We just can’t go on like this it’s torture - 10 month old and sleep

[Anon22224]

My daughter has never slept well but it’s got worse and worse over the last few months. Before 6 months it was once or twice a night and she settled with milk. Putting her down was fine she’s always self settled for nighttime and naps.

She still self settles at night. Shes got a good routine. We paid £1000 for a sleep consultant. She was basically a one trick pony and her advice has stopped working.

We did the calm and bright sleep training which was horrific (5 hours crying a night for 4 nights). She slept through for 2 nights and then we were back to how she was before.

Every night is variable, there’s no pattern. She wakes randomly but every 2-3 hours sometimes she has milk sometimes she doesn’t. Many nights now she is taking a long time to settle up to 2/3 hours.

Last night for example - bed at 1830, awake at 1909,2000, 2030, 2300, 2am - 4am and up at 6.

We are so broken we actually feel like we can’t cope anymore. It’s too frequent to sleep in between the wake ups

Help!!

oooft that sounds tough OP! What is the ‘calm and bright’ method? We sleep-trained our 7 month old a few weeks ago - moved her into her own room and did ‘cry it out’ (recommended by a sleep consultant) and it’s transformed her night-time sleep. She used to wake every 2 hours now she wakes maybe 1/2 times a night but only cries for a few minutes then self-settles. Worth a try if you haven’t already tried this method, though I know it’s not for everyone.

@Anon22224 am a sleep consultant (who's changing £1000😬)

How old is she? Can I ask what the sleep consultant suggested and what they did prior to advising how to fix?

6.30 is a bit early. Does she have solid for supper? Porridge and milk? Banana?.

I am a sleep consultant that was meant to say ☺️

Sounds silly but have you tried all the basics? Couldn't be cold now the weather is turning? Our boy had some shocking sleep and we put him in some fleecy pyjamas, a long vest and 2.5tog bag and he started sleeping much better.

That is really tough OP, my youngest was just like this but grew out of it around 14 months. The only way we got through it was by me co-sleeping with him and DH going in the spare room. He would then take DC from me at 5.30/6.00 am so I could get a couple of hours before he went to work. Is co-sleeping an option? He is 4 now and sleeps in his own room with no issue.

My little boy was never a good sleeper either and we went through a very similar, absolutely horrendous stage at around 10months too. I’m not sure how helpful my advice is but nothing we tried changed it until he was ready. It got steadily better, then from 12months - 2 I can probably count on one hand the amount of times we got up in the night. Then another horrendous regression from 2-2.5ish and now, at 2.5 I can tuck in, kiss goodnight and he usually sleeps through. Again, nothing we did could change that sleep regression until he was ready - whether a developmental thing or we just didn’t get it right, I don’t know, hut each rough patch , I keep the faith that it will pass!

Is she going to bed too early? At that age my first went to sleep at 8:30, my second a bit later..
6:30 seems very early..

Also a later bedtime like someone else suggested - he hasn’t gone to bed earlier than 8ish since he was 1, and whilst you lose time to get stuff done in the evening, there’s more chance of sleep!

What a waste of money sleep training is, this tells me.

What are naps like? Wake windows? Morning wake up time? Start with that and make small tweaks.

Remember that your baby is going through a period of separation anxiety at that age, too, so it's not unusual.

It's definitely exhausting though but it isn't forever. 💐

Are you co sleeping?

6.30pm is too early.
Maybe push bedtime to 9pm, that's what we did and baby slept from 9pm till 8am. They were extremely tired come 9pm so they'd just pass out after bedtime routine rather than being forced to sleep.

Also do a tag team with your partner. No point of having two people attend baby at the same time. In the first 3months I would sleep from 11pm till 6am and I'd tag DH from 6am till midday. I would wear ear plugs as I was sensitive to baby cries whereas DH can sleep through baby cries.

What's the rest of the day like for sleep?

@Anon22224 if you DM me ( I don't know how to do this sorry!) I can send you a link to my website to book a call and more than happy to have a chat with you (for free, not to sell you my package but just give you some advise based on what you've tried/not tried already). I'd need to see your routine as a whole before I could offer advice, hence the chat ☺️

Could she be hungry?

I started giving my DD a 'top-up' of porridge about an hour before bed with milk before bed and it completely changed her sleep.

Constipation can also make the fidgety at night.

What are her naps like and what sort of routine does she have?

You let her cry for 5 hours four nights in a row… and you’re surprised her sleep is now worse/unpredictable? That sounds like torture for all of you.

I daresay there are some marvelous sleep consultants out there - and some wonderful children that take to their techniques… but there are also children that these methods just won’t work for (and a few charlatans out there just selling the notion of sleep to desperate sleep-deprived parents). For my first DC 6:30 was usually not too early (but sometimes it was). For my second 8:30 is (sadly) about right. DC1 could be left for 10/15 mins to cry and would settle. If I left DC2 to cry they would only get more and more upset and would NEVER give in and rest.

Instead of looking at this as input = output (we spend money = child should sleep, we do bedtime at x o’clock = child should sleep, we do bath = child should sleep) try to perceive the challenge as “how can I get to know my child and myself and figure out what works for us”? “What will soothe my child when she wakes?” It sounds as though you’ve been scattergunning it a bit out of desperation and now your consistency has gone and everything’s a bit up the spout. Maybe go back to basics? (Including same room/co-sleeping/sleep when baby sleeps etc for a short while if need be).

Babies are just people in miniature. If the person I was dependent on left me to cry for that length of time I’d no longer feel safe going to sleep. I’m not saying this to guilt you - children are flexible/resilient/constantly changing etc and this won’t have done any lasting harm. I’m just saying - try and consider your child as a person and figure out what she needs. Slightly later bedtime? Less/shorter daytime naps? more food is often a great shout. More cuddles when they wake not less? food when they wake (milk/something more substantial)? White noise? etc etc. It is trial and error, but it’s trial and error you have to go through to find what works for her and is sustainable for you.

In the meanwhile try and take turns so one of you gets a whole night’s sleep, or split the nights so one of you sleeps 4-6 hours between 6pm-12am, the other sleeps midnight to 6am, then swap again for an hour or two from 6am, Swap over the weekend so you each get long sleep during the day. Cancel social plans to take the pressure off for a couple of weeks. Good luck