Sleep deprived - 18 month old won't sleep through night

[SaltNPeppaHairBear]

Hi mums, in need desperate need of help!
We have recently transitioned our almost 18 month old to a montessori floor bed and are finding it extremely difficult to get him to sleep him through the night. Initially we couldn't even get him down, it was taking over an hour sometimes. Leaving him to get himself down not an option as he just gets up and runs out of the room! But we have a better hold of this now (I think!).

The issue is now staying asleep. He's waking up at the same time evey night and it takes hours to get him back down. As I write this (at 3am), he's been up for 3 hours already.
We've put a baby gate outside his bedroom door to stop him running to our room, and in the hope he would just get back into bed, but that hasn't been the case at all yet. He just cries until one of us go to him

He has a solid bed time routine, dinner, chill, bath, milk and bed, and has done since he was a baby. He's never been the strongest sleeper and even his naps are hit and miss.

We don't want to go back to the crib now and I'm expecting our second baby in March, so really want to get this under control before baby arrives. Any tips/tricks/recommendations are welcome.

Just to add, he stays at my mums some nights in the week and for most of those nights he sleeps through the night. He's in a crib there in the same room as her but I'm slowly trying to get her to move to her own room so he has some consistency.

We have considered a sleep nanny but we're trying to exhaust all other avenues first as they're not the cheapest option so hoping for some advice here.

TIA x

So he sleeps fine in a cot and through the nught

but he won’t stay in a bed and doesn’t sleep through the night

youre adamant that he is not to sleep in a cot

why don’t you want him sleeping in a cot and prefer him not sleeping on a floor bed?

It reads as though he gets up and you don't just go back and put him back in bed,you just have a gate to stop him getting out the room? Is that right? If so, why? Just get up and put him back in bed, settle him and leave. And repeat.

Why not have the floor bed in your room. Would he sleep through then?
At 18 months, I wouldn't put him back in a crib - mine had climbed out of a cotbed by that point, so you've got limited time with that already.

If he wants "walls" around him, would a bed guard give him the environment he is after?

Waking at 18 months isn't unusual tho. We had the mammoth night wakes about that age. I just slept with him - me dozing him awake until he dropped back to sleep.

You say you don’t want to go back to a cot but some children just arent ready for a bed at 18 months and sleep better in cots. My dd was the same, she slept well in a cot but in a bed she would just get up and run around for hours, putting her back in made no difference. She was in a cot until 2.5 then she went into a bed fine with no issues.

Was there a particular reason you moved to the bed? Was he sleeping through in the cot in his own room? He just might not be ready and actually the cot might be easier all around especially with a newborn? More containable and more sleep? My child is over two and will be keeping him in the cot for as long as we can for this reason! Probably at least another 6 months or until it becomes a problem. But appreciate if there was a specific reason/problem with the cot sleeping and you needed to try something else then maybe you just need to give it a bit more time, it's a big change for him to get used to.

The long wakes sound like split nights - we had those for a while and managed to kill them off by making her nap shorter. It took a couple of weeks. She was basically getting too much daytime sleep and therefore having a wake window in middle of night. But if he sleeps through at your mums, then i guess that means he isn't having too much daytime sleep, unless she gives him a shorter nap, or a later bedtime, or both. If none of those things apply i would just go back to the cot and try again when he's older! Mine is going to be in the cot until she hits too big for it, we are hoping to make it to 3 years old but might be too ambitious especially if she is tall. She's just turned 2 and we had the problem with split nights at 17 months so we cut her nap from 2.5 down to 1.5 hours.

Sounds like one of two things- he either needs to be in a cot or is going through a sleep regression and is having split nights. I think the former as he sleeps through mostly in a cot with your mum. Can you amend the floor bed so it’s more like a cot?

He’s 18 months old, and likely going through a sleep regression that causes split nights around that stage.

If a cot solves the problem, I’d do that. He doesn’t sound happy about the floor bed at all.

I do sympathise - my three year old doesn’t sleep through, and needs my help to get back to sleep, and we have no one else to have him any night to catch up. He’s been with me every night since birth. It is tough going. Rather than encourage your mum to change what’s working, I’d just be really grateful you get that break, if I’m honest! It’s biologically normal for toddlers to be much happier closer to you, it’s biologically normal for them to wake.

Oh no, we do go in and settle him, but we can't even leave the room because he will be up right behind us or crying before we have even left!

We're not keen on bringing the crib back as he's quite big for it already and he seems to love the bed during the day. I guess if we really had to, we'd go down that route though.

Yes exactly, that's my other concern! He doesn't climb out of the one at my mums yet, but he's not far off. So it feels a bit counter productive going back to it.

Maybe the bed guard would work.

Thanks, it's reassuring that there are other parents/children that have been through the same. Unfortunate, but reassuring!

Tbh I’d be inclined to give him to your mum for a week (hopefully she’s not far away so you could see him in the day?) and get a whole week of sleeping through the night as a routine. Ans then by the time he comes home he might be settled in sleeping a cot through the night??

It's strange because he does love the bed. he will go to it himself and lie down in it, he takes his toys in there. He doesn't show any visible signs of hating the bed except staying asleep in it!

Wanting to be close to mum makes sense and to be honest I'm happy to take those moments because I know they won't last forever. But at the moment I am always tired with being pregnant and when we bring him into our bed, he more often than not, doesn't go back to sleep for another couple of hours! Fair point re my mum, I suppose I should just let them sleep!

This feels like the next thing to try to be honest... fingers crossed.!

The main reason we moved is because we thought it would be good for him to be honest. His nursery also agreed (he's at a montessori nursery) as it fits their teaching system I guess. He was also getting quite big for the crib we have for him so we though this would be a good solution all around!

I think we will be trying to mimic a cot as the initial POA otherwise back to the crib..!

What about using a travel cot for a few weeks - so you can pack it away at some point? The low bed is probably just too open & not cosy enough?

He might be napping too long in the day? But if he sleeps at your Mums in a cot that seems to be what is working. If I was your Mum I would want to stick with what is working!

You are incredibly lucky to have so much support.