Desperate to nigh wean 14month old

[ThatLilacPombear]

Hi everyone,
I hope someone can give me some advice on night weaning a 14-month old with very strong nurse to sleep association.
We have a simple bedtime routine, and my husband used to put her to sleep in her crib (next to our bed). Recently I feed her to sleep more often as she started nursery and gets overtired - and then I nurse her to sleep most days.
No matter how she falls asleep - by herself in crib or nursed - she wakes up every 2 hours and there is absolutely NOTHING that will settle her but nursing. We tried rocking, patting, shushing, my husband trying to comfort her - she’d scream until I nurse her. It’s been like this since her 5 month sleep regression, way before her startin a nursery.

I recently started taking her to our bed as I get really tired and she uses me as a pacifier all night long (I love the cuddles but my nipples get really sore!). We use a dummy (so to get her to sleep when she wakes up I nurse her first and then give her a dummy), but she usually refuses it as a boob replacement. She falls asleep in the nursery with a dummy, and sometimes her grandad gets her to nap with a dummy, rocking her.

We tried gentle removal method, to be honest I’m just too tired to try to count to 10, remove the nipple etc - and usually she gets very upset anyway!
We tried building other sleep associations, she has a comforter and white noise but they don’t help.
I don’t want to CIO but consider some type of controlled 5/10 min crying - but would that mean I just feed her after letting her cry for 10 min?
We tried going cold turkey, so trying to comfort her at night in mine or my husband’s arms, rocking, shushing - she would just scream and go purple and I got up.
I even consider stopping breastfeeding altogether, but then how on earth will I get my little one to sleep when she wakes up at night… and should I remove dummy at the same time? How?

I’m just so tired and feel that my little one doesn’t get great night sleep neither, and just feel like such a failure I let her associate nursing with sleep for so long.

Has anyone any advice? Please help a sleep deprived, desperate mum!

TLDR: 14 month old wakes up every 2 hours and only goes back to sleep nursed, nothing else works to get her back to sleep…

Are they hungry before sleep? What time is her last feed? Have you tried pumping into a bottle for night feeds? I hope you find a solution

Thank you. She definitely isn’t hungry, she has her tea and a snack before bedtime and has a good appetite during the day. I tried offering my own milk, formula and water but it just seems to make her more upset!

I’m sorry, I have no useful advice but didn’t want to read and run. You have my utmost sympathy, waking every two hours and feeding to sleep is horrible !

I say no advice because mine went through an extended phase like this too. I coslept with him as the only way of getting enough sleep to function, but it was still bloody exhausting.

on a purely practical survival note - can your husband take her for an hour in the morning so you get an hour in bed by yourself? Unmolested so to speak.

mine eventually started sleeping longer stretches of his own accord , but it was nothing we did. We also tried night weaning sending dad in when he woke instead , but he would only settle for my husband sometimes, and when he wouldn’t it was long and loud and ended with my husband bringing him in to me. After two weeks of that rigmarole I said enough, I will just carry on cosleeping and feeding him, as I felt we were all getting less sleep!

I hope someone else can give better advice …

I don't miss those days, my DD went through through this but I wasn't BF at the time, I found giving her some baby porridge before bed delayed her waking up but after a week or so she went back to wanting bottles. I then realised it may be teething pains started giving her one of those cold teething things which helped sooth her without a bottle. I have no other advice but hope someone can help you

thanks for the reply, can I ask how long it took for your little one to start sleeping longer stretches on his own?

I don't have advice but giving solidarity. Mine is 12 months and sometimes wakes every hour just for a comfort feed. She's now refusing cot completely (freaks out as soon as she feels she's being lowered in even when asleep) so co-sleeps. Won't take a dummy. Just wants nipple really. The cot thing is only since starting nursery. She's always been a shit napper but that's got even worse as she just will not give in to feeling sleepy. We tried CIO in desperation in her cot and she just sat in the corner sobbing a bit staring at the door then eventually fell asleep sat up with head against the bars at 10.30pm, then woke herself up 10 mins later when she slid sideways. For now I'm just going with co-sleeping. I haven't got it in me at the moment to try and sort it out, but I think we'll get to that point again. Good luck!

Honestly, they’re all different! Mine was over two I’m afraid when he started sleeping with only one or no wake ups in the night. But many others do it sooner…

Thank you! It’s good to know we’re not alone!

We’re going through teething now as well so I’m pausing all the sleep training methods - but I’ve started Jay Gordon’s sleep method mixed with (again) gentle removal and I managed to put my little one back to sleep when she woke up at night just by shushing and patting TWICE - which gives me hope 🤞🏻 but it might be also due to the fact she’s a bit more tired because of teething and stuffed nose. We’ve also started using magnesium lotion. I’ll post an update in a couple of days :)

Have a look at Hannah love she has a weaning course and advises how to gently wean there night feeds

Following as similar with my almost 12mo. Literally wakes the second bood isn't in mouth. Sobbing, wailing, screeching. After third night in a row, at 2am having still not even been able to go to sleep myself (did I mention I'm back at work full time and had an 8am meeting!) my DH had to take out for a walk to try give me an hour. It's not even just wanting to be attached to my boob. Must simultaneously be pinching my skin or screams like being murdered. I ended up covering up all my skin I could bar nipple and baby is literally pulling themselves on top of me frantically trying to grab at my skin and getting very distressed when can't find any. Offer to hold my hands or comforter and throws it away.

Thank you @ThatLilacPombear I will that up. Hope it's going well!

Our son was up every 2 hours until we did some gentle sleep training and that helped get him to 4-ish hour chunks. Now he's up 2-3 times a night at 14 months. You go in after 5 minutes, shush and pat and soothe but don't pick up, then 10 minutes, do the same again, then 15 minutes, do the same again, then unfortunately you just leave them until they stop crying after that. Our son fussed and yelled for 40 minutes the first night. Then 20 minutes the second night and then he was fine being out down to sleep. Then you need to choose times to feed and only go in to feed her at those times - and she MUST be asleep when you go in to feed her. It being a dream feed is essential. Outside of those times or if she has woken up, you do the 5, 10, 15 again until she goes back to sleep and then go in and feed her once you know she's properly out.

I don't know how well this will work on an older baby, as my son was 8 months when we did it, but fingers crossed it helps. Good luck.