Worried accidentally sleep training

[Hann376]

I know how damaging the cry it out sleep training method is for young babies under a certain age but I’m so worried everytime we don’t respond to our newborns’ cries we’re effectively sleep training without meaning to

for example if they’re in the pram or car seat and crying while you can’t respond to them instantly (sometimes ages in the car seat!) and they eventually fall asleep or when changing their nappy and they continue screaming and seem so traumatised by it. Or If you wait to see if they self settle in the night if fussing and they go to sleep

what is the difference between this and sleep training where they cry themselves to sleep ?

I’m so worried I’m damaging my babies development by not responding in the right way / instantly when they cry!

you're not accidentally sleep training. there are times when a baby, especially a newborn, is going to cry because they don't like something (nappy change, being in the car seat etc etc.). also these are things that have to happen for their wellbeing (nappy change) and for life to go on (going in the car) so you need to try and not feel guilty about them crying in these situations.

also if a baby is fussing at night and you leave them and then they settle down and go back to sleep this is different to them crying and you just leaving them?

hearing your baby cry as a mother is really tough and it literally biologically sets off areas of your brain in a fight or flight response. please be reassured that hearing them cry and feeling uncomfortable is normal. but please also be reassured that if they do cry in certain situations you are not damaging them. midwives/HV will also repeatedly tell you it's ok to leave your baby in a safe place when crying and step away (as long as they are dry/warm etc) for a few minutes if the crying is too much to cope with. they wouldn't say this if it was damaging.

Don’t worry you are not accidentally sleep training them. In the car you are not leaving them alone, I’m sure they can hear you and you are probably trying to say something reassuring while they are crying. Same in the pram and when you’re changing their nappy. Mine always used to cry in the car seat and sometimes in the pram - it definitely didn’t “train” them to sleep in any way as I still had to bf them to sleep until they were toddlers!

Honestly the ‘evidence’ on cry it out being damaging is based on babies who were left to cry for days on end and were completely emotionally neglected. Don’t stress about the odd bit of crying. For people who have two kids close together it’s pretty much unavoidable anyway.

This thread demonstrates how hysterical the anti sleep training discourse has become. No, your baby won’t spontaneously combust if it cries for a few moment.