Husband falls asleep with baby

[ChippingWindMills]

Hi all ! We have a 4 week old and it's our first baby and I am incredibly anxious about SIDS and anything safe sleeping related. Both he and I read up a lot from Lullaby trust whilst pregnant to ensure we knew exactly how to keep little one safe.
So here's our problem...for as long as I've been with him my hubby can fall asleep in an instance. Seriously I have been mid conversation with him before and if he's comfortable and tired he will instantly shut his eyes and be asleep. So when I was pregnant I happily agreed to do all night feeds to keep little one safe but the last week he has fallen asleep late evening whilst holding little one. Once he fell asleep whilst scrolling his phone and dropped it on little ones legs but I was there so instantly took baby second time I was cleaning bottles in the kitchen and came in perhaps 5 mins later and he was fast asleep.
My anxiety is now through the roof and hubby is really upset too. He says it just comes over him so he doesn't even get a chance to think to put baby somewhere safe. It's creating a tension between us too as I've now cancelled my works Xmas evening meal as I'm scared to leave them alone.

Any experience or advice in this situation. I'm okay to accept I need to take a lead when it creeps into the evening but after being with little one all day it's not giving me much of a chance to do much else (shower, etc)

well he needs to go to the GP

and until sorted… supervised whenever with baby

Thats not normal - has he been to the doctor? If he can't help it, presumably he doesn't drive and this can happen at work etc too?

Do you have other children?

I also don't think that's normal. He can't be left to hold a newborn baby on his own if he can just fall asleep at any time, without any notice. It's absolutely not safe and a huge risk for positional asphyxia for baby. He needs to see a GP.

Sounds like a medical condition, he needs to go to GP.

Is there a danger he could fall asleep whilst driving?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/narcolepsy/#:~:text=Narcolepsy%20is%20a%20rare%20long,when%20to%20wake%20or%20sleep.

I agree he needs to go to GP as this really isn’t normal, even when I’ve been at the worst of exhaustion in newborn days I couldn’t fall asleep mid conversation so it does seem like there’s something else going on there.

The only solution in the meantime would be to have him stand with baby (assuming he doesn’t fall asleep when stood up) or just supervise baby while they are in pram/crib, neither of those is ideal or a long term solution though.

I do totally understand that sometimes even despite the best of intentions these things can happen, my baby is 7 months old now but I know in those newborn days when I was running on 30 minutes sleep in days, breastfeeding etc, there were times when I completely accidentally fell asleep holding her and I know how lucky I am that everything was okay. But if he isn’t even doing the night times, or the evenings, and still can’t manage to stay awake to look after baby for an hour then he does need a GP as that level of exhaustion isn’t normal.

He's mentioned it to GP before and he pretty much laughed at him in saying you have a tiring job, you just can't fight the tiredness as well as others. He had blood tests and everything so no medical condition here guys. No he doesn't drive tired and no he doesn't fall asleep standing up (that one made me chuckle)

I'm going to take the reins for now. Newborns are exhausting.

Thanks all

so…. your husband is never left alone with any of your children until…. 10?

Great

horrifying to think he might have a driving license

I reckon he is allowing himself to fall asleep, because he is lazy and selfish. If he really falls asleep at the drop of a hat with zero control, he must have narcolepsy. I couldnt be arsed with someone who willingly fell asleep and couldn’t be left with a baby. What’s the point of him?? Honestly I’d just leave.

My partner is exactly like this, fell asleep holding baby so many times even though I did every single night feed. He always told me he'd stay stood up and then sat down when I left the room! Somehow i always managed to get back before anything bad happened, i think a sixth sense even when i was sleeping. It caused many many fights. He always felt guilty, but it didn't stop him. So i stopped leaving him alone with baby. I honestly thought about leaving several times.

Baby is now 7 months, I still do all the nights, I have serious resentment issues and partner has been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. He has a c pap and no longer falls asleep at the drop of the hat, although still does far more easily than anyone else I've ever met.

I would honestly push the DR, it's not normal and something as simple as a sleep study (done at home with a monitoring device) could make all the difference, before something dangerous happens and before your relationship is destroyed!

@Blu3Bell predumably you were acutely aware of this prior to TTC. What did you think would happen when you had children?

@truegum81 honestly I thought it was just a really annoying habit born from boredom, busy job and staying up too late and not something that would put my child's life in danger. I also (wrongly) assumed he would put our babies safely above his comfort by standing up/walking around when he was alone with the baby like he promised he would.

Sounds like he has a medical issue like sleep apnea I hope he doesn't drive. Get him to the GP and make sure he tells them this was before baby not just sleepless nights.

he sounds unpleasant and an unhappy marriage

No sleep Apnea is very common especially in men they can fall asleep driving and can be very dangerous there is no control over it....even standing.

He needs to push for a referral....it's not shown in bloods