Ferber - advice/success stories please!

[NewMum3088]

Hi All,
i’m new here and this is my first post - really hoping you can help and pls excuse my rambling! After a lot of research and debate, my husband and I decided to start Ferber for our DS, 7m old. DS has always been a fussy sleeper and now wakes often and when nothing is wrong (not hungry, temp fine, nappy fine). Sometimes just rolls around in sleep, wakes himself up and struggles to go back to sleep. End result is we’re exhausted, hes exhausted and we decided we needed to get his sleep sorted.

Last night was the first of Ferber and it was hideous - he cried for about 30mins on and off and then went to sleep. But he slept through til 6.15am, with one dream feed at 10.30pm.

Hes been fine all day, his usual happy self. I’ve been anxious and dreading bedtime all day, it was so hard to hear him cry and not go in outside of the set timings, just watching him on the monitor until the interval was up so I could comfort him.

Can anyone that’s done this, share some reassurance/encouragement pls? I know we need this for his sake so hes better rested and not consistently overtired but I am defo the weak link and almost caved on night 1!

I know some of you are strongly against ferber, please just dont comment with negativity. I appreciate everyone has their own views but really need support here xxx

Never feel guilty about making a decision you know will benefit the family. Ferber knows his shit- harvard medical school, head of a childrens sleep centre at boston children’s hospital, now retired but still consults with the hospital. Obviously it’s not for everyone but there’s a lot of medical experience behind his approach. So ditch the guilt!! And sounds like it worked great last night, genuinely that’s really good going for night 1. Tonight will almost certainly be a shorter period of crying. You’ve got this.

Ours wasn’t sleeping through (a wake at about 1am, sometimes again at 3am and always a 5am start to the day) and we finally gave in at 13 months because we were miserable. We knew he didn’t need the night bottles anymore and he had no issues actually going to sleep so it was really frustrating that he wasn’t anything near sleeping through.

We did the Ferber for one night. ONE. And we’d cracked it. It was horrible and I hated listening to him cry (with reassurances at the door) but ultimately everyone in the house was happier. I couldn’t believe it when he naturally slept through the next night. And the next. Wish we’d done it sooner to be honest.

We still have a naturally early riser (5am-6am) but we get a decent sleep now of more than 3 hour blocks!

Thank you @InTheRainOnATrain this is so logical and reassuring! Really helped me hang in there tonight. You were right, he cried for less today but still felt awful. Hes such a happy boy he doesnt cry much so it really gets to me 😭

@Junebug22 wow im so glad your LO got the hang of it in one night, thats fantastic! So good to hear it from someone thats gone through this, thank you for sharing ❤️

I used the Feber technique with my two at 6 months old. It took 3 days roughly for each of them to sleep through from 7-6/7. They are brilliant sleepers now as pre-teens! I can assure you they are happy, well adjusted kids who haven’t been traumatised.

You may need to revisit the technique after illness, or teething when they wake more but that only takes another day or two to get them sleeping well again.

the quality of sleep I got back as a result of them sleeping through and self settling and was worth it for the 3 nights.

If I was you I’d consider dropping the dream feed as it is maybe a bit confusing and they don’t necessarily need it.

Total Ferber advocate here.

Oh and each night of the 3 nights got easier with less waking and less crying each night.

Let us know how you get on!

Yes I did this with my now 2.5 year old.

It was hard, but it eased by night 3.

I would go in at 3mins then 5mins then every 10mins

Had to do it as he wouldn't settle and was very fussy from a young baby

He's still fussy now :)

But he sleeps much better.

When your baby is eating more during the day, the better their sleep at night

@Jessica167353 great to hear, thanks! Last night was slightly less horrendous than the first night, but still rough. He gets so worked up as soon as we put him in the cot and walk away, its awful 😭

Once your LOs got used to sleeping themselves were they quite happy to be put in their cot and left?

Thanks @calmandcollected101 tonight is night 3 so praying he takes to it a bit more easily tonight but lets see what happens.

Yes hes feeding enough during the day as well as now having solids, he just has the one dream feed which we’re now considering dropping once hes settled into self settling/sleeping independently

One was and one wasn’t. The eldest would always require initial settling to get them off to sleep but the younger could just be put down and would drop off no problem. I think this is indicative of their personality types now. The eldest is generally more sensitive and introverted whilst the youngest is more confident.

When you revisit the Ferber, do you do exactly the same as you did the first time? We did Ferber with my 9 month old breast fed baby when she was 6 months and had 2 months of her sleeping through, putting herself to sleep for naps and not feeding at night. The last month she’s started waking a lot more unsettled overnight (initially coincided with virus and teeth) - sometimes puts herself back to sleep but sometimes just cries for over 20 minutes hysterically - haven’t been able to settle her so have started having a feed to settle overnight - perhaps every other night.

It now feels a bit of a habit and one I’d like to break. Does this sound familiar to when you’ve had to re-Ferber with illness? We already leave her for up to 20 minutes before we check in over night now as often she will resettle.

help!

i know this wasn’t directed at me but just adding my 2 cents and hoping it helps! Ferber ended up working beautifully for us (thanks so much to everyone for the supportive helpful advice!) but we had teething and sleep regressions which sent us off track a bit.

When my DS was teething or poorly we just did what we had to to get through, cuddles, rocking, feeding etc. Once he was over that period we almost had to ferber train again to get back into routine but within about a week we were back on track.

If your LO is definitely well and otherwise ok, maybe go back to square one and Ferber. Same with the feeding, as long as you’re sure there isnt a growth spurt or something and your LO isnt actually hungry and just feeding for comfort, i would go back to the start with ferber and see how it goes after a week or two. Good luck xx

Question - how do you know when it's teething, illness or growth spurt, or another "legitimate" reason for needing settling?

(Absent obvious other signs like vomiting, temperature, or a new tooth being felt the next morning)

jusy keep going with it ! My little boy (8months) now we just put him into the Conway good night and walk out and he turns over and goes to sleep ! The crying stopped within 3 nights of starting

we have a nearly 4 year d and did this with her around 7months and she’s still a breeze to put to bed now

i think you start picking up on the signs as they happen in patterns - for my LO he eats and drinks more and sleeps more and is more cranky when a growth spurt is brewing. Teething - more drool, gnashing his gums, chewing more aggressively on things, pulling his ears. I found it started recognising the signs after a couple of times of them happening.

i also found the cries sound different when my LO is actually in pain or upset, rather than just whinging xx