ZERO sleep at night with 2 week old newborn

[Daisychain27]

Really need some help. For context I’m breastfeeding. Also for context, our baby is a dream in the day time and will happily sleep in her bassinet for 3 hours.

My partner is now back in work, however he has our baby from 9pm - midnight whilst I sleep, then I take over.

I get no further sleep after midnight whatsoever. We have a Next2Me but she hates it, so we instead take the pram bassinet upstairs as she sleeps in this during the day and likes it. Complete darkness, Ewan the sheep turned on, hot water bottle to warm the mattress and some clothes that smell of us stuffed in pocket of bassinet. The second he puts her down, she is unsettled. She wakes for 3 diff reasons; feeding, painful wind, wanting to be on me, in order of most to least frequent reasons.

I know she’s 2 weeks old and will feed regularly through the night, that’s no problem. She’s a great feeder, good latch and feeds quickly and effectively. But she won’t settle back down in her bassinet and it’s due to wind 75% of the time despite using infacol, spending huge amounts of time burping, and doing things to try and relieve gas like bicycle legs etc (it’s rare I get a burp or fart out of her), and keeping her upright 10 mins after each feed. She’s a very burpy, hiccupy and sneezy baby generally.

My partner then wakes up and leaves for work at 6am and I’m left to function the whole day having only slept 9pm-12pm the previous day. I do nap in the day when the baby does sometimes, but I have responsibilities (dogs) and if I slept all day I’d just feel like I was missing out on precious time with her.

I’ve tried to reach out to other mums for advice and support but they all seem to get at least 1 hour of sleep in the middle of the night, or they’ll say “yeah my baby only sleeps 2 hours at a time it’s a killer”, when I’d kill for even one two hour block in the night.

Not sure what I’m asking but any advice or hand holds appreciated x

Neither of my babies would sleep during the night ( or day tbh) unless in bed with me. Can dh go in the spare bed and you cosleep with baby? I’d also for now grab every nap you can, the dogs will survive missing the odd walk for a week or two whilst you get past the first intense weeks (I also have dogs and horses so I get it)

If they're a bit sort of colicky they do grow out of it by 3 months

I know I was in a complete daze with DS the first couple of months

We slept at the same times at night and day but we were in sleep rhythm with each other

I got nothing done and because I wanted DH to sleep well for work etc I'd go into the living room or spare room and just deal with it. This worked for me because we had our rhythm so I worked best

DS was pretty much strapped to my chest in a harness or we spent a lot of time asleep together

Get a dog walker to take dogs out. Sleep when baby sleeps. Can you try for another hr before DH goes to sleep at 12? So 8pm to midnight? Time of day doesn’t doesn’t matter with a newborn.

Have you slightly lifted the head of the cot?

Well they don't sleep 24/7 so presumably night time is when they are awake. I had this with DS & used to keep him awake during the day at various times. It's probably not a popular suggestion on here but I needed him to sleep at night & not all day for my sanity & I had a 18 month to deal with during the day. It took about 6 weeks to get him into night sleep.

I’d guess not knowing either if you and only reading what you’ve put here that a baby that feeds quickly and then is gassy but won’t burp or settle is getting too much fore milk and needs more of the richer hind milk. You are only two weeks in and the days and nights often shift like this for teeny babies. Get a dog walker or dh does that or kennels. Put your feet up particularly in the afternoon and drink and eat well. These first months are an extension of gestation so bin off any ideas about bouncing back into your non pregnant life, that would be missing early infancy.

Co sleeping saved me. Check out the Lullaby Trust to see how to do it safely

I can offer a hand hold but honestly it sounds like things are going well. Ewan and Infacol will not solve the simple fact your daughter wants her mummy. It's very early days. Things will get better. And I know when you're in it that's the shittiest thing to hear. You're sleeping 9-12, that's great. In a week things will change again, as they always do.

Congratulations on your baby. Gently, I'm not sure what you were expecting. This is my experience and I thought it was normal/what having a newborn was supposed to be like.

You can't have it all I'm afraid. You simply must prioritise sleep above all else in the day. Ideally someone else does the chores and cooking etc so you literally take care of your own needs and baby and that is it (enough!).until baby starts doing longer stretches of sleep at night.

OP we had a similar problem and i bought a zip up swaddle and this massively helped DS sleep better in the early months.

https://lovetodream.co.uk/products/swaddle-up-cotton-moderate-deep-olive?pos=2&&fid=58300b475&ss=c

Also agree with others, try to get your dogs walked by a dog walker or someone you know. Prioritise your sleep for now, you need it! The normality with the dogs will be possible later.

Have you had any breastfeeding support? I found at night that although I thought the latch was good- it wasn't and was getting lots of air with feeds.... mine was also allergic to cows milk (cmpa) as well
I would also be tempted to try a rockit on the pram bassinet- it moves and she might settle better.
In terms of responsibility- your responsibility is your newborn. Pay for a dog walker or let DH walk the dogs, don't worry about cleaning or washing. It takes a while to get a rhythm with a newborn- you are both still learning about each other- and all newborn knows is you. Have you read about the 4thtrimester...

Oh and I always recommend this to any mum. Get a tongue tie assessment regardless of how baby is feeding if you can afford it. Some of the issues with short feeds and gassiness could be latch related although as someone else has said they also need to grow into their guts and adjust to day versus night. Both of which happen over time without intervention from parents.

You have the next 18 years for precious time with her. If she is sleeping during the day and you are exhausted then you need to sleep then too. Also, go to bed at 8 instead of 9 to get a longer block.

It won't always be like this, so just do whatever you can to get through this stage.

What time does dh get in? Does he have the option of wfh? Shared parental leave is also a consideration.

I'd be going to bed earlier than 9. And co sleeping.

Co-sleep. Sorry, it's the only thing that let me have any sleep for the first 2 months.

Those love to dream swaddles mentioned upthread are fab but if that doesn’t work by all means safely co sleep. I bought myself a big fleece onesie and an adult size cellular blanket to sleep with first dd who was a collicy nightmare. It’s better to plan to co sleep than end up falling asleep together accidentally which you inevitably will!

'This too share pass'

It can feel like you will never sleep again with a newborn and everything feels so much worse when you are more tired than you have ever experienced before, but things change so quickly with a baby. Just do what you can to survive now and soon you will find yourself still very tired, but nowhere near how tired you are now and you will find a new normal.

Sleep when the baby sleeps is a saying for a reason, and a luxury you only really get with your first.

Tbh this sounds completely normal at 2 weeks old. They very often have day/night confusion and it takes a few weeks for this to sort itself out. I would think it’s unlikely to be wind if she is completely fine during the day. Newborns are notoriously noisy at night, I remember being completely shocked by the noises coming from my tiny newborn, couldn’t understand why no one had told me about the grunting, sounded like a full farm was in the bedroom! Try co sleeping, it was the only thing than saved my sanity. Or try and sleep during the day for now. They do get the hang over night time eventually although will obviously still wake frequently.

I didn’t know which way was up or down in the first few weeks, OP. It’s relentless - but it does gradually get easier. Each day that passes brings you closer to that easier time x

You mention the wind. I too wonder whether your baby is feeding for comfort and then over feeding by accident. Have you tried not feeding some of the times and holding her close over your shoulder (ie away from the boobs) and walking around? It was the only thing that would settle my son. I walked slowly and sung very quietly and he then dozed off. The hard bit was then dropping him back in his Moses basket, but I learnt how to have that at the best height and best arrangement to facilitate dropping him back down.

It also helped me to think about what a massive change it was for baby, being out in the world rather than inside me. I also reminded myself that they’d need to learn about night and day.

Ignore all chores apart from the essentials and sleep when baby naps during the day. Even short naps help. It honestly does get easier.

If she sleeps for 3 hours in the daytime you absolutely need to be getting your head down then too. Honestly you're really not missing out on time with her when she's already asleep and if she's up all night you're spending plenty of time with her then anyway.

The newborn days are brutal and you need to grab any opportunity to sleep you can. Offload any and all responsibilities and sleep in whatever moments you can. You and DH will be like ships in the night but normality will return.

So sorry, it's really difficult. Those early nights are wild.

Maybe have a look at gentler ways of winding? Or whether you need to at all (many other cultures don't) - there are resources online. Bicycle legs etc in the night might make it difficult for her to settle again, when she might just need holding for a longer time? My baby took a long time to settle after night feeds and I would hold up him upright for 30 mins or so, and then cuddle him until he would eventually be in a deep enough sleep so I could put him down for an hour or two. The only other thing that helped get him to stay in his next to me was a tight swaddle.

It it's any consolation, even when my baby was doing 1.5-2 hr stints in the night, I was so wired I could barely get back to sleep, it's brutal!

Otherwise, just need echoing others, please get someone else to walk dogs, and sack off anything else/expectations in the day to get through these early weeks. Take care and hope your partner is making sure you are staying well nourished and is generally picking up the slack in all other areas!

Both of mine were like this for several months. It does pass is all I can say. Co-sleeping helped for me, with my partner sleeping in a different bed so me and the baby had plenty of space. If you have a friend or relative who can occasionally look after the baby for 2 hours whilst you nap, that will help. Focus on you and the baby and don't worry about the other stuff / try to outsource / neglect as much as possible for a few months.

Sleep deprivation is hell and torture.
This is within the range of "normal" - you aren't doing anything wrong and there isn't a magic thing you can do differently. It will get better.

Are you sleeping during the day when baby is sleeping. If you are wasting that time on household chores stop that right now. Your only jobs are getting a bit of sleep when you can and eating/drinking what you need so you can make milk for the baby. Don't waste any time on cooking or cleaning. Other people can do those until baby is at least 3 months