sleeper and worried the same. However with DS (now 5) it's like a whole other dimension where I can hear him! So a neighbour bashed on the door for a solid 5 minutes a few months back (told me the following day) and I didn't hear a thing - but even if DS cries softly from the other end of the house I wake up and hear him immediately 😅

Basically this. Your instincts kick in and you wake up.

My son went into his own room across the hall from us at 8 months. His door is fully closed and ours is left open and I would wake for everything. We've never had a monitor.

Now at age 3 though I'm back to sleeping like a log. I do wake if he has a bad dream or something at night, instincts are still there. But he usually sleeps through and I don't wake in the morning until he comes wandering in and wakes us up. Glad to be through the baby stage now.

I know it sounds like an old wives' tale but it is astonishing how much your sleeping pattern changes after birth. I'd been one of those people who could sleep through anything, by the time 6 months rolled around I was desperate to move DS into his room because literally the tiniest snuffle would have me fully awake.

Part of going into their own rooms is to allow both of you to start to separate your sleep a little, so you don't get disturbed by the gnat's farts and they learn to let you know when they really need you. It all works itself out, though we used a monitor too. (So long ago there's no point me giving you a rec though.)

I would add if you're a heavy sleeper you're right to err on the side of caution and not co-sleep.

Thanks everyone, there are so many helpful (and reassuring!!) responses here. 😊

You'll change, I still wake if I hear the kids, they are in their 20's!

Don't worry, there's a special part of your brain always on alert for them! It's surprising how you adapt.

Deep sleeper here too, you do become accustomed to hearing them. However I would say you are possibly more likely to get a deep sleeping child if you are a deep sleeper. It may be nature or as they become more adept at self settling for the small wake ups.

This, exactly this. I swear I can hear my baby's eyelids open no matter how deep I'm sleeping.

Don’t worry OP. You will be so in tune with your baby OP, you will wake the minute they stir. Many congratulations, 2025 will be an exciting year for you. Best thing I ever did having my two.

Me too, they are 23 & 21!

I found my ‘mum ear’ developed as soon as I gave birth and it’s still with me 9 years later! it allows me to wake up the minute I hear movement or noise (from the other side of the house!), to pick her voice out of a din of children shouting and to know roughly where she is in the house without saying anything. It’s genuinely the weirdest thing, I slept through tiles coming off the roof during a storm but wake up if she so much as sighs 🤣

Unless you are a deep sleeper due to medication, don’t worry, you will hear your baby crying. Sometimes I wake because they’ve moved a bit in their sleep. You will be very tuned in! You can always get a baby monitor and turn it up loud just in case. Keep it next to your bed.

I definitely became a lighter sleeper when DS was born. Still the same now and he's 15.

Heavy sleeper here and baby was in his own room after a week! Don’t worry, you will wake up!

You'll hear. I was a very heavy sleeper until I had kids. My babies were in their own rooms and I could still hear them shuffling and grunting. Could never have had them in with me. I tried but couldn't sleep at all. You just change when they are born. Didn't have monitors either.

I know.... I know ... But it wasn't so unusual back then. Everyone put their babies outside to sleep too, you still heard them if they cried.

These days they are all grown up, but I still can't get to sleep until they get home, I wake every time someone goes to the loo, and I can hear spiders run across as the carpet.