20 month old will not sleep

[Ovulationstation]

Hello, looking for some advice.

Previously, my daughter was a great sleeper before 18 months, but our holiday seemed to disrupt everything. Since then, she's been struggling with severe separation anxiety towards me, insisting on sleeping on top of me in my bed. She used to easily settle in her cot when put down awake, but for the last three months, bedtime has become a battle, with her crying uncontrollably. Our routine involves a bath, reading books, and going to bed, but lately, I end up comforting her in the cot until she falls asleep, a process that can last up to an hour, which I don't mind. However, recently, she refuses to go into her cot, screaming relentlessly until she's in my arms. Even in my bed, she wants to be on top of me, crying when I try to roll over. My DH has had to go out driving with her to see if that works, but I know she will just panic as soon as she's back in the cot.

Has anyone else experienced this before? I really don't want to let her cry it out, it's not in my nature to do it & she sounds like she's in pain when she cries it's awful. Just to add, I know she's not in pain as when I pick her up she stops crying immediately & is fine

You don’t need to leave her to cry it out.
could do your bedtime routine, put her in her cot, leave, wait 1 minute, go back in and comfort her, lie her down, leave, wait 1/2 mins, repeat. It’ll take potentially hours- but she will fall asleep eventually. Then each night it’ll get easier and easier.
She used to do it as you say, then it was comforting her in the cot, then it was on top of you, now the car. Different things to get her to sleep that she now sees as the way to do it.
If you don’t want to do the above (it’s not for everyone) could you go back to letting her sleep on you, and once she is in deep sleep, transfer her to cot? Or co-sleep? It’s biologically normal for babies to want to be close to a parent.
In my experience, there isn’t an easy magical answer. If there was, sleep deprived parents wouldn’t exist! You can make changes based on gentle sleep training, the gentle method takes longer but outcome is the same. Or you can make no changes but accept she wants to sleep with you and so that’s what you’ll have to do. She’ll sleep, you’ll sleep.
Hope this doesn’t sound too harsh- I’ve been there (twice!) and I’ve learnt you either make changes which is always hard work and can be difficult, or you go with what the baby wants which comes with its own challenges. There doesn’t seem to be a magic easy way!

@Shleepymummy no it doesn't sound harsh, I am willing to try anything really! The only reason I'm getting a bit desperate is because I'm now pregnant & I want to get her out of the habit of sleeping on top of me & in her own cot. I have tried the transferring, but she always wakes up.

I haven't actually tried the leaving and coming back, so I'll definitely give that a go! Usually when she cries I just go in & sometimes she would fall asleep after hours of me sitting there holding her hand, and more recently I've had to just get her out and bring her downstairs until we go to bed.

Another thing about co-sleeping is the bedtime routine. How does that work? I only ever do it when she wakes up and I bring her in my bed, but if she was sleeping in my bed I wouldn't feel comfortable putting her in my bed on her own (in case she rolls off etc). Just curious to see how other mums navigate that one 😊