terrible nights with 4 month old and getting worse, help!!!

[dutchjennie]

my 20 week old DS3 has never slept well but it's getting worse and I am at the end of my tether...he has a crib in our room (no space yet for his own room) which at best he goes into for the first stretch of the night.More often than not though he ends up in bed with me as soon as i go to bed. He then usually wakes every 2 hours. Until a month ago he would feed at every wakinhg but now he just wants a nipple in his mouth and he will settle back into sleep straight away. Very back breaking for me.
I have tried outting him into bed tired but awake and he screams blue murder, for hours, even if I stay with him/ pick him up straightaway and hold him. Nothing will then settle him. A few weeks ago I persevered and he did then sleep 6 hours staright for the first stretch, 3 nights running. This didn't last though. Now he will not go into his own beed at all, no matter how alseep he is he wakes when lowered down, no amount of patting, singing, holding hands will settle him. Last night was worst yet as he screamed after every waking even though he was in my arms in my bed already! He refused feeds at most wakings. I now feel if he is going to cry anyway I may as well go ahead and let him do so in his own bed, until he fals alseep. this worked a treat with his brothers although admittedly they were a couple of months older. I think though he would easily cry all night, he is clearly very spirited. Any other suggestions/ advice? If he would be happy to sleep in my amrs I would co-sleep a lot longer but even that doesn't do it for him anymore. I am exhausted and feel so sorry for toher two boys as they get shouted at and don't get any stories at night most nights...

HELP!?!

I'm sorry you're going through this. My 13 mo doesn't sleep through yet so I can sympathize.

What about a dummy if he just wants to suck?
If he screams and doesn't want food, could there be a physical reason for his distress? Is he upset in the day too?

Many babies' sleep seems to go wrong at about this age. It's quite common. It may be a developmental stage - he's realised that he's alone when in his cot and it's freaked him out - and he's crying with you because he fears that you'll put him back in the cot?

I hope that someone more knowledgeable helps you soon.

he won't take a dummy, unfortunately, he just spits it out...

his screaming is purely out of rage and because he doesn't want to sleep in his bed, or infact doesn't even want to go to sleep at all (although he is very tired). I think you are right, they are often sleeping very badly when they are this age, I am just so tired....

DJ, try kellymom.com, its very good on these sorts of things. You poor thing. Tiredness is the worst. Sounds like he has got himself over tired and anxious.

oh dear, i sympathise with you, that sounds terrible.

my 4mo ds2 is similar, will only sleep with my nipple in his mouth.we too are going backwards, now he will only sleep for 30mins at a time in the evenings, a bit better at night in my bed.

have you read the no cry sleep solution? lots of ideas in there for this sort of thing, but it takes time and patience, in short supply when sleep deprived! not really working for us, but am so tired i just shove nipple back in when he wakes so can't say i'm doing it properly.

does your ds3 sleep in the day? must be v hardwith 2 others.

i know what you mean about the short-temperedness etc. my ds1 tells pepole 'no books' meaning he went to bed AGAIN with no story as mummy too tired and stressed!

'this too shall pass...'

dutchjennie - I'm having the exact same problem with my 16 wo DS. He used to settle well after night feeds, no problem. Now he fusses and fusses, spits the dummy out (where previously he loved it) and the only thing that can calm him is with my nipple in his mouth. I really can't do the whole co-sleeping thing - I need to be able to move in bed and having DS attached to me is not good. When he dozes off and my nipple falls out, he can't latch himself back on which means whinging every so often. Bloody nightmare!

poor ladies! My DS is now 21 weeks and sleeping through, BUT not after he went bonkers at 17 weeks, night sleep patterns out of the window, wouldn't sleep in his own cot (where he had previously), waking every hour, even before midnight where before then he'd always been good at least til 2am.
Here's what we did in case it helped:
in case his 16 week jabs had knocked him off course, I took him for 2 sessions of cranial osteopathy to calm down his central nervous system.
He had had a dummy, I took it out as figured this wasn't helping, as in every time he entered light sleep he wanted it and when it had fallen out it made him howl (perhaps your nipples are doing you more long-term harm than good here)
Counter- intuitively, we stopped rocking, cooing, co-sleeping, and went pretty cold turkey at both daytime naps and nighttimes in terms of cuddle, put down awake, and practice controlled crying (following Richard Ferber's sleep book). Can't lie, the first day was horrendous, I'm actually a very soft hippy of a mother who can't bear my child crying, but was at the end of my rope with tiredness. Actually by the first night he was better ( he was knackered from not sleeping during the day!) and by day 2 down in his cot every nap without a peep, and has slept through for 5 nights in a row now. Our learning was that his system (for whatever reason) had gone haywire around his 17th week, and needed resetting with a consistent routine.
Caveat with controlled crying at this age- our baby at least had just worked out how to roll around his cot- nce I left him to cry too long, poor little soul was wedged sideways half way up his cot, no wonder he couldn't sleep! so I would say never to leave it more than 15 mins.
Could be of course that they simply grow out of "it" , lots written and told about the 16 week wobble, and that everything we did was irrelevant! Anyway, it worked, so take heart, it will get better xx

me too with DD 17 weeks. Also knackered. Considering early weaning although Iknow it's not good. In DD's case she will always feed but then very unsettled after the 3rd night feed so not much sleeping at all between 3am and 5am. and then after 4th feed only wants nipple not dummy so really just doze on and off for a couple of hours till she's up. Can't decide whether to grit teeth and ride it out or start weaning in the hope that in a month or so she starts going for more than 2-3 hours at a stretch...
sorry no advice but plenty of sympathy.

oh yes I forgot to add also began weaning. Can't believe that the amount of baby rice or pear that actually makes it into his mouth (as oposed to over his cheeks, my lap etc) is making a difference, but it could be....