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4 month regression advice please

6 replies

Dfjackson · 15/09/2024 03:20

Baby is 16 weeks old and was sleeping relatively ok at least one good stint of 5/7 hours between feeds then 3/4 hours.
We have now started waking every 1-2 hours…I am exhausted.
Any help and tips to get through this period?

Naps in the day aren’t great but she gets at least 2-4 hours if I’m lucky over the day - baby will only contact nap so I bring her up to the bedroom in darkness which does help but I’m spending most of my day in the dark room NOT sleeping just lay here trying to enjoy the cuddles but so exhausted feels like torture lay on the bed not being able to sleep when so sleep deprived 😢 even trying to cosleep for naps has been a no go she just wants to be on my chest for the whole nap.
Im exclusively breast feeding - so not much help with feeding, no bottles yet as I had an oversupply so couldn’t pump :( (probably to late on introducing a bottle now but I’d like to at least try soon once my supply regulates again)
my partner works 12 hour shift and we have building work ongoing which he has to help with on days off so there’s only so much he can do :(
I feel absolutely exhausted and quite low now the days just roll into one big endless mess. My baby looks tired all the time I feel so guilty I am trying my best :(
im exhausted… any advice and tips to get through this time I would appreciate very much x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Cobblersorchard · 15/09/2024 03:35

When you are in it, it feels like forever but I promise you-this time next year your world will be unrecognisable.

Can you feed lying down? That’s what we did, made the bed safe and I slept with DD feeding . The midwife that made sure I could feed lying down before we went home was amazing!

Dfjackson · 15/09/2024 03:38

Baby just couldn’t get the hang of feeding lay down in the early days (she was tongue tie and latch awful with overactive let down) I will try again though now she is a bigger thank you!

OP posts:
Fridgetapas · 15/09/2024 03:55

My one piece of advice (especially if you have one baby) is to not worry about making ‘bad habits’ and just try to survive! This might mean safe co sleeping for a bit, sleeping in with baby in the mornings to catch up on sleep or giving him to partner in morning if he’s at home.

My trick is to take baby to bed, start feeding in the comfortable position then near end of feed roll sideways and get baby on bed still feeding, then finish feed. Then they are sleeping on the bed and you can have a nap next to them! Hopefully!!

Cobblersorchard · 15/09/2024 04:07

Dfjackson · 15/09/2024 03:38

Baby just couldn’t get the hang of feeding lay down in the early days (she was tongue tie and latch awful with overactive let down) I will try again though now she is a bigger thank you!

It’s worth persevering with, something to try anyway. In the early days I’d latch on semi upright then gradually wiggle myself down to the “c” position but after a while we could just do it straight off.

It will transform your life though, those little naps while they feed are restorative. I used to look forward to the feeds at home as when sleep was poor I’d do almost every feed at home lying down and nap. Does mean accepting you will do naff all else.

Also, when you introduce solids you will find it’s a huge change in the feed routine, it’s really not far off. DD loved food and dramatically reduced her feeds and slept better so whilst you don't want to wish the time away that change is coming.

Dfjackson · 15/09/2024 13:38

The feeding isn’t the issue really she actually only feeds twice in the night. It’s the needing to be resettled…. She is waking every hour and won’t settle until I pick her up settle her on my chest then wait till she drops into a deep sleep put her back in her next to me and then less than an hour later does the same.
I know I need her to learn how to self settle I just don’t know how to do that without all the tears, I really hate those cry it out methods etc. I will try again every bedtime putting her down drowsy but after 15 minutes of her crying I just can’t leave her I have to put her on my chest if all other soothing techniques don’t work. I have a ‘rock it’ on the crib that helps in the night the odd time previously but she’s really into this 4 month regression now I think and is just constantly waking up to be resettled. Are the things we do in the regression causing habits that stick? I would be happy for her to cosleep if she would to get her through this stage but I don’t want her to do this long term as my partner is 6ft 5 and is the most active sleeper it worry’s me to much also I think it must be so hard to get out of the routine of cosleeping when needing to transition to her own room :(
im so exhausted so apologies in advance if non of what I am writing makes sense!

OP posts:
Kosenrufugirl · 16/09/2024 09:46

Dfjackson · 15/09/2024 13:38

The feeding isn’t the issue really she actually only feeds twice in the night. It’s the needing to be resettled…. She is waking every hour and won’t settle until I pick her up settle her on my chest then wait till she drops into a deep sleep put her back in her next to me and then less than an hour later does the same.
I know I need her to learn how to self settle I just don’t know how to do that without all the tears, I really hate those cry it out methods etc. I will try again every bedtime putting her down drowsy but after 15 minutes of her crying I just can’t leave her I have to put her on my chest if all other soothing techniques don’t work. I have a ‘rock it’ on the crib that helps in the night the odd time previously but she’s really into this 4 month regression now I think and is just constantly waking up to be resettled. Are the things we do in the regression causing habits that stick? I would be happy for her to cosleep if she would to get her through this stage but I don’t want her to do this long term as my partner is 6ft 5 and is the most active sleeper it worry’s me to much also I think it must be so hard to get out of the routine of cosleeping when needing to transition to her own room :(
im so exhausted so apologies in advance if non of what I am writing makes sense!

Hi there, I exclusively breastfed and co-slept and by the 8.5 months I was a Zombie but I didn't want to try controlled crying.

I stumbled upon Baby Whisperer methods which is a variation of controlled crying, the difference is the baby is crying on your shoulder so they don't feel abandoned. They cry out of frustration until they learn to self sooth. I think this method is good from 4 months, Baby Whisperer has different methods for different ages. Unfortunately, she passed away age 54, her books could do with some refinement. Baby Whisperer Solves All Your problems is the best, here is her method.

You put your baby down they start to cry. You wait until they become hysterical and pick them up. If they stop crying on the way to your shoulder- you picked up too soon. You calm them down on your shoulder then put them down. They start crying on the way down- you still put them down and wait for a hysterical note. Repeat. The idea is to ignore the cries of frustration and only pick up on cries on distress. It does take a lot of resolve

The first time I tried it took 1.5 hours. I thought my baby would never forgive me.. He woke up all smiles and actually was less grumpy since we mastered this method. I think he was chronically overtired just as I was (used to wake up 8-12 times over the night).

Baby Wisperer used to work as a neonatal nurse, she knows a lot about babies and young children and there are lots of good tips in her book. Ignore her breastfeeding advice, times were different, the rest of her book is excellent. She literally saved me from a nervous breakdown. I continued to breastfeed till 13 months.

Baby Wisperer also says day and night sleep are related, overtired babies don't sleep well at night. She suggests following the baby's body language rather than the clock. Main sign of tiredness at this stage is yawning if I remember it correctly.

This is the time to use pick up/put down technique. I vaguely remember her saying 1.5 hour naps are better than 45 minutes ones, corresponds with my experience. As I have said Baby Wisperer used to work as a paediatric nurse with babies and young children. I swear by her advice. I used her other technique with my other child- he was doing 5-6 hours at 2 months whist being exclusively breastfed and despite being a much more difficult baby to start with.

She has written quite a bit on broken trust for people who had tried and abandoned controlled crying, especially if it was done when babies were very young. She says her methods would still work, however might take longer. I can't remember the specific tips, it might be worth getthing the book of Amazon. Second edition with yellow cover is the one I would recommend..

If you really can't stand the idea of letting your baby cry you can try No Cry Sleep Solutions by Elizabeth Pantley. I hope it helps

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