How to help overtired baby?

[flyingbeet]

My baby is 3 months old and we've been having a lot of trouble with her sleep and I wanted to get some help. I have struggled since she was 5 weeks but it is becoming even more of a struggle.

I try and pay attention to her sleep cues and then I would either rock her to sleep or sometimes she feeds to sleep. She will not have a hard time falling asleep but she does not stay asleep. Wakes up every 10-15 minutes or so needing me to continue rocking her or being latched on throughout the whole nap. I'm unable to place her down as she wakes up even earlier. Every time she wakes up it becomes harder and harder to put her back to sleep. I put her down after an hour and a half to which she naturally wakes up and then she is fussy during her wake window and tired as she is yawning, rubbing her eyes and crying. During the late evening and night she is overtired and its very hard to put her to sleep. She cries so much and I spend hours getting her to sleep.

I've tried making sure the environment is comfortable for nap times by drawing the curtains, swaddling her and playing white noise. When she's awake she feeds, I change her nappy and if she is not tired and cranky I will try to get her to play on her playmat but most of the time this is not possible. We only get a total of 5-10 minutes of tummy time done in a day and because it isn't enough it is starting to affect her head shape.

During the nights she will constantly wake up and need to be put back to sleep. She does not wake up because she is hungry. I am having to co-sleep to be able to get some rest which I do not want to do. I want her to be able to sleep in her bassinet.

I've tried following a schedule but that always ends up not working because she is still fussy and if I try and keep her up for her age appropriate wake window she becomes overtired and is hard to settle. I think partly the reason she is like this is because she spends a lot of her nap time trying to stay asleep and is constantly waking up. I've tried asking experienced family and friends for advice but they don't know how to help either. I'm struggling mentally because my whole day revolves around her sleep. I've tried researching baby sleep myself, tried getting help from family and friends but it doesn't work and it's really mentally affecting me because my whole day consists of getting her to sleep so I can't do anything. Simple tasks such as getting the time to brush my teeth or eating become difficult because I'm unable to find time when all I do is constantly putting her to sleep and consoling her when she's awake. I have not been able to go grocery shopping or out to eat or see my friends since she was born too because she just cries. I'm unable to even talk to my friends and family on the phone as when she's awake I'm busy consoling her but when I'm trying to get her to sleep which takes hours I can't be talking on the phone. It really has mentally drained me. I kept telling myself that as she gets older it will get better but it is just getting worse.

She has always been a very alert baby. She used to have very high levels of jaundice yet she was still awake and alert which jaundice babies typically aren't. Even the doctors had commented on it during our stay at the neonatal unit.

However, it has progressively gotten worse. She used to be able to fall asleep in her car seat when we went to her hospital appointments and her pushchair when we went for a walk but not anymore. Sometimes in the bouncer but now she just cries, she would feed to sleep but not anymore she just unlatches and cries. It's becoming harder to settle her to sleep while I rock her too. I'm afraid I'll get to a point soon where I won't know how to put her to sleep and she'll just keep crying.

I live with my husband and parents in law but unfortunately they don't know how to help either and are not able to put her to sleep or able to soothe her when she is fussy and crying while awake.

I know that young babies sleep is not very good and what I'm experiencing could be very normal and that my baby is just a very bad sleeper but I would still like some help and advice please

The problem isn’t your schedule. It’s because she doesn’t know how to fall asleep alone which is why when she stirs, she is looking for you to help her sleep again, either rocking or feeding.

The only way to fix it is to teach her to fall asleep without any aids.

lots of methods but plenty of people don’t like them.

She's still so little OP ❤️ do you need to settle her on her own for a reason or could you cuddle her while she's napping? Both my babies contact napped until they were about 6 months old. I just loved the sleepy cuddles!

At the risk of sounding cooky dooks, both my kids also saw chiropractors/osteopaths for misshapen heads due to positional pressure. It's done them the world of good

Babies at 3 months don't have a schedule and it can be quite depressing for us as their caregivers to be at their beck and call but they know their own bodies and what they need/when they need it. It's great that we're advised to feed them every three hours or they should have a wake window of such and such length but noone tells the baby that!

Don't be hard on yourself, you're only just out of the fourth trimester and getting used to life with a newborn is bloody hard work! You're doing an amazing job 💐

She is still tiny OP if you don’t have a sling I would highly recommend one to be wearing about the house and for walks and shopping. My youngest lived in hers until around five months, I think it was excellent for strength but mostly so she could sleep while I did things. Unfortunately my baby koala never learnt to be on her own until around one so showers and teeth brushing were always fraught but I think that was just character. At some point the pram and car seat might work for you again, baby’s change so much so quickly so keep trying every now and again.

Take her out jn the buggy or one of those swing chairs

I didn't do either though I just set myself up a station to bf at with snacks, drinks, book,TV remote etc IE everything I would need and let her sleep on me or wore a sling.

90 minutes is the upper end of the awake window at 3 months, I’d start to settle after an hour.

Have you tried a dummy?

if she’s very alert, maybe a snooze shade over the pram?

the sling for hands free contact naps is a good idea.

Nice low expectations though!! As they say, she hasn’t read the books. Lots of very short naps is very very normal. Lots of help to get to sleep is also very normal. Grumpy babies - very normal. There’s a lot of growth spurts still and a high likelihood she’s hungry, starting to teeth, noticing the world around her, starting to roll…

I don’t think that’s normal, hence why the experienced parents around you are struggling to give any advice. Sleep training can be effective from 4 months old if you wanted to try that, it sounds like she’s often crying anyway so trying something like Ferber might not be any more upset than your current normal and if that isn’t for you there are lots of more gentle methods out there- maybe do some research. First though I’d want to rule out anything else going on- silent reflux, CMPA, tongue tie etc. If you haven’t done any of these things already I would make appointments with a lactation specialist to check latch and tongue tie in case she’s swallowing lots of air, the GP to discuss the possibility of silent reflux and/or CMPA since they often go together and an oesto in case there’s something going on with her head.

OP it’s so hard, the best thing to do in my experience is just to lean into it in those early months, with the knowledge that it WILL get better. I spent hours outside with my earphones in listening to music and podcasts while I pushed baby around in the pram. Sometimes she would settle, sometimes not but it helped me keep my sanity. During the day at home I would make sure to have snacks and supplies around in easy reach and resign myself to contact napping.

Your husband can be key here, my partner went back to work after 4 weeks, but we continued to do shifts overnight, he would take the early part so I could sleep for 4-5 hours, and I would take the later shift. When her sleep got a bit better (from about 4.5 months) we stopped the shifts and took turns being “on call” overnight so the other person could have a full nights sleep (don’t forget ear plugs and eye masks 🤣)

my DC had troubles sleeping in those early months and they do just need you more at that stage while they are trying to figure out life. Throughout the tough times though, I did continue to try and get her to settle independently but without putting a huge amount of pressure on it. She got there eventually, she is 2 now and been sleeping without issue since around 6 months.

She's 3 months old

Yes I read that @Edenmum2 and it’s still the truth. I had babies that wouldn’t sleep without being fed to sleep at 3 months and that was my own doing and the reason why.

I would also really recommend a sling! Mine would only nap in a sling until around 5/6 months and then I started to try getting him in his cot for the morning nap only and at some point all naps were able to be in his cot!

He also wouldn’t sleep in his pram or car seat which was so hard but again one day maybe when he was around 5 months we went out he fell asleep in the car seat and after that I couldn’t keep him awake in the car.

it’s very hard and I spent a lot of time worrying but the sling really did work wonders

Just because someone has said 90 minutes is an appropriate wake window for her age, doesn’t mean it’s an appropriate wake window for her. Maybe ignore the schedule and look at her sleep cues for a few days. She might only be up 45 mins to an hour and that’s ok still.

Hey, just wondered how it was going with your LO as I’m in a similar situation now! Did you manage to find a routine that helped her settle ?