13 month old wont be put down, help!

[YellowBannana]

Hi,

Im a first time mum with a 13 month old. After multiple illnesses from nursery baby has gotten used to sleeping on us (literally has to be held even if lying with him). This was the only way we got some sleep. Now his illness is better he will not be put down in his cotbed. We’ve stuck with nightime routines, put him in cot to familiarise with space before hand (hes happy), but he refuses to sleep whether we sing/read to him and if we get him to sleep in our arms he will always wake as soon as hes laid down, no matter how long we hold him for.
Hes now starting to reject my husband more, he will continuously cry on him for more than a hour until I have to step in. He still doesn't make things easy for me, he genuinely finds it hard to sleep, he wriggles a lot and just cant do it. We are spending almost all night with him repeatedly trying to put him down with no luck, we are exhausted and cant keep having nights like this. Can anyone help us please?

Will he sleep next to you on your own mattress?

He doesn’t need to drop a nap does he? 13 months is a typical age for the 2->1 nap transition and it may just be coincidence that this has hit after a brutal bought of illness. I suspect that the illness has also created a bit of a sleep crutch but it might be easier to break that if you’re sure he’s not getting too much daytime sleep. Sleep training e.g. Ferber would probably sort it but it and quickly but it will involve crying and I know that isn’t for everyone. You could also embrace the cosleeping and set up a safe shared sleep space but again that isn’t for everyone.

First time using Mumsnet so not sure if im replying correctly!

I have to get him to sleep stood up then carefully lay down with him still in my arms which makes it difficult to sleep. If i remove my arms or lay him flat on the mattress he will wake and cry still. He doesnt even just snuggle up on me and just go to sleep laying down, i have to stand to work him back to sleep. I dont know if this is normal with co sleepers or whether i just have a very difficult baby :/.

Hi,

We've just had this with our 8 month old. Refusing to sleep not on one of us and crying and crying for me when on my husband. Would immediately wake up when either of us tried to put him down so he'd sleep on us all night and did for 2 months whilst recovering from several back-to-back illnesses.
When he was better It took one evening of patting him while he was on our bed to sleep and now we can put him down and he won't wake up immediately.
You're not alone, sending hugs xx

If im honest im feeling very unsure about whether he needs to drop a nap or not.

couple weeks ago he stopped napping in the morning so i tried moving his morning nap later or dropping altogether, but he was fussy but he caught another bug so it was hard to tell the reason.

Hes now been missing a lot of sleep on the night so ive found the last few days hes been enjoying napping every 2 hrs. Thats a wake time of 2 / 2.5hrs but may be longer in the afternoon as he only has two naps and doesnt sleep the same length of time each time.

so as you can see im not very confused what to do.

It’s so hard isn’t it? But if he was making moves to drop the morning nap before he was ill, and given his age, he probably is ready to ditch it. The transition can be a bit bumpy whilst and throwing illness into the mix is yet another complication. Yes it’s normal to sleep more when unwell but napping every 2 hours is newborn territory so now he’s better that will definitely be contributing to poor night sleep. Total daytime sleep should be about 2 hours at his age either as one long nap after lunch, or split between morning and afternoon if he favours short naps. And you want around 4-5 hours of awake time from the last nap to bedtime. You might still need to do some retraining to get him back in the crib but it’ll be easier if he’s properly tired and ready for bed.

Thank you.

I agree every 2 hours does sound like this is for a younger baby. That said he never slept when he was younger so hes never known nap routines until about 6 months old when we realised he was supposed to be having them and it being the reason for the crying on the night!

He went to nursery today and didnt have much day time sleep. They managed to get him to sleep in a vibrating chair in the sleep room for 20 mins in the morning and around 40 mins in the afternoon which is an improvement for sleeping at nursery. But now tonight ive not been able to get him to sleep, he seems far too awake. I tried my sleep training and although he was calm the whole time he just wont give in. My husband is trying now to get him to sleep on him and then will try and transfer him to his bed, fingers crossed this works!!!

Thank you. I still have hope! Xxx