1 Year Old only wants to sleep in the bed with me at night

[DaisyDooox]

My 1 year old has got in to the bad habit of waking up pretty much every other hour and stands up in his cot whining to be picked up and to sleep in my arms in bed with me. His cot is right next to me in our bedroom. All throughout the night I laid him back down and comfort him with putting my hand on his chest / back but after an hour the painful process repeats itself 😣 It's really taking a toll on me and my partners extreme lack of sleep sleep and our patience is wearing very thin 😣 any suggestions?

It isn't unusual. Bed sharing when we'd tried so hard to avoid it ended up saving our sanity. In fact, my now 6 year old went back to bed sharing for about a year when she was 5. She's back in her own bed now but still sometimes needs someone to sleep next to her if she wakes up in the middle of the night.

Dont give up! Putting him in bed might seem the nice thing to do (to get some ZZzzs) but is so dangerous and he will expect it so will take much longer to get him to sleep in his own cot/bed.

Do you have a spare room as you could set him up in there and unless he is balling his eyes out then let him settle (it could be being beside you that he can see you so will expet to be picked up every time) You could then take it in turns with your partner to go in...sit and settle him down and then creep back to bed.

Pretty standard. He's tiny. Not really natural for a child that young to be alone for 12 hours a night. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's annoying. But it doesn't last forever (having said that my 9 year old occasionally needs a cuddle from me to fall asleep...)

Why don't you want him to sleep in with you? I found when cosleeping my child would often go back to sleep immediately because he knew he was with me. Not always, but it was much more restful than trying to resettle him in a cot.

Do you have a room set up for him? I would honestly transfer his cot into there and get him used to sleeping alone. I have never bed shared though, so for me that seems a simple task. It will be harder for you, and him, as he is not used to self settle. It's a good skill though, and needs to be learnt.

It's not that I don't want him sleeping with us but just don't want to get in a terrible habit that he never can sleep on his own during the night x

Same here. Been like that since she was 6 months old. She’s 15 months old today and we start every night in the cot. When she was about 13 months she had her first all nighter in her cot in her own room, and we are up to 3 or 4 a week. She’s just started nursery so bugs - she’s with me every night when she’s sick - and occasionally right from the start of the night if she’s feeling particularly rotten. Luckily she’s learned to sleep if the TV is on so I’m managing to get through some decent box sets.

It must be hard for him to fathom why you're there but not there (if you see what I mean, as in, he's allowed so close but he's on the other side of the cot. It probably doesn't make sense to him). Does he settle for the night once in with you?

Tbh I would bring him in bed with you but always start in his. I am a huge co-sleeping fan, of the view that they're only small for a short time. I also sent my husband to the spare room for a while but I know that is not for everyone. Alternatively you could try him in his own room but that could also make things worse. It is hard but he's only small still.

I promise you it won’t last forever. Some little ones just need more support than others to sleep and eventually sleep alone. If you are happy to bed share other than your fear of a bad habit developing then just do it (safely).

My older brother slept alone from day 1 with no problems. I did not and my mum just went with it. She always gave me the option of my cot/bed to start with but didn’t have an issue if I ended up with her. I grew out of it. I’m doing the same with my DD - giving her the option of being by herself but co-sleeping if she needs it. Currently that’s every night but I know it’ll be fine as she gets older and more confident/independent.

Do whatever makes you happy and your life easier. If co-sleeping isn’t working then get help from a gentle sleep expert (not a CIO one). Parenting is hard enough!

Co sleeping is not dangerous!

Ahh 1yr old...good point...think younger than 1 is not recommended to cosleep.

Take the side of the cot off and slide him back over once he’s asleep. They grow out of it. Eventually.

This, make sure there is no gap, you may need to put a rolled up blanket to fill. This way everyone has their own space.

Im also a big fan of cosleeping. DD was with me until the age of 3 when she wanted her own room, she is a great sleeper and developed ‘adult’ sleep patterns, so no 6.00am wakings.

"It's not that I don't want him sleeping with us but just don't want to get in a terrible habit that he never can sleep on his own during the night x"

How many teenagers do you know who want to sleep in their parents bed?
It's normal for a 12 month old to want to be close to his parents.
My youngest was terrible for it but she sleeps in her own room now (she's 9).
I would honestly let him sleep with you- settle him in his own bed but if he wants to get in with you at night let him. It's not dangerous to Co sleep with a 12 month old and you will all get more sleep.

This... my DD14 co-slept routinely until she was 3, and intermittently until she was 5 or 6. She'd now be horrified at the very idea. It doesn't last forever.