Baby sleep consultant?

[Snowdrops17]

Hi would anyone have any recommendations for a baby sleep consultant they have used ? Really at my wits end with my 14 week old .

This is almost certainly something you can solve without paying out £££. What's the sleep issue you're trying to fix? I bet MNers can help for free 🙂

Since 5 weeks she fights her sleep terribly I've been very careful to monitor her wake window's and sleep signs . At 14 weeks her wake windows are still only 1 hour . I can't leave the house as she literally won't sleep unless I rock her and contact nap . I had an absolutely terrifying experience where I had to go somewhere with her last week she screamed blood curdling screams for 30 minutes on the motorway because she was over tired she eventually passed out I'm convinced from the upset I had already pulled over 3/4 times before that . I literally can't and don't leave the house because she will get over tired and I will spend hours trying to settle her then . Weirdly she is ok at night she will sleep for 3/4 hours stretches .

Hmmm ok, tbh this can be normal for babies. They're developing so fast and still learning what their own internal senses feel like.

Do you carry her in a sling at all? It was literally the only way one of mine would ever sleep during the day, until he was about 18 months old I just had him on my back while I went about my life, even while I cooked dinner and washed up!

You'll get a million different opinions on this but I never took the slightest notice of anything like "wake windows". After all, as someone pointed out to me once, the baby hasn't read that book!

Tried her in a boba wrap she hated it solely for 20 and woke up screaming , also tried the ergo baby embrace wasn't a fan actually tried yesterday and couldn't even get it on she screamed so much .

We used Vicky at little dreams. DS was 19 months and only sleeping holding my hand, and waking for milk multiple times in the night. We knew it needed to change but needed guidance.

A 3 month old is a baby not a robot. Expecting a 1 hour wake window every time is crazy as is not wanting to leave the house because she’s exciting and wants to look at new things instead of napping.

No decent sleep consultant will push a routine on a baby this young.

I mean this kindly OP but this is a little extreme.

Babies cry sometimes, babies get overtired. Try not to let it rule your life. I say this as a mother of 2 where my second just has to get on with it.

Let the baby sleep on you, get a sling, let them sleep in there, get a snuz shade for the buggy, stop worrying about wake windows (all babies are different there is no prescription)

Don't give a 'sleep consultant' your money - it's a scam - there is no such thing!

I find the more you lean in to it, and stop worrying about the 'shoulds' the easier it becomes.

I really think, as hard as it is, what you describe is normal. Babies don't follow the books, they don't come with a manual. You also have the four month "regression" coming up so it's probably a bit premature to be thinking about a sleep consultant. Regressions happen because of development btw, hell to live with but a good thing.

You are saying her wake windows are an hour but also that she doesn't sleep. Is she tired?

My youngest didn't (and still doesn't) nap well unless we are at home but I have an older child, I just cannot spend all day at home.

I agree with @watermelonsugarr, lean into it. Don't sweat it, hold it lightly. You've got this.

It's not so much a routine but more how do I help her learn to fall asleep by herself ? She fights sleep so much especially if out and about and it just ends up being hours and hours of trying to get her to sleep then later in the day and it breaks my heart as she gets so upset and screams and screams so yeah I try avoid it at all costs because right now I don't think it's fair to her to get that hi we tired just so I can go out so if I can avoid that .

It’s totally normal for babies to not fall asleep by themselves. My nearly 4 year old still needs us to lie with him to sleep. Both of my babies I’ve held or wore in a sling to sleep for all of the first few months. Do you think you should be able to lay baby down in a cot and them to just go to sleep? Because the babies that can do that exist but are absolutely the minority - even though this idea is really prevalent and not helpful. I wonder if your expectations of what your baby should be doing are the main issue here?

The vast majority of 3 month olds will not fall asleep by themselves, it’s totally normal.

It sounds like you could really do with stepping outside of the whole sleep consultant/ wake windows thing and focusing on your baby and your baby’s cues. Sometimes they are going to be awake for longer, sometimes they will fall asleep earlier, sometimes they are will just cry because they are a baby.

Honestly staying home all day due to the naps of a 14 week old baby is going to cause a huge drag on your mental health.

Do some research on infant sleep and what is normal. And not from sleep consultants!

Contrary to some of the other comments you've received, sleep consultants can be incredibly helpful in my opinion. My first had a severe dairy intolerance and silent reflux, which meant she screamed constantly and never slept. I had one meeting with a sleep expert and it was a total game changer. I met with Alison Scott Wright www.alisonscott-wright.com/services and could not speak more highly of her services.

I know how hard it is when you have a child who never sleeps, so don't feel like you have to suffer in silence. There are ways to manage these situations and there is no shame in asking for help. Good luck!

Some amazing advice here OP.

Agree drop the wake windows, start looking at your baby. You'll soon notice when they're tired.

Neither of my babies fell asleep by themselves? They fall asleep in my arms or on a boob. That's fine! No issues with that - it's lovely in fact!

My children are a lot older but I loved the baby whisperer concept of EASY - so baby is fed; then they have an activity which may be as simple as looking around them; then you watch for sleep cues and gently get them to sleep. The Y is your time if it works 😊

The key is recognising when your baby is tired so that she goes to sleep naturally- if she's over tired she will fight sleep and not have a restful sleep.

Beer in mind my children are late teens so we did things differently when they were babies

Thank you x

Oh no I do watch her like a hawk for her sleep cues to avoid over tirdness but the problem is if I go anywhere at all
Outside the house she won't sleep and fights it.

Karen Mardon - she saved my sanity and probably my marriage!! www.hoodedowls.co.uk/blogs/news/getting-your-child-into-a-bedtime-routine?srsltid=AfmBOopubwzm-i9Tsw41-vrRGmt8UNoZsu5Wwhg5pI_ujtIbWcbKdaij

The less you leave the house the more new and overstimulating it will be for a baby.
It is completely normal for a baby to stay up longer while enjoying taking in their new surrounding out of the house. That’s not always a bad thing.

@Mooneywoo yes I think your right !

Thank you I will take a look x

I went with Carol Mae Grassick who was a miracle worker

Babies develop so quickly, what works one week won't the following. Like some other posters, I didn't engage with wake windows. My SIL did and continues to have a 5 year old with poor sleep.
Get a routine for you, get outside daily, a walk with the pram or sling. Baby will get used to it and the fresh air will help with sleep and with how your feeling.
First babies and the first few months are bloody hard work, I remember the fear of most things. However, along came baby number 2 and things were more natural. You will find your rhythm.

I totally feel you pain - we had a nightmare with one of ours sleeping and I was in total despair. I googled loads and eventually went with someone called Kate Reynolds through a friend recommendation and I saw her at the baby show in London too. When I was researching people to help with sleep I thought they were all quite different. Some seem quite rigid/strict whilst other are more gently, so you need to go with whatever works for you. good luck - I feel your pain x
Just found Kate's website - https://www.surreysleepcoach.com/kate-reynolds-sleep-coach

Ime sleep consultants might tweak a few things but ultimately they all come back to sleep training and cry it out. They call it different things, gentle sleep training, controlled crying etc. but it’s all sleep training. Obviously if that is what’s best for you and your family though then you have to trust your instincts and do what you think, It works for lots of people, but maybe just try it on your own first without spending loads of money.

my LO was like yours until 5m, tbh I just accepted we couldn’t go that far or out for that long and it did feel impossible for a while. The wake windows did eventually get longer though. It felt like forever at the time but now I look back it seems like it was only a couple of weeks, it is so difficult when you’re going through it though Op, you have my sympathies.

Sleep Is the hardest thing about parenting I’m sure. Emma of Help Baby Sleep is fantastic and goes for a holistic approach. No decent sleep consultant will put such a young baby in a routine but there may be things they can advise to promote better sleep and explain evolving sleep cycles etc.