Help. Trying to get 6 month old to sleep

Calica1 · 2024-09-23T14:30:46+00:00

I'm desperately looking for some advice/support. I have a 6 month old little boy who due to him refusing to sleep when he was first born we ended up co-sleeping and breastfeeding which I have had no issue with as i love the closeness. But this has meant I have to feed him to sleep and lay with him for all of his naps and bedtime. Whilst this has mainly been a inconvenience for the last few months I'm now looking to go back to work part time. I've been trying to start with just removing the boob for bedtime but he screams like a demon even if I'm holding and cuddling him. How on earth am I meant to get him to get to self settle if he screams just from removing the boob. He screams at me even if I'm holding him and rocking him or if I lay besides him to try and help him sleep. I desperately need him to be able to sleep without my boob and settle alone so I can leave him with his dad. He also doesn't take a bottle or dummy as he just chews them! Any help on how to get him to sleep alone would be really appreciated but please nothing on crying it out as I just can't handle it. Thank you!!

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Merrow · 23/09/2024 15:37

You need to just leave him with his dad and they'll work out their own methods together, it's not something for you to crack first.

Edited to add: DS2 (who is breastfed) will accept being rocked to sleep quite happily by DP, and would scream at me for the audacity of trying that approach when milk is available.

angelpie33 · 23/09/2024 15:47

As above, children will often settle with different people in different ways. He knows milk is available when with you so is protesting it being witheld. Your partner may well have success with rocking, cuddling, shhing, maybe laying him down and stroking his head, singing - any number of things may help but he will find something that works.

SpanielPaws · 23/09/2024 15:49

I used the pram in the house for day naps while mine were small to differentiate between day and night. Gently rocking back and forth with the radio on quietly always got mine to sleep.

Somanylemons · 23/09/2024 16:16

I know exactly how you feel, my DD is now 9.5 months, and at 6 months we were where you are now.

I found the more tired she was the less willing to accept a bottle and the more distressed she’d be. The process took us about 10 weeks, and from 6 weeks in my husband could put her down for bed. (We also moved house during this time which did cause a set back)

We started by getting her used to a bottle in the day when she wasn’t due to sleep and then worked up to giving her a bottle before a nap, then giving one before bed but BF in the night and then finally giving one in the night.

We also worked on feeding on a schedule rather than on demand and finding the right wake window length before bed so she was the right amount of tired.

Original poster

Calica1 · 23/09/2024 16:23

Thank you so much for your replies. Currently left my partner to try and do naptime without me and he fell asleep in 2 minutes with lots of rocking and swaying just got to work out how to put him down without him waking up 🙈

How do I help him stay asleep? Its getting a bit tedious having to lay in bed for 5-6 hours a day whilst he naps as he only stays asleep about 30 mins if I leave him (plus it would be nice to not have to lay in bed from 8pm lol) also my job is going to keep me out until late and my partner unfortunately has sleep apnea so he can't lay with him and once my partner is asleep he doesn't wake up even when my little one cries.

Thank you so much for all your advice it's really appreciated!

OP posts:

angelpie33 · 23/09/2024 18:06

Calica1 · 23/09/2024 16:23

Thank you so much for your replies. Currently left my partner to try and do naptime without me and he fell asleep in 2 minutes with lots of rocking and swaying just got to work out how to put him down without him waking up 🙈

How do I help him stay asleep? Its getting a bit tedious having to lay in bed for 5-6 hours a day whilst he naps as he only stays asleep about 30 mins if I leave him (plus it would be nice to not have to lay in bed from 8pm lol) also my job is going to keep me out until late and my partner unfortunately has sleep apnea so he can't lay with him and once my partner is asleep he doesn't wake up even when my little one cries.

Thank you so much for all your advice it's really appreciated!

What is his current schedule re naps? With my daughter, she didn't start having longer naps until she dropped down to 2 naps at 7 months. If your son is still on 3, you may have to accept that 3*30 minutes is all he will do if in the cot.

In terms of transferring successfully, you/your partner may have to experiment with transferring after various times to see if one tends to work better. In terms of naps though, maybe your partner could sit in a comfy chair and hold him through the nap? Even if only to lengthen one nap and then the other one/two could be in the cot

Original poster

Calica1 · 23/09/2024 18:12

angelpie33 · 23/09/2024 18:06

What is his current schedule re naps? With my daughter, she didn't start having longer naps until she dropped down to 2 naps at 7 months. If your son is still on 3, you may have to accept that 3*30 minutes is all he will do if in the cot.

In terms of transferring successfully, you/your partner may have to experiment with transferring after various times to see if one tends to work better. In terms of naps though, maybe your partner could sit in a comfy chair and hold him through the nap? Even if only to lengthen one nap and then the other one/two could be in the cot

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So currently we are up at 7.30. Awake for usually 1.5-2 hours then usually 1.5-2 hour nap and then that's usually repeated through the day until about 8pm. So currently he has 3 naps. If he only naps 30 mins at a time we usually end up having about 6-7 naps as he only last 45mins-1hr before he's pissed off and screaming again to go back to sleep.

I've just got him a single mattress for the floor in the hope I can try to start leaving him during his naps to see if he will extend them but unfortunately if I leave he wakes up if he stirs slightly as he can't put himself back to sleep (but at least on a mattress on the floor I don't have to worry about him rolling out of my bed)

OP posts:

angelpie33 · 23/09/2024 19:10

Calica1 · 23/09/2024 18:12

So currently we are up at 7.30. Awake for usually 1.5-2 hours then usually 1.5-2 hour nap and then that's usually repeated through the day until about 8pm. So currently he has 3 naps. If he only naps 30 mins at a time we usually end up having about 6-7 naps as he only last 45mins-1hr before he's pissed off and screaming again to go back to sleep.

I've just got him a single mattress for the floor in the hope I can try to start leaving him during his naps to see if he will extend them but unfortunately if I leave he wakes up if he stirs slightly as he can't put himself back to sleep (but at least on a mattress on the floor I don't have to worry about him rolling out of my bed)

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Ah okay, tricky! I would probably try to transfer him to the mattress/cot at his first nap of the day as that is often the most successful nap to make changes. And then if he only sleeps 30mins you can do a contact nap for the other naps of the day in the hopes he has a reasonable amount of sleep over the day. He may be able to extend that time sleeping alone over time/as he goes down to 2 naps.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 24/09/2024 02:10

I know you said no crying - I felt the same!

but we did in room settling and it worked for us! There was some crying first few days for around 15 mins but my husband was with her

she was in the cot and he had his hand on her stomach and was reassuring her with shush shush shush sounds - she started to calm down eventually and he was able to take hand off her and then gradual retreat - he was sitting on the floor next to cot and then moved further and further away

within a week we were able to put her in cot and sit down on a chair in the room and she’d go asleep herself knowing we were there and eventually we could put her in there and say goodnight and walk out and she’d go asleep her self

problem at this age is that of they fall asleep on you then if they wake after 30 mins they expect to be in your arms - if they fell asleep independent then they will be more able to go back to sleep again without help and do longer naps

Original poster

Calica1 · 24/09/2024 07:58

Fupoffyagrasshole · 24/09/2024 02:10

I know you said no crying - I felt the same!

but we did in room settling and it worked for us! There was some crying first few days for around 15 mins but my husband was with her

she was in the cot and he had his hand on her stomach and was reassuring her with shush shush shush sounds - she started to calm down eventually and he was able to take hand off her and then gradual retreat - he was sitting on the floor next to cot and then moved further and further away

within a week we were able to put her in cot and sit down on a chair in the room and she’d go asleep herself knowing we were there and eventually we could put her in there and say goodnight and walk out and she’d go asleep her self

problem at this age is that of they fall asleep on you then if they wake after 30 mins they expect to be in your arms - if they fell asleep independent then they will be more able to go back to sleep again without help and do longer naps

Edited

How was your little one when they were crying? My little boy full on hysterical screams at you until you pick him up and then he's fine but the second you put him down again he screams like he's being tortured.

I've read so much stuff about 'cry it out' being so bad for them and I did wonder if it would still affect him badly if he was crying but I was still comforting him.

OP posts:

BurbageBrook · 24/09/2024 08:23

I think I would avoid starting with bedtime unless you really need to be away with work at bedtime. It's easier to not BF for naps as you can do pram etc. It is very normal to BF to sleep at bedtime. I'd definitely work on doing more pram naps as a gentle transition.

Also don't underestimate how they will go to sleep okay for other people who can't BF. My 13 month old still BF to sleep for naps with me but other carers (childminder, DH) can get her to sleep in other ways.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 24/09/2024 16:04

Calica1 · 24/09/2024 07:58

How was your little one when they were crying? My little boy full on hysterical screams at you until you pick him up and then he's fine but the second you put him down again he screams like he's being tortured.

I've read so much stuff about 'cry it out' being so bad for them and I did wonder if it would still affect him badly if he was crying but I was still comforting him.

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I mean cry it out is different that’s when you leave the child in the room to cry some until they fall asleep and you never come back which I feel is very different to what we did

she was hysterical with me in the room settling her

but for my husband she was more calm - she was a bit hysterical initially and he took her back out for a cuddle and to calm her and then tried again until she was a bit more chill.