I can't cope anymore - 2 year old waking

[rootsandwings89]

My 2.5 year old ds has woken up every night for the last 3 months. He shouts, cries, screams and nobody can get any sleep. Sometimes he will wake multiple times, sometimes he wakes up a midnight and no matter what we try, won't go back to sleep for 2/3 hours. Sometimes he wants bottle after bottle of milk, sometimes he can't find his Teddy and sometimes he wants his bloody sock twisted back on. My DD is at school and we're worried she's constantly being woken up.

We have tried EVERYTHING. He has already dropped his naps but sometimes will fall asleep in the car if he's out.

DH and I are so sleep deprived we feel it's making us ill.

We can't afford a sleep therapist, who else can help with this?

We can't cope anymore.

I don’t have the answers but I have a similar problem. I’m desperate for some solutions too. Or even just to understand what is happening to DC at 2am so I can find away around it.

Sleep training time I think for you

Sounds like normal sleep rhythm, he just needs to learn to self soothe

Even when we leave him to self soothe he just doesn't. So we try to stay with him until he falls asleep but he shouts out again the second he realises we're gone.

I've been awake for 3 hours now with him. We both have work in the morning, this is killing us.

I can't stop crying because I'm at my wits end. DH and I have been on survival mode for weeks, we're too tired to do anything and we're just miserable.

Cana doctor or health visitor help with this kind of thing?

Sorry you're going through the same thing x

When you say sleep training do you mean just letting him cry it out?

We've tried that out of desperation but worry that our DD can hear and he sounds so distressed it's like torture so we end up going into him

Is he properly awake? Could it be night terrors? My DC2 was a terrible sleeper. I just let her sleep in with me as soon as she woke, would that help? Does he need socks in bed if that's one of the things waking him up?

Let him co sleep when he wakes up. He won’t do it forever. He will potter in, climb in and you’ll all just fall back to sleep and wake up together. They grow out of it and learn to self settle in their own beds. But it takes all the hassle out of sleeping, when everyone is tired.

I think he's had night terrors before, but yes most of the time he is properly awake. I don't know how, he must be so tired.

We have tried not putting socks on him but he throws a massive paddy and will take them out the drawer himself before going to bed. He is such a happy, funny, lovely chap during the day but he's just awful at night. He's very particular how he wants things. He also goes to bed with a handful of toys - again we have tried to stop this but he just screams and screams

He sounds frightened and in need of reassurance. Not that you aren't trying everything under the sun already but I suppose he doesn't want to be left. 😬

Honestly for your sanity just let him Co sleep then at least you will all get a decent amount of sleep. It won't be forever.

sleep deprivation is torture 😢

as @RettyPriddle says, would you co-sleep in your bed @rootsandwings89?

alternating between yourself and husband (assuming your son has his own room and single bed)

these may also be useful for errant sock loss
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Children-NBNNIGHTSUIT-Toddler-Sleepers-Melange/dp/B0973S8YB9/

eta; not sure why you have an issue with the toys, just gathering his comfort around him, possibly?

OP call your Health Visitor tomorrow - yes they can help and have trained sleep support

Solidarity. My 2.5 year old is the same. We do co-sleep but that doesn’t change it. I was cosleeping with her till had baby a few weeks ago now my partner is doing it. Newborn is a better sleeper and doesn’t demand toys, drinks, whatever. I fear it is just developmental I’ve almost given up looking for solutions. My DP is away for work the next 4 nights I’m terrified and I’ve got a night nanny…to help with baby (easy) so I can deal with toddler!

I also don’t think it’s a reaction to the baby, she’s always been a bad sleeper. Initially she slept better for my partner than she did for me…but she’s particularly bad now.

Goodness me, this sounds tough...so sorry to hear it.

Just know that as with most things, this too will pass.

Hang on in there, be kind to yourselves, don't put pressure on yourselves..

And ofc, take it in turns to feel the heat of the nighttimes...one night his, one night yours...even if the means sleeping in separate rooms.

BY Christmas this will be a distant memory...x

Ds 2 I would you tube,age appropriate sleep hypnosis story..then leave radio barely audible,but on all night. Can uze double up,night about,will he settle you/da there?

I have bad sleepers too.

Put him in your bed, stick a screen on and turn over and go to sleep. It's the only way I've survived. I dont know many adults who don't have TV in their room so the kids will be fine.

Mine were super bad sleepers too. I used to inwardly laugh when someone suggested "shhhh pat" or gradual retreat as they didn't get my child was on in their bed awake and screaming.

It was soul destroying, exhausting and I turned down a job offer due to it 😬.

With one child she had night terrors and just woke lots but also got tonsillitis and it turned out to be sleep apnea. Does your child snore at all? Or mouth breath /dribble more than friends? Honestly I thought I'd tried all the "techniques" and she was just waking frightened as when she had her tonsils and adenoids out she slept so much better.

However both my kids ended up having periods of cosleeping. When one of them was anxious in covid and a bit big/wriggly to be in my bed we ended up with a "readybed" stowed in my room so she could walk in and curl up when she needed comfort. It started with her walk in and us putting her in the ready bed and then she'd do herself - but she was older at this stage.

Both sleep through now, or settle themselves. It won't be forever but it was a lot longer than expected or it seemed for anyone else at the time!!

I my case they've also both ended up being neurodiverse but diagnosed much later, it wasn't obvious when they were small. I don't say this as a suggestion at all but more to point out that other things can be going on and it's not just a "wilful child". In our case when we did try a form of sleep training it didn't work and was heartbreaking. But with later information we realised she was both processing the world differently AND had sleep apnea so it wasn't going to work. She needed the comfort.

I’m also on the bring-him-into-your-bed bus. With DD1 we were militant with her sleep routine and never let her co sleep; she always slept great and we proudly congratulated ourselves on our successful parenting and excellent choices.

DS2 came along and we did exactly the same thing, expecting the same results. Turned out DD1 was just a great sleeper in spite of our ‘great’ parenting/sleep choices. 🤣🫣😱DS2, on the other hand, was just a different person and just couldn’t catch his sleep/settle in the same way. We started to break all our own rules with DD1 and brought him into our bed when he woke and that really helped to give him reassurance and we all started to get a little more sleep - not hugely but definitely better.

A step change came for him, though, when we started to make him self soothe to sleep initially. To be fair, we just left him crying until he finally relented and went to sleep. We put a white noise machine in DD1 room to try to mask the noise. Some nights it took an hour of crying but once he got the hang of this, he would regularly sleep through.

no idea how it will turn out with DD3 who is currently asleep on my shoulder 🫣😅

just do whatever works to try to get a bit more sleep; maybe even you and hubby take it in turns getting a full nights sleep by one of you sleeping on the couch until this phase passes. It will pass. Sending hugs xxx

We are are cosleeping (one parent in DD’s room so we don’t have to deal with trying to persuade her to sleep in another room later on) but she still wakes up either hysterical or ridiculously playful. Screen time can break the tantrumming (eventually) but then she moves onto bouncing off the walls for two hours.

I will be looking to sleep hypnosis - @tolerable thank you.

My eldest was like this for years, until he wasn't.
My second co slept and whilst he still woke up he never cried.
I don't know why I resisted consenting so much first time around.
My you gets now sleeps in his own bed and I wish he'd come back in with me 😂🙈

Would you consider consenting OP? It doesn't last forever!

Sympathies OP, my youngest was a shit sleeper as a toddler after being pretty good as a baby, which was just mean of her!

I think co sleeping would have helped her, but I just never wanted to start it. However, you might want to consider it? Also let him bring as many toys to bed as he wants, they're comforting for them. If you don't want to bedshare, would you consider a mattress on the floor in his room for you? You could take it in turns.

Incidentally, please don't use paddy to mean tantrum. I'm sure you're unaware, but it's an anti-Irish phrase with racist origins.