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I think I'm losing my grip

8 replies

Hana89 · 01/10/2024 22:45

This is not an original complaint but I'm really worried that I'm becoming quite ill. My 21 month old DD is lovely. She is bright and happy and sweet, but her sleep has always been difficult and at 21 months she still shows no signs of sleeping through the night.
The best we've ever had is one seven hour stretch once.
I co-sleep to try and get us both some more rest and I does help, but she grabs and kicks throughout the night most nights and it is just dawning on me that I haven't slept properly for more than a handful of nights in almost two years. Her dad is a chocolate teapot when it comes to nights and always has been. He's great during the day but he just can't seem to cope with even one or two disturbed nights and my DD is a bit of a mummy's girl too which doesn't help!

It's just starting to take its toll on me now. I look far older than 35. I feel older. My memory is appalling. I struggle to keep up at work and I can't concentrate in meetings. I cry quite often and over not very much. I could be a bit depressed but I think more than anything I just need to sleep properly.
How do people cope?
How do you keep up with a household and a workload and be present and patient and kind and remember birthdays and personal details of friends and loved ones when you just aren't sleeping?
I worry that I'm shortening my life and not being the best I can be for myself or my DD or anybody really, but I don't know how to change it. We've tried so many things but increasingly I don't have the energy or mental resource to try yet another toddler sleep programme when she just really wants her mum and at least we get a little sleep if she is allowed to cuddle up to me.
It all feels so very hard and sad.

OP posts:
mumtoababygirl · 01/10/2024 23:56

My baby is only 15 weeks old but I feel the same. I’ve no advice just sympathy!

she was a great night sleeper until a few weeks ago, I think the 4 month sleep regression hit early, and it’s making me feel a bit depressed too.

hope we both get a good nights sleep soon

Incakewetrust · 01/10/2024 23:59

Book yourself a hotel for a night and leave her with DH.
Yes, he'll struggle on no sleep and yes, she'll miss you but they'll both survive and be absolutely fine.

You need rest and it sounds like you need it soon.

AbraAbraCadabra · 02/10/2024 01:50

You can't. You need to sleep train. Sleep is vitally important for health and you'll be no good to anyone if you are sick or dead.

And as PP has said for a quick fix prior to sleep training (so you have the strength to do it, go and sleep in a hotel for a couple of nights. It will do you the world of good.

You don't need to be a martyr. You don't need you do everything. You are a person with needs, not superwoman.

coxesorangepippin · 02/10/2024 02:03

You need to sleep train

Strawberriesand · 02/10/2024 05:40

Hi op I feel the same as you. I have a 1 year old and 2 year old. I had to sleep train them however it's not smooth sailing and most nights one or the other is awake and fussing. I am exhausted, emotional, angry at times and feel and look like I haven't slept in years. My DH is the same doesn't appear to hear the children at night at all so didn't wake up. We are actually not separated for other reasons but he's living here whilst saving for a home

I've decided to stop being a martyr and if both children are away at night I give one to him. If he's tired I don't care because I am to and I've to work also. At the weekends when he gets up I go straight back to bed to sleep, if it bothers him I just pretend I don't notice. Why should we feel guilty for wanting to get sleep that our DH seem to be able to get.

Time to get your DH to step up now

stayathomer · 02/10/2024 05:58

Yes to all above- tell dh you can’t do it all the time and go away for a night too. I don’t know enough about co sleeping but it sounds like it’s not working for you, like you need a ‘child in own room, mammy in mammy’s bed’ scenario

Tel12 · 02/10/2024 06:04

Get her used to sleeping in her own bed. It's madness that it's come to the point where it's making you ill.

fishingstarchy · 11/02/2025 07:48

Difficulty sleeping can be a sign that you have been stressed for too long.
tap road

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