Please help - 8.5 month old still waking 5 times per night

[tomatosalt]

My 8.5 month old wakes every 1.5-3 hours overnight for a breastfeed and will not resettle for me without one. He will resettle for my partner if he pats him but will then only sleep for one hour. He naps 30 minutes in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon and self settles for all naps and bedtime (if he cries it is no more than 10 minutes).

I have tried letting him cry during a night wake but despite regular check ins he was still going after 1.5 hours and disturbing my older child so I had to stop. I just don’t know where to go from here. I have been calm and accepting of it up to this point but my eldest started sleeping 11 hours through the night at this age so I now feel panicked that it will never end.

On the odd occasion I have let him sleep longer during the day, he has had the worst nights sleep so I don’t think he is overtired. I am considering cutting his daytime sleep down to 2 hours (30 + 90 minutes). In the past 5 weeks we have upped the solids to three meals a day and he eats quite well.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can improve things?

I would suggest kindly that you were, lucky with your eldest.

My suggestion, with the best intentions, is not to leave baby to cry for 1.5hrs at night 😔 Separation anxiety is just around the corner I think, if not already here for you. Could also be teething pain that wakes them, or hunger (they're still early in their weaning journey after all), or cold as the weather has turned etc etc.

Baby won't wake at night forever, they'll sleep through when they are ready. My eldest was 2y3m ish, my youngest now 17m has slept through for 10 consecutive nights about 6 weeks ago! That felt like winning at life!

I would only cap naps if baby was struggling to get to sleep at bedtime.

Continue being calm and accepting, knowing that it will end at some point.

Check he doesn't have worms or sore ears, UTI etc..

Every second wake up - have your partner settle him.
Then have your partner attend to two wake ups and you only every third wake up.
Gradually he might get the message that, at night, you will not be coming to feed him.
Make sure he has a substantial dinner of protein and vegetables, and a big drink about 8 pm and then aim at only feeding him after 6 am.

I agree with PP, it sounds like you got very lucky with DC1 and have unrealistic expectations for this little one.

It's totally normal for them to wake a few times a night at this age.

My 10 month old is the same, but I'll give her a quick feed or cuddle and she's back asleep in a few minutes.

With my first, he slept through from about 2, so I'm hoping she'll be quicker!

Hmm I have to disagree. I don't think waking that much is normal at that age . Especially not for feeding.

What other nap combos have you tried and what times are they falling?
My boy is the same age and we are roughly....

6.30am wake
9am - 10am nap
1pm - 3pm nap
6.30pm bedtime

@JumpstartMondays @ClementineSatsuma

I know there is a lot of rhetoric online, particularly in breastfeeding support groups, that promotes the idea that multiple night wakes are normal and that parents (i e. mothers) should just feed back to sleep at every wake. This is extremely detrimental to most women’s mental health. There are plenty of nap routines and sleep training methods that improve the number of night wakings.
I tried a form of controlled crying. Lots of people use this with success but it does not work for us. This is why I am here asking for help and support. If you don’t agree with sleep training in general then why comment?

@tomatosalt
I suppose one person's "rhetoric" is another's reality.
We both offered our advice, whether or not you wanted it.
Don't worry, I've made note of your username and won't bother in the future.

Edited to add: And with my first, I actually found it very comforting to know others at a similar stage were going through similar and I wasn't doing anything "wrong". So my message was in solidarity, whether appreciated or not.

What happens when he settles for your partner if your partner goes for the 2nd wake up after an hour too? NIght weaning/cutting night feeds is generally more successful if it's 'boring daddy' that goes every time for 2-3 nights.

@tomatosalt you didn't ask for sleep training support, you asked for suggestions on improving night wakings.

Perhaps be more specific.

You're welcome for the suggestions, btw.

Mine was the same at 8.5 months, I now think separation anxiety and habit were playing a part.

We had lots of false starts, including a horrible situation with a sleep consultant who just would not take my feedback on board. I think the two things that helped were

co-sleeping (it was this or me sleeping on the nursery floor)

swapping the naps around to have a longer morning nap and a shorter afternoon nap

Good luck