Controlled Crying

[GoldenFleece]

My 8 motnh old has been a pretty great sleeper, in the last couple of months she has woken every 3rd night or so and will easily go back to sleep having had a feed. However she has now become a monster and refuses to go back to sleep at whatever time she wakes. I have tried feeding her, rocking her and even bringing her into our bed (this never failed before) however to no avail. SO I am now trying controlled crying but it's hell! On the first night she finally fell asleep after 2 hours, then 2nd night after 1hr 45, last night we had no issues and tonight she has just started. The problem seems to be that she gets SO angry she thrashes around the cot. Is this normal and something I should persist with? Or is there something I have missed?

This is just my opinion but I wouldn't carry on with the controlled crying - not at 8mths. Too young and can leave them feeling abandoned. I would try the pick up put down method. When she cries, go in, pick her up and reassure her until she stops, then put her back down and leave the room. Keep doing this - it may take quite a lot of trips in and out and a few nights, but its better imo than c.crying and their needs are being met iyswim

Also, have you got a night light? DS hated the dark and when he woke up in the dark he was hysterical. He's a lot better now we have a night light for him

I know it is the last thing I wanted to resort to but it seems that very little calms her for long. One of the reasons I resorted to this method was that she is also doing it during the day if I don't pick her up when she wants or if I walk out of sight for too long - the angry screaming and foot stamping that is. Is she too young at 8 months to have developed a temper? (shock)

Good point re the light I will give it a go.

Ahh, it sounds like separation anxiety to me. DS went through it and its very normal.

As they become more aware of the world around them - they see you come and they see you go but they can't process just yet that when you leave the room - it is just that - leaving the room to go downstairs or something. In their little minds, you've just gone and they don't know you are coming back. This is where the pick up put down works as you reassure them that yes, I am here and I will come back for you - iyswim?

OK so it is more about reassurance than anything else? Will give it a go. THank you. Anything has got to be better than hearing her cry for 2 hours.

Well, I've only got the one so I'm no expert but it really does sound like separation anxiety to me! Reassuring her you are there should work! Let me know how you get on though!

Mothercare do good nightlights btw - they turn themselves off when it gets light too!

hi golden fleece.
We too are going to have to do some version of controlled crying within next week or two as I am due back at work very soon and dh will have to put ds1 and 2 to bed alone !5 yr old is ok but my 9mth son either needs patting to sleep then putting into cot or falls asleep whilst feeding. He then invariably wakes up howling anything between 10 mins or 2 hrs later and the whole thing starts again!
Have to say we did cc with 1st son and it did actually work. I started it with daytime naps initially and seeing it be effective gave me the confidence to continue. He is now an excellent sleeper and is certainly not emotionally damaged from the experience !

Spoke to my h/v about it and she reckoned that you can tailor the method to your own needs so if you can only tolerate 3 mins of the crying you go in after 3 mins. I suppose the whole idea is that you are not actually abandoning the child to cry it out but going in reguarly and comforting him. Tbh I tried the pick up/put down method with ds2 but found it made him worse... H/V also suggested that after a short period of doing it, you wipe their nose, offer a drink of water then continue...at least you can reassure yourself that they are not thirsty etc.
I just keep trying to convince myself thatI am going to be teaching him how to fall asleep naturally without the constant wakings which are probably more unhealthy in the long run !! good luck anyway louise.

We are trying CC method at this very moment....very hard, think I have cried as much as DD (14mths) this evening....she is screaming blue murder as I type this, been going since 8pm!(now 9.50pm). How long are you supposed to go for? all night??

Hey. I did controlled crying with ds, and please don't all pounce on me for being cruel and abandoning him, but I did it at 4.5months. I was at my wits end and was sitting with him for 2 ours a night!
A friend told me about cc and did say it not reccommended b4 6m but I did it anyway and we had prob sorted in 4 days and haven't looked back since.
If he wakes now or is tough to settle I don't pick him up unless he ill or need nappy change. I place a reassuring hand on him and talk for a bit, but don't want him to know that I'll pick him up everytime he cries as then it'd rub off into day time and I'd never get anything done.
My hv did tell me I was cruel for leaving him to cry if I'm busy but it's never for more thn 15mins.

If an 8 month old is screaming when her mother goes out of sight it is becashe she is suffering from separation anxiety. She is frightened an lonely and is scared you will never come back. She only realized a short time ago that you and her are separate people - of course she's worries that you will never come back. Reassure her, cuddle her - she's not developing a temper - she's developing fear. even most people who believe in controlled crying think it's suitable for over 1s only.

I just wanted to say regarding controlled crying (and I'm sure you know this so feel free to ignore me) that the whole point of it being 'contolled' is that (as louise66 said above) you don't abandon the baby. You go back in every 5 mins or so, say a few soothing words and lie them back down then go out again after 30 secs or so (the pick up put down method is very similar really, but I found that if I went through the whole pick up thing it just took me back to square one and she kicked off worse again, I was better just to go in and out). The point of going back in constantly is to help allay their separation anxiety - i.e.they learn that you DO always come back, however long it takes. People often seem to think that CC means just leaving babies to cry but it isn't at all.

I agree it is pretty horrendous while you do it but most people do find it works pretty quickly if you stick to it. It does usually take 3 or 4 nights. If you had no issues last night then hopefully it's beginning to work, so i'd say don't give up just yet..... Give it a little longer and hopefully you will see some improvement.

Tonight was our first night of CC it took 2 hours and 10 mins...it was very hard, but my DH and I feel it will be worth it in the end.(and hopefully will be less tomorrow night) We have not had a full nights sleep together in the last 3 months. I am surviving on less than when LO was first born!(14 mths ago) Although it would have probably been easier before DD could stand up in her cot

Good luck with whatever route you choose