Struggling with BF and sleep

[mumtoababygirl]

Baby is 16w old and has been EBF since birth. In a lot of ways it’s been a dream, she took to it easily, even with a tongue tie that was cut at 3w.

When she was around 11w old, something changed and she started sleeping terribly at night. She’ll sleep for 2 hours initially then might sleep in 1 hour stretches. She feeds lots, it’s the only way I can get her to fall asleep. I end up most nights bringing her into bed with me but I hate co sleeping.

She’s never slept well during the day. Contact naps only and even then for short bursts. She averages about 8h sleep in 24 hours.

Since then she has also increased the lengths of her feeds.

The longest she’ll go between feeds is an hour, and she can easily feed for an hour each time.

She’s also dropped from 60th to 9th for her weight so she’s having extra weigh ins, although does seem to be tracking now so far.

In general she’s a happy baby who is developing well.

But I’m just absolutely miserable since all this. The lack of sleep/co sleeping is making me so depressed and anxious. I love breastfeeding her but I hate it as well. No one I know has ever been successful at it so I feel really grateful that I was able to do it. I don’t want to stop but I just want her to sleep and not have her constantly latched to me.

I love her so much and was so happy up until her sleep changed. I feel now like I’m failing her, like I must be doing something really wrong and like I don’t know what I’m doing and messing everything up. Her sleep and feeding feel like they just get worse every day. I don’t know what to do.

I could have written this exact post when my LO was that age. She's 15 months now, and we're still breastfeeding, and she's still waking in the night. She also only naps for an hour, so she's low sleep needs.

I just wanted to say you're doing amazing and well done for sticking with BF. It's bloody hard ! And exhausting! But in some ways, it's easier as you'll always have a way to settle your baby.

It does get easier! I know everyone says that, and maybe it doesn't help right now, but you really don't need to change anything, and she'll just start sleeping longer and longer till she sleeps through. They all do eventually!

In the meantime, all you can do is look after yourself and rest whenever you can. Can your partner take her in the mornings so you can get some sleep?

Could she be cluster feeding? How long has she been like this for?

Do you have a local NHS infant feeding support worker that you could contact to chat over the changes in feeding? This could be linked to why she isn't sleeping so much.

Around the 4 month mark is a really tough time for breastfeeding and sleep. It’s so hard but honestly you are doing an absolute amazing job and it will get better. You have done a fantastic job getting this far especially with a tongue tie!
Do you want to carry on breastfeeding? What do you not like about cosleeping?
Here is an article about 4 month olds and breastfeeding just to give you an idea that at this stage a lot of people find breastfeeding hard, you are not failing anyone. It’s just really hard!!
laleche.org.uk/what-happens-at-four-months/

Thank you for your kind comments.

It’s been awful tonight. I just want to cry. She woke up after 2 hours, then I must have fallen asleep feeding her. She’s been latched the whole time since, tried putting her down twice when I thought she was asleep but she woke straight up.

@Underthesea19 when Did things start to get easier for you?

@Brightandbreezey Im scared of co sleeping because I’m so worried I’ll hurt her. I looked up the 7 safe sleep things but still.when I Co sleep in theory I get more sleep but when I wake up my MH is worse. But then sometimes in the night I just do it because I’m so tired. I would love to be able to carry on breastfeeding her. I don’t want to stop until she’s at least 6m but ideally 12m. I love the bond and that she’s getting the best possible nutrition. But I’m just finding it so tough mentally.

@lexlum it’s been about a month now. I’ve spoken to infant feeding team but I feel like they don’t take me seriously - everyone thinks babies just don’t sleep that’s just how it is. I’ve had latch checked etc. I go to a BF support group every week too. I’ve done everything they told me to the letter - feed responsively, let her sleep responsively, don’t introduce bottles or a dummy - and that’s what’s landed me in this. I’ve made a rod for my own back as they like to say.