False starts every night at 22 months!

[Khalilsmama]

I have a 22 month old who wakes screaming every single night without fail between the 20 min - 30 min mark after going to sleep. He self settles, but will always almost take bedtime as a nap and be awake for another wake window. Sometimes he will go for a second 30 min nap once we have gone in comforted him and walked back out but mostly stays awake. This means he sleeps at 12-1am! He has nursery at 8am which means he barely sleeps.

This has been happening for 5 months straight. We have tried everything but I am so stuck. I have another baby coming in January and the thought of 2 babies that don’t sleep is so daunting for my mental health.

his current routine is:
7:30am wake up
1pm nap for 1 hour 30.
7:30 bedtime.

I have searched and searched for answers but there are no posts about false starts for children past a year and I am so lost with what to do.

Has anyone experienced similar or can anyone suggest anything that may help because I have completely run out of ideas and I am exhaustedddd beyond imagination. 2 years of broken sleep and no evenings off. TIA x

I think this is usually about over-tiredness? Which makes sense, he (and you!) must be shattered.

Have you tried a 6.30/ 7 bedtime? Consistently, for a week or so to see if it sticks?

Thank you for your reply.

I have tried bringing bedtime to 7 earliest as his dad gets home from work at 6:30 so we do try and get him to do book and bed with him. But we tried this for less than a week as we noticed he still woke up anyway. I will try again for a longer period and see if it makes a difference.

Do you suggest a 4 hour wake window after a 1 hour 30 min nap or should I let him nap for 2 hours. (I usually always wake him at 1 hour 30 to avoid late bedtime). x

Hmmm. Odd. He’s under 2yo - at that age mine were still on two naps a day. Do you think two 1-hour naps could happen? Keep the wake and bedtimes the same, they sound right.

I could try I just wonder how I will fit this in with nursery as he goes from 8:30-12:30.

I initially moved him to one nap when he would fight his second nap and then bedtime became really late.

what times do you suggest I should fit the 2 naps in within his schedule? I’m open to trying this to see if it makes a difference.

I think one nap is okay, mine was on one nap from 10months, and you have one nap established now, agree re bedtime forward. Appreciate not ideal for your DH but needs must, bring it quite forward to try and recover over tiredness. 130 wake up through to 730 bedtime is a long wake window? Can you move forward to 630 and agree need to give it a good run to see if it helps

Oh sorry it's 230 to 730 I just reread your OP, think 4 hours will be okay if you try 630 bedtime. You can fix this ahead of Jan for sure, consistency is key

You know some DC give up daily naps before the age of 2 😬

Try cutting his nap to 45 minutes to try and break the sleep pattern he has currently.

@Alwaystired2023 😂 love the name! Relatable💀 ok will definitely give the 4 hour wake window a try and hopefully it stops the false starts 🤞🏼

@RandomMess this was my next step but honestly with his broken sleep I cherish that nap for myself😂😩

From what I've read, the average daily sleep need for a 22 month old is 12.5 hours in 24 hours, so yours is sleeping an hour longer than that. I would either wake them an hour earlier in the morning, or put them to bed an hour later, or cut 30 mins off the nap and either wake them 30 mins earlier or put them to bed 30 mins later. But i realise this is contrary to what everyone else has said! We had to do those things when ours was awake for up to 3.5 hours in middle of night.

My little one is younger than yours but we got stuck with a false start wake 40 mins after bed leading to screaming and tears every night for months on end. It didn't matter how much or how little sleep he had during the day or what time he went to bed. It was a habit wake that formed during a sleep regression.
We currently are working on re-breaking it - what works for us was a very gentle rouse of baby (I stroke from his ear to his chin gently until he stirs a very little - moves in the bed, occasionally he'll open his eyes). This helps move him into the next sleep cycle. I set a timer for 30 mins after I put him down in his cot to remind me. Waaaaay less work than resettling from a full wake and all the tears that involves.
Since we've started doing this we've not had any issues with him crying unless we've forgotten and skipped a night. We'd managed to break the habit until the clocks went back but sadly it popped up again after, hopefully it'll disappear in another week or two or persistent nudging.