How to teach baby to self-settle when he hates his crib

SuperTiredHelpMePlease · 2024-11-30T04:26:59+00:00

This is my first post so sorry if there’s anything wrong. My little one is nearly 9 months old. He’s never been a great sleeper but we used to get some decent stretches. Now he’s up every hour or two. I think the problem is that he relies on being either fed or rocked to sleep. The advice I’ve seen online talks about letting the baby learn to fall asleep on his own but I’ve no idea how to do this because any time he seems sleepy and I put him in his cot he screams and gets so worked up that there’s no way he will be able to settle himself. I’ve tried soothing him in the crib by patting his bum or stroking his face but that only makes it worse. I can only put him down if he’s already asleep but then I have to repeat this process multiple times throughout the night. Does anyone have any advice about how to help him fall asleep independently when he seems to be so upset by the cot? I’m not willing to leave him to cry. Please help a knackered first time mum!

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Spirallingdownwards · 30/11/2024 05:08

Do you put him down in his crib at other times? Not just for daytime naps. For example, I would out my 3 in theirs witha toy when I was getting showered or cleaning upstairs. That way they get more used to it being a "normal" place for them.

Userxyd · 30/11/2024 05:37

OP my 2 were total opposites on this- my first was just like yours - I'd spend c. 45 minutes after she was asleep trying to put her in her cot and creep out of the room without waking her. I knew every floorboard cos everything would wake her and I'd have to start again usually feeding to sleep. Tried crying it out for one night but she kept going for ages, longer than the books expected and I just couldn't do it. Had to resign myself to hours of bedtime! Put music or a podcast on in one ear to stop you getting bored.
My 2nd was amazing - I could plop him in his cot and just stroll out no problem!
Made me realise you just can't force babies into routines - or at least not without significant misery and guilt while you're doing it and I just wasn't up for making bedtime a battleground.
Same for naps during the day - I didn't force them into a routine that I had to build my day around, they just slept when they slept and I'd take them out to shops/activities when I wanted.
They both sleep like logs now!

Brightandbreezey · 30/11/2024 07:54

You can’t really teach them to “self soothe” unfortunately. It’s a skill they will acquire when they are ready and honestly that may not be for a long time. You’re not doing anything wrong supporting your baby to sleep, in fact you are providing him with the safety and reassurance he needs to become independent when he is developmentally ready.
Honestly stop reading the nonsense (which is often not science backed) and do what feels right for you and your son. I would recommend following Lynsey Hookway on instagram as she has scientific information about baby/infant sleep. Also the Nurture Revolution book is amazing for understanding how infants develop. It’s really tough… I remember my LOs sleep was pretty awful at 9 months, it does get better though x

Flittingaboutagain · 30/11/2024 07:59

Brightandbreezey · 30/11/2024 07:54

You can’t really teach them to “self soothe” unfortunately. It’s a skill they will acquire when they are ready and honestly that may not be for a long time. You’re not doing anything wrong supporting your baby to sleep, in fact you are providing him with the safety and reassurance he needs to become independent when he is developmentally ready.
Honestly stop reading the nonsense (which is often not science backed) and do what feels right for you and your son. I would recommend following Lynsey Hookway on instagram as she has scientific information about baby/infant sleep. Also the Nurture Revolution book is amazing for understanding how infants develop. It’s really tough… I remember my LOs sleep was pretty awful at 9 months, it does get better though x

Edited

This is the best advice.

You can't teach a baby not to call you for help when they wake up without damaging them. They'll do it when they're ready. It's really normal not to want to be away from you. So when they wake they want you.

I battled for over a year trying to get my first into a cot and co-sleeping with my next one was so much easier. You can side car a cot bed for a bigger baby until 2+.

teaandkittehs · 02/12/2024 19:46

We sleep trained our little one. When she's going through a developmental leap, sleep regression, teething, or illness, she wakes and calls for us. But when none of these things are happening, she self settles and sleeps through. She's certainly not damaged 😂

Original poster

SuperTiredHelpMePlease · 05/12/2024 02:28

teaandkittehs · 02/12/2024 19:46

We sleep trained our little one. When she's going through a developmental leap, sleep regression, teething, or illness, she wakes and calls for us. But when none of these things are happening, she self settles and sleeps through. She's certainly not damaged 😂

Sorry if it’s a silly question, but how exactly did you go about doing this?

OP posts:

Original poster

SuperTiredHelpMePlease · 05/12/2024 02:30

Brightandbreezey · 30/11/2024 07:54

You can’t really teach them to “self soothe” unfortunately. It’s a skill they will acquire when they are ready and honestly that may not be for a long time. You’re not doing anything wrong supporting your baby to sleep, in fact you are providing him with the safety and reassurance he needs to become independent when he is developmentally ready.
Honestly stop reading the nonsense (which is often not science backed) and do what feels right for you and your son. I would recommend following Lynsey Hookway on instagram as she has scientific information about baby/infant sleep. Also the Nurture Revolution book is amazing for understanding how infants develop. It’s really tough… I remember my LOs sleep was pretty awful at 9 months, it does get better though x

Edited

Thank you that’s helpful, finding it really hard going at the moment!

OP posts:

JRTfan · 05/12/2024 07:33

Hi my DD is 5 months and we have the same issue. We have started laying her awake in her crib at bedtime (11pm at moment we plan to make it earlier) and singing,patting, shushing she gets upset but as long as she's fed, changed and warm I've decided not to pick her up. Last night it took 45 minutes but that wasn't all crying she moaned and shouted a bit aswell and had some quiet moments where I could tell she was really tired. She then slept 3.5 hours, fed and slept another 2.5 hours not brilliant but an improvement on the hourly wake ups. Also trying to tackle day naps and try not to feed to sleep but have her in swinging chair/ pushchair and again sing/pat/shush.. mixed results so far but I do believe they need to gain that skill of self settling and I think you can help them without leaving them alone to cry. Hope this helps a bit