6 years of sleep deprivation…Help!

[Mummobile]

I’m hoping to get some advice and support about my kids' sleep issues. I have a 5½-year-old daughter and a 3½-year-old son, and neither of them are great sleepers.

My daughter wakes up constantly—like, 3 4 5 times a night—for water, toilet, cuddles, or just because she needs some connection. We co-slept until she was almost three, and I think that might have set the stage for her sleep struggles now - but its been years of this.

My son isn’t as bad, but he still wakes us up at least once a night then gets up for the day around 5 a.m. every morning.

Honestly, I can't explain just how exhausted I feel, after nearly six years of this. The number of good nights we get is a couple of times a year at best…

They've slept at grandparents homes 1-2 times a year, and even they don't know how we manage.

I'm at a cusp of considering drastic action to just get one good night sleep… like leaving them to settle by themselves and lining up everything they might need during the night. A preschool version of “cry it out”…. Which I have never agreed to, - I am just desperate to feel like not exhausted - my physical health, and mental health is wrecked.

Has anyone else been through this? Every other parent with an almost 6 and 4 year old have children that sleep well…

Sorry I have no advice (I only have a 20 month old!) but I thought I’d reply to say that sounds so tough and I hope things improve! I can see my DD being like this in years to come though 😬
(Also hopefully bump this up so others can reply and help)

When my DD in particular went through a stage like this I put a camping mattress in the floor next to our bed, she would just come into our room, have a cuddle, then lie down on the mattress and I could just trail my hand out of the bed so she could hold it if she wanted, and I could remain mostly unconscious. Gradually she came through less and less. This also worked for my youngest. Gro clocks helped with the opposite end of the day, they learned very early that no sun on the clock means you don't wake Mummy and Daddy! It is hard, I do understand, mine are all a lot older now but those sleep deprivation years are hard, and I didn't do CIO etc either. One thing I would say os if it's affecting both parents sleep maybe you can alternate nights so you get some quality sleep too.

Have you tried the Boring Return method? Essentially, you don't reward the child with attention.

Set up so that the child can get what they need independently. Leave a cup of water in the child's room, so they can get a drink without waking you. Leave a nightlight on the landing so they can use the toilet without switching on the light. Leave your door ajar so they can come to you if they have a bad dream.

Then, whenever your child wakes, lead them to what they need, but without any fuss and with minimal speaking, and then lead them quietly back to their bed. Each time after that, less interaction. Eventually, when they get up at night, you just lead them back to bed without speaking or even making eye contact.

The exception, of course, is for a genuine nightmare. You might want to take them into your bed for a cuddle without speaking, or you might want to resettle them in their own bed and stay with them for a few minutes. You might have to be flexible about that. What you don't want is for them to replace 'thirsty' with 'bad dream' in order to get attention.

IME this can take anywhere from 3 nights to 3 weeks to work. You can continue using it as long and whenever there are wakings.

I also highly rate the Gro Clock. My worst sleeper learned to reprogram theirs very early on, so I reinforced it with a bribe: stay quietly in your room until getting-up time, and get a star on your chart. The star chart on its own did not work for early wakings. I think my dc needed the visual of the GroClock to help. Also, the GroClock allows for an early waker to play quietly in their room, rather than wake everybody because they are bored in bed.