4 month old terrible sleep!!

[SillySausage20]

Please remind me this gets better!!
DS 4 months old, EBF - for the last 2 weeks has been waking at night EVERY.SINGLE.HOUR :(
I've been leaving him in the bedside cot for a few minutes to see if he'll settle but he ends up crying and waking DD age 5.

I then resort to BF each time, which he'll feed for a few mins and then put him back to his cot awake and he'll settle back to sleep until the next hour. And then repeat. ALL NIGHT.

Im exhausted 😩 Ive got no family/friend support through the day and DH does nothing to help at night- wont even sleep in the same room as " he needs his sleep" ...but thats another argument.

HV advice is to not feed each time he wakens but I'm too tired to try anything different.

He had been having 3-4 naps a day in his cot or on the go if out, totalling around 3-4 hrs. He'd be pretty easy to put down for a nap, as long as he wasnt overtired.
The last 2 days hes barely napped. 😪

First off- solidarity. We've just come our of this phase and it was hideous.

Secondly: Your DH needs to pull his weight. That is a statement, not a suggestion. Having your level of sleep deprivation on a sustained basis is potentially dangerous when looking after a small child which I presume you are doing the majority of! I'm not saying this to scare you, more for how to phrase it to him. Unless he is a surgeon or operates heavy machinery for his job, he needs sleep exactly as much as you do, if not less. As a friend in the same situation said to me: if my partner doesn't sleep, he might f* up a spreadsheet. If I don't sleep, I might accidentally leave the baby on a changing table. At best the baby has mummy crying on her all day which isnt great either!

I'm pleased to day that the sleep situ could very well get better by itself quite quickly. For us we had 2 weeks of what you're describing- roughly hourly wakeups, sometimes more or less but like 6-10 a night. Then suddenly she has gone back to her old pattern of sleeping longer blocks of about 3-4 hours. Which is totally doable! Happened overnight, as did the beginning of the regression.

During those two weeks the cot was suddenly lava, naps were a nightmare, and I certainly resorted to feeding to sleep more often than she needed to eat. BUT that's where a partner comes in handy! They can't smell the milk on your partner so they will often be able to get the baby to sleep by rocking or patting which is good as it means that they have a variety of sleep associations. During the regression I could only feed her to sleep but partner could rock her. Now we are through it, she lets me rock her or pat her to sleep too unless she is really hungry.

During those two weeks we slept shifts. One did 8pm until first feed after 2am and then we switched, with DH bringing her to me for feeds or giving her a bottle if I wanted to sleep through- breastfeeding is well established now so skipping the odd feed wont hurt if she can take a bottle from your partner. Shift sleeping on sofa bed is annoying but honestly has saved us. Each person gets 5-6 hours sleep guaranteed, and it helps the baby learn to sleep with a variety of associations and carers.

I recognise that battling your partner is the last thing you need right now so if you can't do this right now, know that it's fine to feed to sleep each time if you have to, the baby will learn to sleep better and without boob developmentally in any case sooner or later. Its just that for the sake of your sanity it would help to be sooner and DH could help with that.

On the regression- it wasn't anything we did, she just one day started sleeping longer again. And it was only 2 weeks so stay strong! Of course all babies are different and if it goes on ages you could sleep train or something (plus baby sleep isnt linear etc and soon teething or illness or development will break it again- which is why its good to have shift system or alternate wakeups to fall back on with your partner).

Good luck!

Poor advice from HV! Of course you can feed at every wake… it’s usually the easiest and quickest way to get them back to sleep! Why make it harder on yourself?! Plus night weaning isn’t advised till 12 months!
can you co sleep? Obviously look up safe guidelines but this can be a life saver for some! (Me included)
And yes agree with PP, your partner needs to pull his weight!! Can he take baby for an hour or two in early hours of morning so you can get some rest?
You will get past this! 4 months is notoriously difficult for feeding and sleep.

Thank you both for taking the time to reply. Solidarity means a lot. I also know that this will not last forever however I am really struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Each night is worse then the last.

Last night DS was up for 2 hours in the middle of the night. Finally got him to sleep then an hour later wide awake again. And soaked. So new clothes, sheets etc and another hour wide awake :( and then every hour until 6.30 when DD woke. All whilst (D!!)H slept soundly on the sofa.

I have tried co-sleeping but DS still wakes hourly. I also struggle to sleep with him next to me, even when the bed is clear. I tried a bottle of formula last night out of desperation which he point blank refused but happily took a 2min BF. Even gave him calpol and teething powder to rule that out.

So fed up :( DD was never this bad a sleeper :(

4 months sleep regression hit ours like a tonne of bricks. We waited 10 weeks and still waking every 25 - 45 minutes, so at 6.5 moths old we sleep trained. Not for everyone, but absolutely life saving for us. Sleeping through the night the majority of the time ever since.

I think the problem is feeding to sleep you need to separate feeding and sleeping otherwise every time they wake they will need that to soothe them to sleep

Can I ask what you dod to sleep train? Now 3 weeks unto this and each night is worse.

Think im going to lose my mind

I think it’s probably too early to sleep train.
are you able to express or would you give some formula now.
DH swopped about so he would do 7/8-11pm and then a bit in the morning so I could sleep. I then did all the overnights. Meant we both got enough sleep.
when I had enough sleep I did all the household stuff and made dinner etc so his evenings were free to have DD whilst I went to bed. You need to find a way fo make it work.

The feeding to sleep is not the problem. It’s normal and natural.
The partner is the problem! you need more help and he needs to start pulling his weight.
ultimately it’s up to you what you do but at 4 months your baby is still so young… milk and comfort is what your baby needs not being ignored and left to cry. Can he start rocking/soothing the baby at night?
I’m so sorry sleep deprivation is the worst, believe me I have been there! Good luck and I hope whatever you do it improves xx

Feed back to sleep each time it's the fastest way. Baby needs your husband to step up to help you here. At some point baby will sleep for two hours say 5-7am, and you should go in the spare room with white noise on and let husband have a turn.

It doesn't last. You literally have a helpless tiny human and your husband's main focus should be mothering the mother.

Omg I'm going though exactly the same and I feel like I'm going to die. My husband would be willing to help but I've tried rocking her to sleep and it never works so figured it was easier to just feed back to sleep and at least we're all asleep again quickly. I've started co sleeping because she just will not go in her next to me (even though she has since birth) but I do not want to do this long term. My husband takes her in the morning so I can get a couple of blissful hours but it's not enough and not sustainable.

Has it improved for you at all? It started getting worse for us 4 weeks ago but the hourly wakes have been going on for two.

Any advice from others?? I'm so scared this won't end.

Ive had 3 weeks of hourly wake ups now! :(
Still BF-ing to sleep each time as it's the quickest and easiest way for me and him to get back to sleep! If I've tried to rock, shush-pat etc him it just seems to keep him up for longer and I end up going back to BF! Im resorting to co-sleeping at times also but dont want this to be a long term thing!

He woke last night at 1am, I left him in the next to me whilst I went downstairs to get a bottle of expressed milk (never done it before but willing to try anything)

By the time I got back upstairs he had fallen back to sleep. Albeit he woke again at 2am but when he BF that time, he seemed to take a bigger feed and slept for 2hrs!

He naps well during the day so I need to start napping when he does, especially when my DD is at school!

We used a method where we would check on her and stroke her back until she stopped crying (she stopped immediately so we would stay for max 30 seconds) after 2 mins, then go back again after 2.5 if she cried again, then 3 mins and so on until you reach 5 minutes and then keep going back every 5 minutes. Except she never stayed awake for long enough for us to get to 5 minutes!

Night one involved 12 minutes of crying - including our 4 visits to calm her it was over in 20 mins and she slept 7 hours before waking.

Night 2 involved 7 minutes of crying and 3 visits followed by 9 hours of sleep before she woke, and Night 3 it took her 3 minutes and one visit to get her to sleep and she slept for 11 hours. The next night she fell asleep in 1 min 50 seconds and slept all night again. After that she went to sleep without crying at all and since then has slept through 95% of the time with a few hiccups when she was going through a nap transition or developmental leap or teething or illness (you can't sleep train those things away!)

We realised after a few days that since she didn't wake at night anymore, we had to make sure she got all her calories in the day otherwise she would be missing food!

We realise we had it easy and that not all sleep training is this quick or successful. If you decide to do it, the first thing to consider is how long you can let your little one cry before going in to calm them. My friend and her partner decided 17 minutes was their max, but we were not happy leaving our little one that long so we opted for the method i outlined above. You also need to decide what to do when you enter their room - we opted not to pick her up, just to stroke her in the cot.

I get the point that feeding to sleep is natural etc etc etc etc etc etc etc but considering our baby went from waking every 25 - 45 minutes to sleeping for 7 hours straight on night one, it was clear that she didn't actually need feeding every 25 - 45 minutes. Sometimes she would throw up breast milk after a feed as she was being fed too much and wasn't waking and crying to feed - she was waking and crying because she couldn't self soothe.

I had a hard line on not sleep training before she hit 6 months old, so after 10 weeks of hell, at 6 months and 10 days old, we did what I outlined above. The other option was to put me on antidepressants, and we decided that trying sleep training for a few days was preferable to having a clinically depressed and medicated mum for months or even years.
Good luck whatever you decide to do. There is not a right answer, only the answer that's right for you and your family. xx

Oh god OP I could have written this post. Just sending support and solidarity. I hope many of these mums replying are right and that our babes will just turn a corner soon. It’s so bloody tough.

Tonight we’ll try playing brown noise, and I’m going to ask my partner to try rocking him.

Although in my experience it doesn’t settle him, and we also have the added issue of waking a child of school age, one who is very knackered and adjusting to big school.

My baby also won’t take a bottle of expressed milk annoyingly. And he’s not hungry, just using me as a giant human dummy.

good luck!!

My DS managed to sleep 4.5hr straight last night, the 1st time in a long time! Only real difference was putting him in a longer sized sleeping bag 🤔 or maybe just got lucky! Not expecting the same tonight!

Try getting your husband to rock her to sleep- it may work! During the depths of the regression ours would be rocked to sleep by her father but not me as she knew i was the milk machine and would not accept anything else from me. It was useful as now we're out of it she that association too and will let me rock her to sleep if she's not actually hungry.

Well done! Funnily enough ours had a horrendous nights sleep last night, worst in ages, and i wondered if it's because she was in a bigger sleep sack for the first time and didn't feel as cosy! I mean she's also got a cold so could be that but we were back to hourly screams. Hope that doesn't last!

They do keep you guessing eh...

This sounds very sensible and something we would consider if ours sleep gets worse again. Its all very well for people to get high and mighty about sleep training being cruel but sometimes it really does come down to... is it worse for a kid to have a few stressful nights or months of stressful days which is surelywhat would result from having exhausted parents. Especially for those of us who for practical/medical reasons cannot bed share.

How funny! Had a couple of longer stretches again last night- tends to be the very start and very end of the night! In between is still hourly wake ups though:( DS also now full of the cold!
The last 2 days hes only had 2 naps in the day- a little 30min nap in the morning- usually when in the car and then a long afternoon nap of 2.5hr! He refuses a 3rd nap even thought hes shattered so I have had to put him to bed earlier each night (around 6.15pm)

Nearly a month on and still having terrible nights. He used to have great naps during the day but they have now dropped to 30mins.
Soul destroying 💔

I would really really recommend Hannah loves sleep course (sleep well with Hannah) honestly I nearly had a break down at 4 months my DD would only sleep if walked and rocked to sleep and could t put her down . She is a qualified nurse and has nutrition qualifications so she addresses sleep and feeds its amazing she has a Facebook group you can join as well I can't recommend it enough and it's so gentle there's no cry it out .

I'm so sorry to hear this and I remember how hard it was to get by. It really is torture. I hope it passes soon!