Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Feeding 9mo to sleep?

18 replies

Advicereq · 27/11/2024 18:54

Baby is 9 months old, feeds to sleep and thinks he needs breast to sleep. He will sleep when being rocked or in car or pram but otherwise no and wakes up in the night and searches for the beast as thinks he needs it to fall back asleep. Have been trying to stop feeding to sleep but finding it impossible as he just gets worked up if he can’t get the breast. Not sure what to do, is this something he will naturally grow out of? We tried Ferber but gave up after 3 days and are not looking to do formal sleep training anymore but trying to move away from feeding to sleep and instead cuddle to sleep to help teach baby to self settle but seeming impossible so far even if I just unlatch him as he’s very drowsy. Does anyone have any advice or tips with this or it just a case of keep trying?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
sellingupslow · 27/11/2024 19:29

@Advicereq infant sleep consultant here!

If you don't want to do any sleep training (even really gentle methods) I would suggest doing just that- substituting the feeding for rocking/cuddling to bed. It's actually part of my course, I can't send over some helpful tips 😊

sellingupslow · 27/11/2024 19:30

I can send over some helpful tips sorry!

It does require you to be really consistent though

Chocolaterocketcake · 27/11/2024 19:41

I feed my 9 month old to sleep at night and for every night wake. He will sleep in car/buggy for naps. Sometimes DH can rock him to sleep for bedtime but not for night wakes.

I feed to sleep as it gets everyone as much sleep as possible.

My eldest was night weaned a year ago as I was getting towards end of pregnancy and didn’t want to be feeding 2 at night. We swapped feeds for cuddles, initially night wakes were longer as cuddles weren’t as effective as feeds. He now still wakes 1/2 times per night for a cuddle.

I guess my point is, if you swap feeding for cuddling that doesn’t necessarily mean self soothing will follow (I mean, they are self soothing in that they are seeking out comfort to soothe themselves, just so happens that you are their comfort). If the feeding is working, I would stick with that until it is no longer sustainable, don’t change anything you don’t need to change.

Yuckyyuckyuckity · 27/11/2024 19:46

We've done a sort of modified Ferber for my nearly 8 month old but I usually still feed him to sleep at night, although DH can now give him a bottle and rock him to sleep too (he previously refused the bottle). The sleep training has meant he now sleeps until 5-5.30 then wakes, I then bring him into our bed and feed him back to sleep again and he sleeps for another hour or so. I don't think there's any right or wrong answer tbh but I don't intend to stop feeding to sleep anytime soon.

3ormorecharacters · 27/11/2024 19:49

I've only just stopped feeding my two year old to sleep! He would always get so worked up if I tried any other way and I'm basically soft / lazy so would just give in. Then when he turned two a couple of weeks aho just impulsively told him that's it, he's a big boy now and the milk is gone. He accepted it pretty well (I guess being that bit older helps), the first few nights were a bit tricky as we learnt other ways to settle but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I kind of wish I'd bitten the bullet and done it earlier, but I think you get a sixth sense for when they / you are ready for these things. Id say just go with what you feel is right - if it's working for both of you at the moment then don't feel you "should" do anything differently.

Saddogowner22 · 27/11/2024 19:50

9 months is a tricky time with a lot of development going on.
Is there a particular reason you want to stop feeding to sleep?

It is biologically normal for babies and young children to feed to sleep and to need support to get back to sleep well into childhood. Some babies/children stop needing this support early and for others it can take longer. That's not to say you can't make changes to see what may help.

If you want to make changes have a look at habit stacking, Lyndsey Hookway has some great resources.

Just know you are not doing anything wrong by feeding to sleep and if it is working there is no need to change it - although I completely understand why you may want to.

I'll link Lyndsey Hookway and some other gentle/ holistic sleep consultants i have found helpful below:

https://www.instagram.com/lyndsey_hookway?igsh=ZDBucHQzNWRoMDE5

https://www.instagram.com/littlenestsleep?igsh=MXB4eWRmNWc3ZTc0bQ==

https://www.instagram.com/secondstartotheright_sleep?igsh=MW5zOTFuMGIxbDVldQ==

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/lyndsey_hookway?igsh=ZDBucHQzNWRoMDE5

Tiegs · 27/11/2024 19:56

I have a 9 month old that will only go sleep being fed this is the same for nap times he won't sleep in his buggy and hates the car seat . He used to fall asleep being rocked or patting his bum now he won't I'm not sure why it's super frustrating and tiring . Not sure what I can do .

Tiegs · 27/11/2024 19:56

sellingupslow · 27/11/2024 19:29

@Advicereq infant sleep consultant here!

If you don't want to do any sleep training (even really gentle methods) I would suggest doing just that- substituting the feeding for rocking/cuddling to bed. It's actually part of my course, I can't send over some helpful tips 😊

Can you help me

Sunshineclouds11 · 27/11/2024 19:58

My 9 month old is fed to sleep on a night time, along with night wakes.
Easiest and best way for us all to get most amount of sleep.

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 27/11/2024 20:00

My 11 month old will be rocked to sleep at beginning of night or naps, but during the night will howl until given boob. Literally howling, scratching, hitting, screeching. Main issue is he wakes every 30 - 60 min for it atm so I'm up 8-12 wake ups a night and I'm back at work 😭

Tiegs · 27/11/2024 20:04

Hi I don't have insta

Tiegs · 27/11/2024 20:07

After reading all these comments I'm glad to know I'm not the only mummy out there that is struggling with getting my little one to sleep and constantly up in the night .

sellingupslow · 27/11/2024 20:09

Tiegs · 27/11/2024 20:04

Hi I don't have insta

If you click on my website link below there's a contant form on there- send me a message on there and then I can send you a text/email :)

Thumberline · 27/11/2024 20:14

I night weaned at 14 months. We started by not feeding to sleep for the first wake up- it was the easiest for me because I wasn’t asleep yet and she was still very tired then chose from 5:30 am to stop feeding to sleep and then the ones in the middle. It worked surprisingly well and we were no longer feeding through the night in two weeks. I started adding in patting her bum and stroking her head before we dropped any feeds so these were familiar to her when I used them to soothe her without feeding.

MarigoldSpider · 27/11/2024 20:25

Saddogowner22 · 27/11/2024 19:50

9 months is a tricky time with a lot of development going on.
Is there a particular reason you want to stop feeding to sleep?

It is biologically normal for babies and young children to feed to sleep and to need support to get back to sleep well into childhood. Some babies/children stop needing this support early and for others it can take longer. That's not to say you can't make changes to see what may help.

If you want to make changes have a look at habit stacking, Lyndsey Hookway has some great resources.

Just know you are not doing anything wrong by feeding to sleep and if it is working there is no need to change it - although I completely understand why you may want to.

I'll link Lyndsey Hookway and some other gentle/ holistic sleep consultants i have found helpful below:

https://www.instagram.com/lyndsey_hookway?igsh=ZDBucHQzNWRoMDE5

https://www.instagram.com/littlenestsleep?igsh=MXB4eWRmNWc3ZTc0bQ==

https://www.instagram.com/secondstartotheright_sleep?igsh=MW5zOTFuMGIxbDVldQ==

This is such a great response.

Why can’t you carry on feeding baby to sleep? He will naturally grow out of it.

When he’s a bit older there might be times when he’s more receptive to moving away from feeding to sleep. It sounds like for now this is exactly what he needs.

Advicereq · 27/11/2024 20:26

Thanks for the responses. I know it’s biologically normal but I’m guess I’m just concerned at how long it will go on for. The main issue is that he cannot link sleep cycles so wakes up every 30 mins or so and so I always end up co-sleeping. This means me and DH can’t enjoy evenings together or when visiting family I’m constantly just running back to the room and that’s why I am struggling with it… I just don’t know how to teach him self soothe without sleep training as will not lie and cuddle with me and go to sleep unless on the beast. If I knew it was something he would grow out of on his own then fine but worried that he won’t.

OP posts:
Advicereq · 27/11/2024 20:36

And thank you so much for the reassurance that I’m not doing anything wrong- maybe right now you’re right he needs this extra comfort and closeness to me and I will of course provide him with that. I just hope that we will be able to one day stop feeding to sleep as feel the association is not fair on him either as his naps are short and sleep more broken unless I’m lied next to him… I’ve been worrying about this all for days but maybe I should just accept this is the way it is for now. Just hope that he won’t still require the breast to sleep for years to come..

OP posts:
Saddogowner22 · 27/11/2024 22:36

https://lyndseyhookway.com/

Habit stacking can help. They all stop eventually, some of their own accord, others with support. I know it is exhausting having to resettle so much but that is unlikely to be due to feeding to sleep. Even babies fed to sleep can sleep longer stretches, a lot of it is down the individual temperament of the baby. My son for example was fed to sleep, and even at 3 is not a great sleeper, on the other hand my 6 month old can now go stretches of a 4-5 hours overnight which he never did - she is also fed to sleep. She sucks her thumb at times, which comforts her and gets her longer stretches. I haven't done anything differently for them, they are just different in their sleep needs and i know it is likely my youngest will go through periods of frequent waking again at some point.

If it helps reassure you at all i have plenty of friend's and family who sleep trained and had babies who slept well but as toddlers their sleep has been bad with them needing more comfort and closeness, with many ending up bed sharing or getting uo multiple times a night as a result.

Another great resource is the Beyond Sleep Training Project, they have a website and Facebook group you can join and ask questions for advice and support. They also have a red flag guide you can use to make aure there is nothing that needs running by your GP/health visitor, sich as mouth breathing.

Could you set your bed up for safe co-sleeping through out the night? We have a standard sized cot side attached to our bed (side-car) which means we all get more sleep through safe bed sharing.

One great thing i read when i was in the thick of it is that 'dependence leads to independence', in that through meeting your babies needs, day & night, and them being dependent on you helps create confident, independent children and adults.

Home

  Dr Lyndsey Hookway is a warm, humorous and passionate speaker, guaranteed to bring fun and fascination to audiences.

https://lyndseyhookway.com

New posts on this thread. Refresh page