4 year old still coming into our bed

[RosiePosey33]

My son is 4 and for the last 6 months I'd say he has been waking up in the middle of the night, sometimes very earlier and coming into our bed to sleep.

We've tried a reward chart for staying in his own bed but it didn't work.

He really wants bunk beds and to have a sleepover with my friend's daughter but I've told him none of this can happen unless he stays in his own bed.

We've tried putting him back into his own bed but it ends up in an almighty battle in the middle of the night and we are all exhausted or he wants us to lie on the floor until he falls asleep again and then he will inevitably be back in our bed anyway later.

He is a very early riser so I let him stay in our bed to get some sleep but it needs to stop now.

Is there any other way other than just putting him back each time and having the battle ?

The thought kills me !!

This was me 6 months ago.

What worked - nightlight make sure it's on. Favourite cuddly toy.
Glowing things (she was worried about monsters)
Little paper hearts so she knew I'd been checking in on her.

Why does this bother you so much? My 8 year old still ends up in my bed some nights but I have a super king so don’t even notice half the time. If it was a double it might annoy me more!

There we go then you've answered your question

No advice but placemarking

My 4 year old also ends up in my bed every night. Reward charts aren't working, he has a nightlight too. At the moment I'm choosing which battles to pick but it's something I need to sort. Mostly because he grinds his teeth in his sleep and I can't stand it 😂

Our ds got in bed with us for years, he used to have night terrors. Dh is soft and therefore I insisted he had him on his side.

You could put a stair gate on his bedroom door but he’ll probably call out for you for a while. The key is consistency, he’s either allowed in or he’s not.

I just gave up, got DD a small double bed and if she wakes up and calls for me, I just get in with her.

Would a compromise be worth trying?

How about putting a duvet and pillow on the floor and saying that if your ds wakes up in the night, he isn't allowed in your bed but he can sleep on the floor next to your bed so that he's close to you.

When dd was little, she seemed to spend most nights sleeping anywhere but in her own bed and one of the places that she liked to make up a bed was on the floor in our bedroom.

Does he know how to go to sleep by himself? If he isn’t falling asleep alone in the dark at bedtime then zero chance he’ll do it in the middle of the night. So if that applies tackle that first. But unfortunately I expect if you want to stop it then you’ll have to go through the battle. They can be logical about it when you discuss with them during the day and promise something big ticket for 5 stickers or whatever but they won’t be logical when they wake up at 3am. Alternatively if you don’t want the battle then make the set up comfortable e.g. get him a double bed so you can get in with him and then it becomes less of an issue.

This. We gave our DS our old double when we got a new one and it's been a game changer. He hardly calls me anymore but at least when he does I can get in with him and everyone has a reasonable night's sleep.

I do this too. 6 year old. I wouldnt worry, theyll grow out if it. We comfort them in the daylight hours when they need it, why not in the dark when its more scary for kids?

Our 7 year old started coming in at night after Starting reception. We tried to encourage her to sleep in her own bed, but then I decided that if she needed to sleep with us to feel safe then we should try and accommodate it. So we compromised by creating a floor bed next to ours. Then one random day about 6m ago she just announced one day she wanted to sleep in her own bed and that's been the arrangement ever since. I miss it in a way- they are only little for such a short period of time.

@Businessflake super king bed over here too but he's the most restless sleeper ever!!

I get kicked in the face, kicked in the back, he pulls the covers off, cries to , covered back up, sings at 5am

@Downandout21 I think this is the next step but I really want some sleep alone

@cariadlet if feel cruel asking him to sleep on the floor :( our bed is big enough for him but he's restless and an early riser.

I wouldn't mind if he came into our bed and slept but he doesn't :(

@InTheRainOnATrain yep he falls asleep independently and has done for years since we sleep trained him at 1! It's literally only the past 5-6 months he's started coming in and not leaving.

He used to come in when he was poorly or under the weather but he would transition back in to his own but bur he just haven't left

My 9 year old was very similar... she would have genuine tantrums and was so reluctant to sleep alone when younger. We just had to give in most of the time! She only grew out of it by around age 6 and she's actually quite a good sleeper now.

Same situation here but I’m just letting him go with it, starting school is such a huge milestone I figure he’s just after the comfort and I’ll miss him when he goes. Only problem is our 1yo has now started joining him too. Never had us down as a Co sleeping family but here we are!

Oh no this sounds like my youngest. He sleeps diagonally as well. Asks us questions at 5am like what's 5x5? Or some other obscure thing. Sometimes it's singing God love him. He's the reason we bought a bigger bed. He's just more clingy than the others were and I don't have any advice because I'm in the thick of it still (he's 5).

DS was like this at that age, he would come in every single night. I just put a mattress and bedding for him on the floor next to my side of the bed rather than fighting it. He's now 10 and currently next to me in bed as DH is away. He sleeps fine on his own, but every time DH is away he will ask to come in. I think some children just like to be close.

My DC fell in love with a particular toy and we told them they would have to save up for it and we'd give them £1 each night they spent in their own bed. They really really wanted that toy, so it worked (to my surprise), and they'd manage three days before wanting to come in to our bed again, then repeat.

So 75% successful. Now they've got the toy, but it's normalised sleeping in their own room more.